hilariously on-brand that hegseth was too much of a bumbling drunk to even fuck up properly. couldnt get fired for losing a war or being humiliated on the battlefield, lost it bc he kept going onto tv and slurring out stuff like "pasgetti n beetmalls" lolol

currently batting 1000

ted cruz - after a lifetime of sheepish cowardice, you have the chance to be remembered as a great man - a man who saved the republic. you know what has to be done. your ancestors are whispering the answer into your ear. this is your birthright

you see this won't be one of those immiserating recessions like the one that caused GWB to leave office with everyone hating his guts. this will be one of those cool recessions you read about - the kind that makes everything better

been looking for a *really, really hot* chicken sandwich and finally found this indian fried chicken spot that has two extra off-menu heat levels. ordered the highest and immediately knew I was in trouble as every employee and guest in the place stopped what they were doing to watch me take a bite

theory continues to hold up

a theory I've been noodling on: all the antifa stuff from 2017-2020 was a black flag operation by some pro-trump group and now that trump has changed his approach to governance ("do whatever I want, don't care what anyone says") they don't need a foil anymore so antifa is nowhere to be found

sometimes when I'm watching seinfeld it seems like the plot jumps around from episode to episode (jerry's dating elaine, now he's not, etc), and I can't tell if they just decided to do have fun that season or if an episode was so unspeakably racist that it was sandblasted from the face of the earth

if elon really believes that all his projects are being undercut by the dastardly george soros, that's mostly just really embarrassing for elon imo. a 98 y/o man with 1/100th of your financial resources is lapping you? and you're telling ppl abt this, in public? embarrassing!

we just need stupider leftists. I'm dead serious. charismatic guys with the stamina to record 100 instagram reels a week in the front seat of their car saying stuff like "trump made summers too hot" and "the fries at wendy's taste better ever since they went woke"

when they conceived of the 2nd amendment, the founders failed to consider that one day all the gun owners would decide that tyranny is awesome and just use them to shoot the ups guy

feels appropriate to bump this up today

if you were involved in dem party leadership in november 2024, you shouldn't be anywhere near it in march 2025. this seems obvious

spider-man (2002) where everything is the same except willem dafoe's character is named "Eric Penis"

before you start badmouthing the trumpcession, please remember that last time we had a recession we were blessed with musical masterpieces like the black eyed peas "boom boom pow". when god closes a door he opens a window

it was very polite for all of the characters in columbo seasons 11-16 to not mention that he was a 94 year old police officer

tesla is effectively "the elon brand", so naturally it went up when trump won the election bc that seemed like he was ascendant in power. its down just as much now bc people have seen how he wields power and turns out, it's quite shittily

in 2018 I subtly photoshopped a picture of don jr to make him look more foolish. in the years since, I have seen *my version* of that photo in at least five serious, real news stories. my point is that at some point one of these jd vance edits is gonna accidentally end up in the nyt or something lol

in retrospect, I may have actually undersold this

another disgustingly cold winter successfully survived without a "proper winter coat". staypuff marshmallow jacket defenders will never understand the elegant calculus of the Layering American

not to be a treats discourse guy but this is absurd

can I make a suggestion

last night my elderly blind dog had diarrhea and then walked around the house for what must have been a long time bc when we woke up this morning we could trace literally every step he had taken with his big diarrhea paws, and he pretty clearly took a full tour of the place

posted on twitter defending the national parks and right wingers are on day 2 of melting down in my replies. top responses: - the national parks will outlive man, and require no maintenance - park rangers deserve to be fired for supporting vaccines - too many foreigners at parks we're so cooked man

The people running the federal government hate New York City and want to punish people who live here for (by and large) having views and living lives that they dislike. Any gussied-up justification is working backwards from that desired result

wrote a bit about a big problem I think we all need to reckon with sooner rather than later www.idiotbox.site/p/the-master...

one month since trump and melania released their memecoins, let's check in on those trading prices

made my favorite sandwich (classic fried chicken) at home for the first time and let me tell you folks: it was one of the great sandwiches of my life. we are capable of anything if we put our minds to it. the only thing we have to lose is our chains

how do you think elon decides which kids he's gonna be a deadbeat dad with and which ones he's gonna take to the White House every day. do you think he has a spreadsheet. do you think he ranks them

lmao

my most conservative coded belief is that small dogs (with the exception of working dogs like jack russells etc) are dumb and annoying and you should grow up and get a real dog. I accept that this is a villainous position to take, but I can only be honest here

he can't help himself lol

not joking when I say that the doctors at NIH literally saved my dads life. I am heartbroken for the kids who's dads won't have that chance in the future

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--[wheezing, dead]

It's striking the extent to which there's never any justification given for any of this beyond "it's too many people" or "it's actually fake" and no apparent planning behind any of it. It's the aesthetics of "move fast and break things" without any discernible direction or purpose. It's cosplay.

when i rented my first apartment in new york the landlord wanted like 60 times rent or something crazy so I photoshopped a photo of a bank account that said I had like 500k (I had 5k) and he rented us the spot no problem. landlords aren't the government its fine to lie to them, defraud them, etc

thanks for the heads up, man!

the contempt senate dems have for their own base that they would play act at obstruction while quietly greasing the wheels and then expect that to placate people angry about their inaction. just stage managed nonsense.

it's cool being raised protestant and seeing someone catholic get in trouble with the pope . it's like when you were a kid and seeing someone get in trouble with their mom - that's not my mom she can't even yell at me

one reason kendrick's halftime show was so cool was that it was the logical endpoint of a grand, arcing web of storylines. a year long public feud with a genuine villain, broken relationships, lawsuits - they all wrapped up together like the end of a seinfeld episode. maroon 5 could never