Gonna hold on to this croissant metaphor for the rest of my creative life

Pickleball is a dangerous sport

As a consolation to our Canadian friends, Los Angeles will now embark on one of our greatest traditions: burning down the entire city with illegal fireworks

If the game hits 2am Eastern the score is reset to an hour before and everyone has to repeat exactly what they did to preserve the space time continuum, thems the rules

This is the greatest thing on the Internet today www.reddit.com/r/whatisit/c...

Make a movie food: Diet Hard

It’s the same picture.gif

Uh oh, lil Marco is going to be in trouble.

What's the word for the phenomenon for when you order Indian food and specify a spice level higher than normal because you think they've toned it down for Western palates, but then they recognize the Indian name on the order and bump up the spice levels a couple levels higher than normal?

I don't know, there's so much variety in men's tennis. Last year it was Sinner, Alcaraz, Alcaraz, Sinner, this year it's Sinner, Alcaraz, Sinner, Alcaraz. What new pattern might emerge next year? My money's on A, S, S, A - keep it symmetrical

I know we call a lot of things Nazi shit these days but this is pure Nazi shit. "Don't show the Fuhrer in an unflattering light!!!"

I don't know if the finals Ashe crowd gets as rowdy as the early tournament crowd, but hoping for a resounding chorus of boos to welcome Trump. With a side of anti-Rolex chants to go with it.

Timeline cleanse here is one of our alley cats coming in for a happy hour tuna-rita (1oz tuna water, 3oz water)

If you're on a flight that has free messaging on WiFi, you can basically get free Internet by using "ask Meta AI" on Whatsapp. Bonus, you get to relive what the Internet was like in the olden times: gopher, dial-up, BBS #lifehack

Evidence #8186 of why Google is completely broken: I thought it was odd that the Cincinnati Open 🎾 finals were on a Monday and wanted to know why. There are a few top stories at the top that don't have any useful information. The AI Overview blames the Paris Olympics of last year.

Weird A.I

Share to save lives~

Colbert is not going away quietly.😂

At least wait till Taco Tuesday

Me: Enjoying a beautiful summer day on the beach in the Caribbean with Calypso music playing in the background Also me: Reading a very dark and disturbing novel with blood-curdling murders in this tranquil setting PS: One of the characters is called Tranquil, so maybe it works

I think Bill Ackman's real purpose in life is to make the case that tweets should never be more than 280 characters

really sums up the media’s coverage of the Trump presidency

omg thank you Fox News 😭

It's weird to me that so many of my neighbors voted to take away their own healthcare to give me a tax cut. They need their health care. I don't need a tax cut. Neither does anyone who makes more than me, either.

🤷🏼‍♂️

Conclave Selects First Chicago-Style Pope

Best Chicago controversy of the new Pope is the Cubs trying to lay claim to him and his brother having to speak up to clear up that he's a Sox fan. blockclubchicago.org/2025/05/08/p...

I hate penalty shootouts as much as anyone else, but not sure this is how we should be deciding football games #championsleague

Nature is healing

Sad to report that I did not win a Pulitzer today, but happy for all the winners. I also decided to give the Met gala a pass this year

Tomorrow: Trump announces a tariff on all software development done outside the U.S. 🤦🏾‍♂️

Passin Of The Christ

Cardinal withdraws from Conclave after Pope Francis left note saying he should be excluded for a financial scandal where €140m went missing bit.ly/4cQKdNU it is so like the plot of @Robert___Harris’s novel Conclave! Read it if you haven’t - or again if you have!

A LOT of people do not want to hear it but in the United States at least, food has never been safer to eat, not to mention tastier

I actually believe that Amazon never intended to show tariffs on the main site mainly because it would be very difficult to do given how they operate (I would hate to be on the engineering team tasked with it). But I still love that the White House had a complete meltdown about it.

The stock market these days

And now, a note on Bill Owens who, until this past week, was the executive producer of 60 Minutes. We’ll be back next week with another edition of 60 Minutes.

Don't forget to wear a light jacket today

Cat looks like he just called Drake a pedophile

I was 35A to my best Tuesday time on today's #nytxw crossword

You don't understand the six dimensional chess at play here – the air is getting fresher with fewer planes in the air.

History

I'm going to start saying "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus" when someone cuts me off in traffic

Wow, the actual Signal chat is much worse than I expected!

I wonder how Meta's plans to restrict the sales of Careless People is going?

"To put things into perspective: I had a Canadian passport, lawyers, resources, media attention, friends, family and even politicians advocating for me. Yet, I was still detained for nearly two weeks. Imagine what this system is like for every other person in there."

I'm not as terminally online as I used be, but I'm aware of @edzitron.com. However, I had to do a double take when I came across "Zitron is thirty-eight..." in this week's New Yorker. I realize now that my weird brain had somehow associated Ed Markey's face to Ed Zitron 😬

Andreeva! 17 years old and two WTA 1000 events this year already. Countdown to #1, starting now?