Sometimes you have to just embrace the insomnia and go for a predawn walk at the river. Refreshing for the soul 🥶 and what a gorgeous sunrise

Boundaries don’t cause conflict. They are there to keep you safe. They highlight a conflict that was already brewing under the surface. If you get that uneasy feeling everytime you interact with someone maybe it’s time to start listening to your inner wisdom. Is it time to move on?

Reminder to self as I see some patients again after a few days off work... people with chronic health conditions don't get a 'day off' from having to cope, to manage, to think about how they are, how their treatment's going... important to remember this.

I sat at the dining room table this morning splitting olives to go into a brine solution for curing. You split each olive with a sharp knife and then put them into a jar with water and change the water every day for 3 days. You then switch to a 1:10 brine solution and change it weekly.

I’m sort of sad my tomatoes and peppers are done for the season. I’m not a huge fan of summer (too hot), but the garden has certainly been productive. I spent today making tasting green tomato salsa to eat later in winter, reminded of the bounty, that will return just around the corner …

Following on from #RareDiseasesDay a few weeks ago, I’d like to bring your attention to a group called IgG4ward, and IgG4 awareness day on 4th April. They do an incredible amount of advocacy for this rare disease.

You can have 'lived with' a chronic condition for years, doesn't mean it's all OK. There can still be times when it's so frustrating, upsetting, & just something you could do without. Important to find a place for these feelings. 'Acceptance' doesn't mean everything's acceptable all the time.

I’m generally ok when it comes to planning and progressing. I describe myself as process oriented. I’m good at risk stratification. The devil is in the desolate. That is … until it comes to my health. I am a terrible patient. I can’t handle being on the other side of the stethoscope at all.

Trying to resist pressing “add to cart” for the squishy yarn I’ve just discovered on sale … I DO NOT NEED MORE YARN EVEN if I’m under the weather & knitting is about all I can manage right now, I may have one or two surplus balls of squish already … Now seeds on the other hand …

Thank you, past self, for saving this quote as it was just the thing that current self needed to see today. Hopefully it means that future tomorrow self will be a bit more compassionate and kind when things don’t go quite as she had planned or hoped.

Today is Long Covid Awareness Day: I know there’s a lot going on in the world right now, but please don’t scroll past this one! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_CO...

The in-between is always hard, and it’s okay to feel mixed emotions.

Only now do I understand the beautiful tension between the peace you find in the darkness with the soft sounds for comfort, stars twinkling; and the isolation & worry & fear that plagues your thoughts. This witching hour for those living with chronic illness, where both states coexist.

Some days are harder than they need to be. And some days you’re reminded that people are good and decent and kind. And the most unexpected people will show up for you when you’re having a hard day. Sometimes the hardest part is to ask for help. Life gets a whole lot simpler after that.

Maybe all you ever did, all you ever learned was to prepare for this moment in the darkness. For this moment when you are not sure what to do or how to take the next step. Maybe you’ve spent your whole life preparing for this moment and you just didn’t know it … You are strong #LearningToBe

Sometimes:

People think being disabled is like being on vacation They say “you’re lucky! I wish I didn’t have to work!” Most of us would love to work. We would love to get out of bed. We would love to not be forced into legislated poverty Imagine your worst sick day on repeat forever That’s chronic illness

Thanks @viridescentfrog.bsky.social for highlighting this blog This is an unsaid thing in medicine, especially acute jobs with shift work: It’s slowly killing us mikerubinmd.substack.com/p/why-emerge...

Anyone can become disabled. Anyone can become chronically ill. It’s not a choice. It’s not a moral failing. It’s not something you can “try harder” your way out of. You can be the healthiest person in the world & completely disabled in an instant. It’s a minority group you can join anytime.

Some days I am reminded about the fragility of life. Of the impermanence of this world and the way we are in it. There is no tomorrow. There is only now. This moment. This time. This breath. Tell the people you love that you love them. Stand with your feet on the fresh wet grass. Be.

Sometimes peace comes from simply refusing to carry what was never yours to hold. Protect your energy. Protect your mind. Not everything deserves space in your spirit. 🌿 #ProtectYourPeace #EmotionalWellness #MindfulLiving #PositiveEnergy #LetGoAndGrow #InnerPeace

It’s Kranky Panky Awareness Month. Guts Charity do some great work.

Working on my 1000 hours…

Reminder...

You don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel safe, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It makes you human.😊

The kindness of strangers amazes me sometimes. A small thing for them - such a big deal for me. Thank you, universe, for taking care of me today. #LearningToBe

A reminder

A reminder

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Ralph Waldo Emerson It’s your life. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else. You’re allowed to live it your way. 🧡 #kindness #positivity Picture by @Anxiety.Positive

There are only 3 things you can control - ever. 1. What you think right now about what’s happening 2. It’s what you do or don’t do 3. You get to control how you react to your own emotions in this moment. Read that again. Only 3 things you can ever control.

You can’t heal in the place* that made you sick *may or may not be the physical place #LearningToBe

Some days it’s hard to remember. Make a conscious effort to celebrate the wins … !

Sometimes...

Your worth is not tied to your health. Your worth is not tied to your job. Your worth is not tied to your bank account or capitalistic contribution. We are all valuable, just as we are. When we start debating the worth & value of others… we’ve already lost.

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” Brené Brown There are days when showing up is the full achievement. No need to sparkle. Just be here. That’s more than enough. 🧡 #kindness #positivity #humanness Picture by Katie Abey

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” Aesop A little more kindness. A little more softness. A little more heart in the mix. 🧡 #kindness #positivity #compassion Picture by goodvibegirlgang

What you imagined and where you are might be two different things. That’s ok. What you thought and what you learned might be two different things. That’s ok. One day you will see clearly what is truely important. I hope that day is soon. For every day after is a true gift. #LearningToBe

Ever read a sentence and instantly know the voice inside your head will be saying it over and over and over again? 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥.

“I had no idea it was THIS bad!” We’ve all heard this from a friend or family member who becomes chronically ill. Despite watching us suffer for years, they never understand until it happens to them. Please listen to disabled people. It IS that bad. Protect your health. There’s no do overs.

Your worth is not defined by your health, job, how much money you make or how many children you have. You are valuable, just as you are. We have instrinsic value & must not allow those in power to convince us that certain groups are “less than”. When we debate someone’s worth, we’ve already lost.

When you become chronically ill, you have to process a lot of loss. Loss of independence. Of friends & family who can’t accept that you’re not “getting better”. Loss of the comfort that comes from believing the medical system will help you when you need it. Loss of autonomy & hope for the future.

Sometimes you find what you need to see

Maybe the patterns are there Maybe we see what we want to see Maybe we see what we need to see Not everything can be explained. Somethings just need to be lived. To be. In this moment. In this time. #LearningToBe

It’s a mystery … youtu.be/r3FQeffjFQ4?...

IYKYK It was a good day I got so much done I got too much done but I kept doing And then - the wall And now today Maybe one day I’ll learn #HumanBeingNotHumanDoing #LearningToBe #pacing #invisibleillness

You teach what you need to learn. You give what you need to receive. #LearningToBe

Be you