weekend wrapup

Wellington. For one night only. We’re bringing our infamous music quiz back to San Fran. This Tuesday. 7:30pm. Register a team with the link below: bit.ly/Excellent-Mu...

just got woken up by this national emergency alert

“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should”

One day you’re hip and down with it, the next it’s a Friday night and you’re pulling a freshly baked focaccia out of the oven and topping it with homemade pesto because you had quote “too much basil in your herb garden”

I bet the first time a pirate said “Ahoy there,” the mateys went berserk

Yearning for the days when AI stood for Allen Iverson

Ever since I was young I knew I wanted to transform unstructured data into actionable business insights

no one told me how much harder it is to hop out of bed and turn your swag on when you’re 31

Hello! I’m excited to announce I’m releasing a new book! Slices of Heaven: Uniquely Kiwi Comics about Aotearoa is a collection of warm and witty comics about the DNA of Aotearoa, celebrating our quirks, institutions, identity, and shared experiences! danielvernon.bigcartel.com/product/slic...

Locked down my Twitter again just for safekeeping while I ignore it again forever except when checking in occasionally on remaining Asian human rights peeps, and Javed still providing truths about getting White Girl Wasted.

Cornhole should be an Olympic sport

There's nothing like getting a 2000s euro dance song stuck in your head to make you realise how accurate Planet of the Bass was in its nonsense.

Remember the time n the Koru Lounge when Jacinda handed Javed a bottle opener & he Tweeted what a g & it went viral & the Herald did a story then Nats were all how can we make this about us? & Judith & Simeon both posted pics holding bottle openers? We never talk about how perfect an analogy that is

There should be a drug that makes me feel the same way I do when the opening riff of Man! I Feel like a Woman hits

Really enjoying this headline from the Washington Post which implies the majority of New Zealanders are blasting Celine Dion until 3am and only some of us are unhappy about it.

Never beating the day drinking allegations

Drop a pic of your Friday night

The (provisional) 54th Parliament of New Zealand represented as shots

Broooo imagine hard launching ya new boo at your concession speech

Win or lose, we’re on the booze

There is nothing legally stopping you from having predrinks before you vote

Happy Friday the 13th to all the final girls ✨🌙🌷

Turns out my sexual orientation is Jack Tame completely eviscerating David Seymour

no one in recorded history has ever gone as hard as celine dion did in it’s all coming back to me now

White women just don’t write em like they used to

Just a friendly reminder that it’s time to start predrinking for the weekend

Before you dm me, just know I’m built like this

I am once again posting holiday throwbacks instead of working

STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND GO OUT FOR 12-16 JUGS OF SNAGRIA WITH YOUR HOTTEST FRIEND @javed.bsky.social

STOP MAKING EXCUSES, GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO HAVE 12-16 JUGS OF SANGRIA WITH YOUR HOTTEST FRIEND @yeehawtheboys.bsky.social

Due to foreseen circumstances I will be having a beer tonight

If you’re asked, “What’s your biggest weakness” in a job interview, just be honest and say carbs.

repeating old tweets on here is one thing, but once I pull out my 2016 thirst traps it’s all over for you hoes

Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.

If the beatles were as good as everyone says they were, why aren’t they on the Shrek 2 soundtrack?

accidentally had 10 beers on a school night ama

Dior Sauvage is just Lynx Africa for finance bros.

hot girl summer is over it is now fall out boy.

I suppose the main difference between me and Kenny Rogers is that if I was on a train with a guy who asked me for booze, said he had a lot of gambling experience and then immediately died, my mind wouldn’t have immediately gone to “I must live my life following this man’s wise words”

why am do i spend 8 hours in front of google sheets when i could simply be drinking beers in nature

It should be illegal to work when i just want to drink beers and listen to Kelly clarkson