Phone: dying Watch: dying Me: doing pretty good, actually

If the internet knows so goddamn much about me why is hinge trying to recommend me my ex

I do not dream of labor (additional persona 4 remake)

The enemy of my enemy is also my enemy. We are in a nemesis love triangle

No more DMs. We need to go back to communicating by publicly posting on each other's profile pages

Business idea: monthly newsletter that keeps the Olds up on what emojis to use so we don't embarrass ourselves

My therapy intake forms

The toppy is sloppy, but so is everything else

They should invent a cat that doesn't like to stand directly on your bladder

Gonna indulge in some attention seeking risky behavior and log in to my banking app on airport wifi

I can feel the feminism leaving my body while watching 2004 Phantom of the opera

"sometimes life's a bitch and then you keep living" I mumble to myself, realizing the dishwasher needs to be emptied again

You dumb bitch, don't take your extended release meth at lunchtime

Taking my Adderall with a chocolate cream cold brew is cunt

Do I miss smoking or do I miss being 21

My mother took my dog to meet me at the airport after a 3 day trip like I was a soldier returning from war

I'm never more than 50% aware of what my hands are doing at any time. One time I looked away for a moment and they knitted a cardigan

I love my townhouse a lot but every time I need to vacuum my carpeted stairs I do take a moment to contemplate arson

Is there anything worse than having a funny and original thought only to google it and discover

Snö dae

The human spirit was not built to endure the humiliation of washing one's underwear in a hotel bathtub

A guy at this very nice restaurant asked if he could remove my plate with cheesy bread STILL ON IT and I just about went feral

Sowwy for party rocking 🥺

oh you use a text editor? real programmers make their edits directly on the github web ui

This might be the best paragraph ever written in human history. From @chuckwendig.bsky.social’s Gentle Writing Advice.

I was so pleased to see raincode+ was going to be less plagued by anime horniness than Danganronpa, so imagine my surprise when they busted out the plumpest ghost jumblies I've seen in my goddamn life

When you own enough pets, a statistically significant part of your day is slotted for poop management

Is there a neopets bluesky community? Neofriend me @jewelgirl160, I got access to my childhood acct and I'm obsessive about it

Stop! 🛑 If you're reading this then you've reached the Pokémon checkpoint, you're now obligated to share your favourite Pokémon.

Bf: "chug! Chug! Chug" Me, tears in eyes, trying desperately to put back the third glass of Metamucil today

The diary of Lisa Frank

Me and my partner now have 4 animals in our home which I'd deluded myself into thinking was a normal amount until I saw them all in one room

"you shouldn't ascend Astarion, he becomes so domineering, controlling and abusive" me:

“Don’t make me repeat myself!” - me, who can’t remember what I just said

When you hit a certain bra size they become so industrial that you have to break them in like a new pair of boots

Jukebox musical made up of songs from Bo Burnham's Inside

Baldur's Gate 3 simply has too much content. This could have been two games. Maybe even three. Grow up.

Dog

I wrote about the last great poster left on Twitter. defector.com/linda-yaccar...

Oh you're bisexual? How quickly did you google the guide to cool Karlach off?

Learned tonight that Wizards, Warlocks, and Sorcerers are all different classes. Completely unhinged.

Playing Persona 5 taught me the valuable lesson that I would have absolutely flunked out of Japanese high school

I posted the Zootopia abortion comic in the group chat and let me tell you that kills the vibe so quickly

If your bf openly identifies with Oppenheimer, but in like a "communist who likes mentally ill girls way" is that a red flag?

If the dick doesn't sound like a door stopper when I slap it, I don't want it

So you think you can tell heaven from hell and blue skies from pain? ⓘ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗹.

Reading a classic

July is Gay Sloth Month for anyone over 30.