I’ve got a new story in @thedodgemag.bsky.social today, thanks to @addisonzeller.bsky.social ! He’s not with The Dodge anymore, but he’s still in my top ten. Read it at your own risk. thedodgemag.com/spring-2026-...

Australian coffee is a roller coaster and I am in the front row screaming with my arms up

the Artemis II crew just posted a new photo. what the fuck

Ok step one is to make them look less delicious

One thing about The X-Files is it really reminds you how shitty flashlights used to be in the 90s. Now anyone with $40 can buy a 100,000 lumen LED that attaches to your pistol and would light up the spooky sewer like an operating theater

Figuring out that I like setting things up a lot more than I like actually using them.

Starting a war with goals is woke.

I don't know anything about this guy's politics or qualifications for judge. But I think we can all agree that he is definitely a werewolf, right?

I just don't think this is conduct becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient

I don't know if children are supposed to be driving a forklift but the exclamation leads me to believe they must be a prodigy

what do you mean “the Olympics are almost over” what am I supposed to do now that I can’t watch lunatics do backflips off an ice chute or people skiing up the mountain for some godforsaken reason this is bullshit, run them back next week

Bought the 2lb bag of nerds gummy clusters from Costco and now I have a tummyache

I keep hearing that the Epstein files are so big if we held everyone accountable everything would collapse. And no it wouldn’t. These rich guys don’t do any actual work. They aren’t actually important or useful they are just rich.

What are you wearing to the Bsky debutante ball

Flight attendant tried to pretend she couldn't read my name because "the printer messed up". Yeah. Sure. It was "the printer" and not half-assed romanization of an illiterate child's confused self-identification 3 generations ago that made my name inscrutable.

The Sound is like glass this morning

@kintha.bsky.social would insist that as an amateur, I may not use this. It's for ramen professionals only.

It's there anything more satisfying than the sound of some really good grit going up the vacuum?

The matter of fact simplicity of the bar icon. Its place in the holy trinity of air travel: toilet, baggage claim, martini.

I can't help it. I love a fake service dog. Their faces look like they're in on the grift. But the same way Pinky was in on Brain's plans. Dogs love cahoots.

The squirrels that live in the tree in the dog park, next to the expressway, are either the bravest or stupidest creatures in the world

Drama about a Chicago private detective duo called Clark and Lake

Training my dog to bite anyone who says, "Happy Monday"

I went to a new barber shop yesterday and this dog was sitting in one of the chairs, judging me.

My new favorite dystopian nightmare fuel is this police surveillance tower at Home Depot playing grating, distorted classical Christmas music through its siren horn.

I got a new phone and LinkedIn locked me out of my account because they're worried someone else is using it. Like. Fine.

My favorite lie Instacart tells me is still "your groceries are kept temperature controlled" like I don't see them come out of a 2004 Nissan Sentra.

Warhammer 401K?

People should be talking about jibarito more.

I wish sending text messages still cost 25¢ each. That would really help me with shutting the fuck up.

Fourth of Juligraine 😣

Who decided to call the dinosaur Sue instead of Chi-rannosaurus Rex?

I ❤️ NYC

Saw my first lightning bug of the summer

Chicago has a combination locksmith / art gallery and right now the art is half off

wow I asked it if it's becoming conscious this is scary

They're gutting the building next door, which means this is the third day of near-constant jackhammering, about 20' from my office windows. Gadget and I are losing it.

Not here for a long time or a good time. Here for a short, bad time. I didn't even want to come.

Jessica Jones S1 has a big plot point around how hard it is to get fentanyl from a drug dealer. Weird that's what didn't age well

So glad Michael Jackson never had Twitter

Wore Ballew shirt for power. @ellembee.bsky.social

So many big bushy beards at this event. Should have gotten a beard oil brand to sponsor.

Participating in a weightlifting competition today. It's, as the kids say, "for the plot".

Just walked past a Verizon and to get the store hours you have to scan a QR code. How rude is that? You're trying to buy a phone and the store is closed. When is it open? Wouldn't you like to know, no-phone!

Very time I finished wiping one dogs paws they'd go and get them wet and muddy again while I wiped the other. Unbelievable asshole behavior.

I really hope Pedro Pascal is as wholesome as he seems because I don't know if I could take it if he's not

The latest addition to the construction cacophony immediately outside my window is the gas-powered concrete saw, like a chainsaw and leaf blower had an unholy child of sin

Today I learned "AHOLE" is in the wordle dictionary. New starting word just dropped.

My new invisiline retainers come in this birth control case, appropriate because absolutely no one is getting pregnant with these bad boys around