They Made Me Think I Could Wish Things Into The World

I gotta admit, the random girl at basement last night that recommended I search for tron fancams on tiktok was 100% correct

The curse of the whole 'girl kneels under your desk and sucks you off' scenario is that if there's enough room between your lap and the desk for her to go to work then your setup probably also sucks from an ergonomic standpoint

it’s wild that I’m allowed to be this hot

On almost everything – fraud, polarisation, radicalisation, misinformation – evidence suggests that over 60s are in much more urgent need of online protection and education than teenagers. But that issue gets zero political attention, and is a total non-starter. Nothing good will come of it.

women always say they'd be a great dead wife in a dead wife montage but they never want to get hit by my car

This Postman Situation is CONCERNING

(guy who thinks he's incredibly good at hypnosis) "okay so when you come out of trance, every time I drop this bowling ball on your foot, you'll scream very loud 😌"

"time is a flat circle" no dude youre thinking of a clock

this is a good point, if China started doing this I would think it was wayyy funnier

the best part of taking the train with my gf is enjoying an amtrak thot dog

the hypno con has me making truly wild etsy searches

Mr. Magnifico was great. MUCH better than Cats. I'm going to see Mr. Magnifico again and again.

I think about the Austin Walker food bed every single time I travel so I finally just went back and clipped it so I have it ready to send people

watched the first 3 episodes of The Pitt and I think this is the first hour long tv show that I would say follows the structure of short-form video

it's okay I didn't need a job anyway I'll just never work or be able to afford doing anything for the rest of my life

havana syndrome is the funniest thing that federal employees believe because it's so obviously fake and made up to cover people's asses. it's literally like the pentagon buying "a special serum that is believed to make dogs eat homework"

tipping

the truth is, in this life, sometimes you think you're the problems clown but actually you're the wife

many of u tbh

I'm whatever version of sapiosexual that just likes good posts

I need grindr Right Now but for people that want to hang out with me while I walk my dog

scream

wow I almost just made an incredible mistake

intentionally timing my vyvanse euphoria to coincide with breakfast has resulted in: now, without any drugs in my system, I just getting a burst of euphoria when I have my breakfast on time (around 30-45 minutes after waking up). Using patterns like this to train myself is maybe too powerful

"international law must be followed" is european for "thoughts and prayers"

my favorite sfw photos of me from this year :) despite it overall being kind of a horrible year it was also full of so much happiness for me and I love my people so much

I desperately need a woman to shove me against a wall and start fingering me. I am currently hornier than I have ever been in my entire life

WE WERE FUCKING ROBBED

this is the most high-effort gate agent I've ever seen. she just ran down and high-fived everyone in line to board

Polyamorous people would rather write fanfiction than go to therapy

this is actually true though and people will say shit like "oh I'm fine!" and then be sad that nobody knows they're struggling because they don't realize that people generally believe what you say about yourself unless you have a reputation otherwise

god rest ye! merry emperor

denver: a city everyone agrees exists

me, my wife, my son and my dog all have our christmases on the exact same day of the year. the odds of this are approximately 1 in 48 million

I keep meaning to upload this lol. my bloodborne fancam of my favorite girls <3

I love when two of my friends meet and reveal they've been besties the whole time

holy shit :(

I love MOVIES!! You should watch It Ends! boxd.it/caqLLV

reposting this because this might be my favorite thing palimrya's written; it's the kind of story that just sticks in my head like sap and won't ever go away. beautiful and dense and makes me feel all kinds of terrible and wonderful things. not reading it is just fucking stupid

if there's one thing I will absolutely always be judgemental about, it's people that refuse to use a bidet. it's objectively, obviously an improvement to the shitting experience and you're just like "no"?? outhouse-preferring-ass bitch

The Grink would be such a good name for a DJ "ugh I smoked too many japanese cigarettes at Frotfuck last night" "oh yeah? was The Grink there??"

my advice to young trans women is to never kill yourself because once u hit thirty every trans woman ten years younger then u will want to call u mommy . the sex will be mid

worked out for the first time since my aborted suicide attempt award 👍

oh that's interesting. usually when adult children break contact with their abusive parents, the parents are quiet, demure, and reflective. i've never heard of them cajoling/bribing corrupt or impressionable journal editors to slander their own flesh and blood in the press out of callow spite

I will never let another app suck up the phone numbers of all my friends and if you do too, I'm mad at you also like most of my friends I don't even haver their phone numbers? like who am I gonna find with this, my dad? my boss?

girls love sleeping on me. I'm undeniably one of the comfiest mother fuckers around

it's surprising growing up how often I heard "go take a long walk on a short pier" given the real lack of piers in the dtx area