that’s enough for today

only true Tolkien fans know that the song "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt is narrated by Shelob and is explicitly about Gollum

the reason I don’t have a tattoo is that I have immediately regretted every username I have ever chosen for myself

our Right to Party has been scratched ☹️

Frankfort/Louisville/Lexington

it’s been a long week so it took me A While to find the problem with “sits peeing down”

guys. GUYS. something worked on the computer

I have not stopped thinking about this in the six point five hours since it was posted

skill issue. I was born knowing that soup can be anything you want

yes and also shout out to the other aunts who patiently explained to their infant nieces that black keys do not exist in groupings of four in real life

NARRATOR: It's quarter finals week on The Great British Darning Competition. The pressure is on, and tempers are starting to fray... CONTESTANT: I didn't come here to fake mends

they don’t tell you but roughly 40% of being a human is making sure there is enough water where water is supposed to be and making sure there is no water where water is not supposed to be

I thought the 8647 shells were shell casings at first but they’re SEA shells? lol. lmao

I will be cheering for Right to Party in the Derby next weekend

my boyfriend just said he was going to dice the spinach. what do you think he means

Overheard “Bro you been going on dates, man? That ain’t like you, dawg”

my favorite* part is that the boys can draw a dick on the white board but only if they are fully aware of the harm

niece (18mo) deconstructing the catcalling industrial complex by hooting and hollering at the excavator across the street

strained my neck eating a slice of pizza with low structural integrity

it’s 4/20, you know what that means (time to take my weekly vitamin D pill)

I want a hot dog

The absence of influential nuns in his life is screamingly palpable.

bless his heart

working from home this afternoon (unusual). I don’t understand how all y’all resist nap

my personal relationship with the Catholic Church over my lifetime is not dissimilar to the Japanese people’s relationship with Godzilla over His lifetime

Inviting JD Vance to every Yankees game

the pokéball is a really remarkable technology if you think about it

I wonder what the astronauts did with their car keys while they were visiting the moon

haunted???

if they start using "papist" as a slur again well I'm sorry to say I'm not strong enough to resist relapsing on catholicism

where did beetle moses find this picture of me

excited to announce that this long personal/professional nightmare is finally over it was not as bad as I expected but I would not like to do it again any time soon

called Dad about taxes. “oh you’re doing them early this year”

✅ I’m not a robot

some dudes in their twenties are scampering about in the local park, taking pictures of flowers. somebody should have them on a podcast

so should I work on my taxes or not

so is it made of cheese or not

I really like most cities and I try to find the best in places! It’s Raleigh, NC

walking in while Dad is watching The Ghost and the Darkness and asking “is that good”

the phrase ‘salt of the earth’ implies the existence of ‘pepper of the moon’

I thought we already knew this

oh fuck it’s april

hmmmmm

astronauts. they’re just like us

the announcements coming from the white house about the iran war bear a lot of similarities to the announcements coming from a bop it

there’s a story to be told about the field mouse

discourses that are simply none of my business

I know it’s kind of a meme that adult Catholic converts are all deranged but I actually think it’s just this guy and some others who are notable for other reasons. Every Catholic convert I know in real life converted for their spouse and they are all normal