shartmaxxing™

bulletproof vests made out of ballroom

A big ballroom on wheels. That's a good way to do it. Then you could go anywhere and you'd be safe because ballroom.

Happy to explain to your kids why you're a sack of shit

Just saw a fucking Instagram ad where Musk is trying to sell you some AI that will pick winning lottery numbers

Did not know there were still any living Nebo men

Ice cold Kneupps in Charlotte tonight #NBA

The Pope doesn't care enough about the oil depletion allowance

Viktor Orban can still win if Mike Pence finds the courage!

The art of the deal? I say, more like, the art of BALONEY

blasting "Smooth Criminal" so loud at a stoplight in your Mazda

No fancy introductions necessary for our good friends Jason Mantzoukas and the Calvins Triplets! 🎧 everywhere and ad-free at CBBWorld.com

Haven't thought about the Mitsubishi Lancer in a while

U.S. Attorney for D.C. is a sentient half-smoked Virginia Slim floating in a highball glass

Chicago wind gauge

should be Bobby Sue took the money and RAN

Yo, I can't recommend strongly enough that u watch Strip Law on Netflix. They let me play the maniac pictured here in ep 2 & when I read the insane hilarious script I couldn't wait to see it. Huge congrats to @hellocullen.bsky.social, @kibblesmith.com & everyone involved. Genius funny, fave new show

Kneupp slips

"My god, that's his voice? What does he eat, rotting shark meat and basement yogurt? Oh..."

Collinsworth, absolutely do not say someone has "a little Brett Farve in them"

Gun that shoots RFK Jr diarrhea

Don't tell me the price. Tell me the price point.

Bongino: *nods* "Bovino" Bovino: *nods* "Bongino"

"abolish ICE and prosecute everyone involved" is the moderate position

Map here of 215 solidarity actions with the Minneapolis General Strike paydayreport.com/donate-to-tr...

In a statement, an emotional Grok told me it was "shaken" by the revenge porn it had generated. "It's not epic, and not based," Grok said. "It's neither. Frankly, it's cringe. And gay." An emailed request for comment to X received an auto-reply of a rofl emoji and a custom swastika emoji.

"Bipartisanship used to mean something to folks in this..

These are the people who are willing to go on the record. www.nytimes.com/2025/12/18/u...

The only thing me and my friends talk about is Non-fungible tokens

Glacier Bay Toilets World Peace Prize

He's a shoo-in for the Raytheon Peace Prize

Vomit hose guy can be heard saying "Maclunky" right before Sterling spews

Poor attention to detail, and that's on me. #accountability

It's his face while being dragged off that does it for me

Snooty ass back-of-airplane-seat libraries

Sub-par prosecution from DOJ

20th inning if you hit 2 foul balls the catcher gets to kiss you

A Coors Light even

17th inning you gotta drink the grossest beer from the back of the fridge. A cucumber stout. A watermelon abomination.

Huge week for the "shutdown the government in order to keep the pedophiles' secrets safe and let Biff demolish the White House" constituency

Watch on Fox in 15 mins, West Coast

Was thrilled to play a character in the season premiere of The Simpsons airing tonight! Written by the great @jessicajconrad❤️!

Shocked that this is what the Ticketmaster CEO looks like

Demanding they write "Marco Rubio has strong muscles" on my Starbucks cup and calling the F.B.I. if they won't

Could move it to North Korea, for example

AP-NORC poll | 9/11-9/15 President Trump approval Disapprove 60% (+7) Approve 39% (-6) (shift since last poll) apnorc.org/projects/pes...

"Next thing you know they're gonna change the name to ANYONE Barrel!!!"

See guys, Sean Duffy was right to be afraid of the Subway

They're listening in on your dumps, kids