Dying in office because you insisted on clinging to power until the very end instead of letting a new generation of leaders rise should be seen for the shameful, egomaniacal act that it is.

I got on the wrong bus and ended up being 15 minutes late, despite the PR place being just over a mile from my house and my leaving 45 minutes early. Not enough of you wished me good luck, I guess.

First day of PT for my pinched shoulder nerve, wish me so much luck!!

Shakira on Eurosummer?! Robyn on Puss Puss?! I’m obsessed. Let’s go!

This is the most late 30’s thing - so much so that I’m getting my local birds tattooed on my body next week!

"This is an important thing to think about."

The greatest celebrity conspiracy theory ever: Avril Lavigne died in 2004 and was quietly replaced by her cousin.

It’s like they’re begging me to commit a terrorism

Update to this for all of my HotTots out there: I ended up making out with and being treated disrespectfully by much hotter men 😜

Re-upping this so y’all can go soak in the 2006 vibes of this gay breakup banger!!

My beloved friend (and my favorite writer) @meganstielstra.bsky.social is given the flowers she’s always deserved here!! 🎉💐😻 And it pulls one of my all-time favorite quotes from her: “if you’re hiding parts of yourself to look cool or make someone love you, please repeat after me: fuck that noise.”

lets go back to worrying about piranhas, quicksand and the bermuda triangle is what i am trying to say

I’m probably late to this but omg Slayyyter fucking killed that Coachella set.

This is the gay Avengers

I think another reason many Americans Feel Bad About the Economy: There is a constant barrage of information indicating to the casual observer that people who run scams and lie and refuse to play by the rules aren't just going unpunished, they're *making way more money than you are* as a result.

“I’ll have what she’s having” was the “Go Piss, Girl” of the 80’s

I’m just trying to make out and maybe be treated disrespectfully is that so much to ask?? 😭😭

This is an early contender for “discovery of the year”

JD Vance entering negotiations with Iran

This is what he's missing out on, and bitch it's his loss!!! [goes back to crying in the corner]

I'm so worried that the next decade will be just this. Startups committing consumer fraud at scale with AI, over and over again.

There’s this gay singer/songwriter from Australia named Jett Blyton, and I need y’all to get on board asap. The new single drops in a week! www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8g69hRa/

to the tune of "Jason Derulo" 🎶🎵🎶

Gonna start bringing Richard the grey cat everywhere just to see what happens.

I’ve been thinking about this guy almost daily for ten fucking years. essentially my entire 30’s. when he finally croaks I imagine I’ll let out a sigh so deep it realigns my fucking spine

Exactly this.

This weekend, I let my friends talk me into slipping my phone number to the bartender I’ve been flirting with forever. I have the *biggest* crush on him, he’s crazy sexy & we make each other laugh & he gives me free drinks sometimes. Chat, he has not texted me. It’s been a full 48 hours.

Every weekend, I am reminded why you should never trust a twink.

we built a society based on the idea that you're only a good person deserving of help if you maintain a steady job and then we made it impossible to have one of those no matter what you went to school for or how much money you make

there was one good April Fools Day joke this year, and it was this. youtu.be/59NORGNnWlQ?...

i can only hope that if I was a Bimbofied Husband i too would have a wife who loves & supports me & sucks on my comically enormous fake tits

BREAKING: Gay Kalshi users are melting down after RuPaul sends [redacted] home.

Slayyyter the cinephile 😍🥰🎞️🎥💃🏻🪩

If J.K. Rowling had fucked a kid or said the N-word, this wouldn't even be a discussion. So if you ever wonder why the trans community doesn't feel like anyone has their backs *gestures wildly at Bluesky today*

making fun of losers who are still into Harry Potter actually seems to be working to some extent, and we should keep doing it Gen Z and Gen Alpha members are our strongest soldiers when it comes to calling out Harry Potter as irredeemably cringe millennial adult-baby slop

Bleep

And that’s just how it be some days.

“Nostalgia is a cop” Hell yeah

Exaaaaactly this. Boo Hoo we all miss the fun days of the Obama-era internet, but that’s not what it is anymore and we need to accept that and move forward the best we can.

Booked another appointment with this tattoo artist bc I love her (and her work) so much!!

“In front of Zendaya” as if we’re supposed to be extra scandalized that this happened in the presence of other cool people.

I’m thinking hard about buying tickets to Lolla bc three of my favorites are all performing on Friday (Charli, Slayyyter, Zara) and it’d be a good excuse to be back in Chicago for a weekend.

I don't ask for much from y'all, but I am asking that you click this link and vote for my girl Penelope!

TFW you've got a low-key crush on a guy who lives in the area and then you stumble across his OF and your crush is immediately doubled in size and strength. 😛😍🤤

I’ve been stuck in my “middle school phase” of growing out my hair, but I can finally put a hair tie around all of it and keep it there all day so I know we’re moving in the right direction.

And here I was thinking Publix has been gaslighting me the entire time

I got reprimanded at an old job bc I said the Metaverse “isn’t a real thing,” but a thing you should know about me is that I’m always right!

Jeremy O Harris continues to be the coolest person I knew in college, good on him.

Sometimes a movie is undeniable.

Sean Penn winning a third Oscar and not even bothering to show up is the most Sean Penn thing ever. He’s amazing in the movie, but damn.