This lady sitting next to me on this flight spent the last hour applying cluster lashes and I want to understand what kind of dexterity she has.

January 1 cannot come fast enough. I never want to hear anything about this bozo again.

There’s 10 of us in my immediate family (aunt, uncles, mom, and cousins). My grandparents passed so if you add them there would be 12. What makes it worse is we aren’t even close. There’s so few of us you’d think we’d be thick as thieves but I barely know those people.

Lost an earring while out walking this morning. Not only am I basically naked now I have to walk around for a week looking like a well-groomed little boy. Sadness.

Devonte better make sure Miss Brenda gets her blazer back before her big presentation at work this week.

Y’all, I’ve been speaking Spanish. I am so proud of me.

After that first visit, you are no longer a guest. Help yourself.

So far they’ve played La Bamba and The Macarena in the stadium during timeouts. I’m just waiting for them to slide in Feliz Navidad.

This is a Dolphins home game so they gave us rally towels. Anybody got a litter box they need to line?

It’s wild they have Black Friday sales in Madrid given they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. America out here exporting the worst parts of capitalism.

Why are y’all awake??

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1707

I can’t think of the last time I saw Spike without a hat.

The worst part of being in Spain is them calling my name and expecting me to speak Spanish well. I told this lady my name and she started speaking 95mph. When you give teenagers babies, they just name them any ole thing.

They won’t ever get off this lady’s throat.

Do I want to know why I just saw the words “throatus goatus POTUS” fly by?

My monthly personal maintenance is under $100. Every single thing else about me is gonna cost you... a lot.

Every single Black person in customs is a Washington fan. We really outchea!

I found a safe space once. A person encouraged me to be vulnerable. I later learned they told people I was too emotionally needy. Mind you the things I struggled with in that time were unemployment, death, and a cancer scare. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel safe again.

Not feeling safe enough to fall apart because people can’t handle that side of you.

He didn’t say that and it’s really wild how y’all will believe any terrible thing about someone you don’t like but require detailed timelines and PowerPoint decks if anyone remotely criticizes your faves.

I don’t like the dude at all, and must’ve missed when he said that. But in the interview I did see, he said:

Hold on…

The next six weeks of my life are going to be absolutely insane and probably a wee bit irresponsible. But Imma do it anyway.

There is someone in the boarding area with a nasty wet cough. This is why I mask on planes.

You gotta feel like a real dumbass having spent real money to fly across seas to watch Washington play football after the way the season has played out thus far. Ask me how I know.

The weather in Atlanta is remarkably nice today given it was in the 20s a few days ago.

The craziest part is she only follows a little over 100 people. So it’s not even like she’s inundated with the thoughts of the people she blocks.

This is absolute insanity

Matt Barnes on IG trying to look like he was “doing the right thing” when all he looks is silly. He’s been in the game too damn long to be that much of a mark.

Don’t let the fireworks go to waste waiting on a win. You can celebrate any time you want. It’s not against the law.

Yes UMass set off fireworks when they made a huge three to cut the lead to 42. (Video from cfbcampustour)

If the Vicks ain’t from the 90s, I don’t want it.

Skepta would make me do things I’d have to lie about to get into heaven.

Sending her uplifting thoughts. This has to be so hard.

Has anyone else noticed TI is aging into a stud?

Terrance J had his wedding festivities in Dubai. Oh.

The day I take progress pics and measurements and give myself the “you gotta do better” speech is ALWAYS the same day I end up taking a cupcake to the face.

The idea that New York City rapists are currently prevented from committing terrible crimes by a *BUS FARE* is certainly a wild one 😮

They flipped swimming and track because the stadium for the opening ceremonies will also host swimming. Now, one of the marquee distances is going to be completely done night one. What a mess.

To be clear, there is nothing funny about a man firing five rounds at a woman in a bikini, then lying about it and harassing her over it. But there IS something a bit funny about his fans convincing themselves his appeal had any chance of being anything other than rejected.

It’s cold as hell outside and I ain’t seen not one of these fits y’all swore y’all couldn’t wait to get off.

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1703

What Lil' Kim say?

I could really go for a pork chop right now.

I was about to do my wind down routine because I was certain it was 10pm and it’s not even 6:30.

Show is called Accident, Suicide, or Murder and I ain’t never seen an accident or a suicide.