Schumer and Jeffries openly act like inside guys in a heist movie and, unsurprisingly, everyone around them act according to context

1. try not to post things that will get you arrested 2. try not to post things that will make your friends want to off themselves

Picardillo

Praise to you and Old Man Marley Too!

Ten thousand fucking percent. Like, I get it. I get that you're despairing. Shit is rough. But skeeting "we're so fucked" ten times a day accomplishes nothing, alleviates nothing, and contributes to learned helplessness. In all seriousness, if you feel that welling up? Log off. You need a break.

Having not seen the previous two, I feel Avatar the 3rd was very long and appropriate for Papyrus. No more money need be spent there

makes you wonder the extent to which the loser behavior of a lot of Democratic electeds is just downstream of the loser behavior of apparently a bunch of Democratic voters

Favorite Chicago cuisine hallmark is it being so messy or oddly shaped that you need a workaround to eat. Pizza so dense you eat it with a fork! Sandwich so wet you stand three feet away from the table you're hovering over! Hot sauce? How about hot oily thick chopped celery and carrot?

My crew mutinying over me is behavior unbecoming of this ship that I - nay, we together - built after I overthrew the old captain.

Reading eb white has been an uneasy panacea to how gestures everything has been affecting the brain. The news has always been run by conservatives, fascists seemly always stupidly overstep, enough good people can make a difference, and your dog is spoilt, sincerely 1930s

Me, screaming at a rotini: SPIRAL! SPIRAL! (shudder) SPIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

No AI videos I've seen offend and upset me as much as fake funny animal videos. Real animals are infinite entertainment machines placed on Earth by God to make us smile, and you're wasting resources on this? Point a camera at a dog and throw a ball. It could not be any simpler you fucking ding dongs

These twisted cowards have to get louder and louder and as some of them have been given free reign to terrorize people their toadies have to scream harder to cheer them on to make it seem like they are the default now

This looks pretty Caucasian Classic to me. Surprised the green beans aren't drowned in cream of mush and fried onion, but golly guys she really has a lot more going wrong with her than bland food tastes. Like, you all were complaining about ham too ffs go touch snow

Happy Feast to everyone, especially the ham baffled

Tide CEO says you're insane if you dont try and barely stop yourself from eating a couple pods a day.

Everyday carry as a fashion accessory would be improved if we just called them what they are, which is whimsy kits.

Ah, I'm awake again. Time to open the psychological harm app

I dont know if this is a fair complaint, but I feel like my smartphone calculator should just be a graphing calc by default. You dont get to make a technology obsolete and then make me have to work to find a way to do that again. Please just show me a picture of 2+2 as a line on an axis always

The left joins with right against the middle takes on the Trump/Mamdani meeting are way off. There is nothing substantive here. There will be no policy breakthroughs. That’s not what this is about. It’s about a young smart guy who knew how to play an old fool who worships stars.

dm when the player rolls a 1 on something about their backstory that will save them from getting mushed by the dragon in barmaid form

I'm a centrist because I like to base all my opinions on the distributions of other people's beliefs.

We should have let McDonalds all day breakfast end the whole brunch movement like it was supposed to.

My pitch: Jon Berenthal leads gritty TV reimagining of Adam Sandler's entire life story. He has a real fistfight with a different SNL special guest that each episode is centered around. Jon does pitch perfect reenactments of Adams scenes with the original actors. Peacock subscription required

Diogenes would have been an incredible shit post troll

The right makes a problem of 'masculinity' (see 'identity') and then says they solved it by feeding into the insecurity. This isn't issue of the left not having an answer for it: it's money hustle that needs to be stopped. The boys need self respect and discipline, not how tos for getting laid.

Schaumburg's Wintrust stadium advertises being the home of a team called the Boomers which, as a Chicago suburb, is probably the most right you could be about who your team is serving out here.

"no please I had to Uber here cause I can't afford the ambulance I refuse horse care"

My cumulative grade school science education

Your name is one of, if not the foremost, indicator of personal identity Someone's refusal to learn your name correctly indicates that they refuse to acknowledge you as a person, or an equal, on a fundamental level We saw this especially during the elections with conservatives mispronouncing

Really funny how all the fail-safes of democracy turned out to be turnkeys to lock everyone out of any options. Lol gotta hand it to us for not catching that one in time

Considering AI is going to be the deathknell of all knowledge workers, I'm excited for when VPs and managers are transitioned to hourly wages. Holding multiple senior positions, switching branded polos between zoom calls, padding their hours. I'm happy to welcome them to the working class again

How are we gonna pay for all this efficient robot harvested food when all our ways of making money are automated?

Coldplay's Chris Martin in 2000: "someone capture that man and bring me a guitar. the song extraction must begin while he is fresh. delicious, chart topping vittles in that one kekekekekeke"

"Your adventure begins in Chislic. Your people were farmers, till bandits from Wyomong in the west and the other Chislic in the east ran you off. Your band must now flee your home: go north through the forest called Jerky or take to the peopled country of Wild Rice to the south. What do you do?"

Holden Caulfield's first line in the Catcher in the Rye series on Amazon this fall

I wonder what the Republican town halls will be like

He makes them put the bumper sticker on like a tramp stamp or they get primaried

The elevator close button would be better if it made a fart sound each press

"Sir, this is a Wendy's" Yes. Yes, I know. And I know you have baked potatoes, so and I want to understand why you can't just bake my hamburger buns for croutons? I already got the burgers, I already made the salad with the leaves. Wendy already paid her gas bill, bro, she's good.

you have been visited by "Le Boulanger Quebecois" repost to receive his blessing

It contextualizes how George Carlin ended up the way he did in a funny way too

Thomas the Tank Engine becomes unfortunately deeper when you ask whether he was made or birthed.

See, this is supposed to be a remaster but these are barely any better than the original Oblivion models.

'Haha I'm still young' I say as I visibly reverse my aging immediately after desanguating a young maiden

Merrick Garland was just an appetizer, not even close to the falling-asleep-at-the-wheel we really got

kind of just endlessly sad and grieving that there are so few voices in the public sphere making the basic principled argument that immigration is an affirmative good in every way and the best way for this country to serve humanity is to welcome people who want or need to leave their homes

Oh yuck, I treaded on catshit do you have a hose?

don jr furiously printing out epstein emails and shredding them at mar-a-lago