For all the football watchers on the tl, the last time a Houston NFL team made it to the AFC championship was the late 70s. They couldn't even pull it off with Warren Moon, so don't get your hopes up.

The only thing Zuckerberg did well was rehash an existing technology and be positioned in the right place at the right time when the industry leader betrayed its users causing a mass exodus. Every other successful tech he owns he bought. He has never created anything new.

The conversation right now is, "you should vote for shitheel Gavin Newsome against the fascists." The conversation *should* be, "you should vote for a primary candidate you're not in love with if it stops Gavin Newsom from being the nominee."

Grape-crab gotta be only available in Baltimore

I don't even want a lightsaber. It's just a little bit too much. A lightparingknife would suffice for me.

Every time you log into X, you are signing a contract that allows Elon to sue you, for any reason or no reason, and have the case assigned to a court where he’s virtually guaranteed a win

Biscuits and gravy.. breakfast? brunch? Idk

Maybe I'm too old for midnight movies. It was fun, but damn, where da coffee

Not seated

Idc

I bet at least 10% of those dudes in ice have listened to that puddle of mudd song while crying about an ex in the last couple months

Ft Worth, the Texas bellwether, is looking a little rough

A pretty big reason there's only about 3 cities in the US (and the world really) I'd even consider relocating to full time. I love my diverse city.

In what hillbilly hollar does Ted Sarandos live?

Chuck Schumer: "Surely this time republicans are negotiating in good faith!"

I've already gone to the trouble of asking Bruce if he was a cop and he told me no, which means he isn't a cop because he'd have to say if he was asked, so please feel free to help Bruce out here

Ruin a band by changing one letter. Neutral Milk Hovel

Presented my DVD of Dane Cook/Jessica Simpson romcom Employee of the Month (2006) to Trump

People who don't have passports expecting everyone else to carry their passport

Goddamn you ever had mashed potatoes so smooth you can suck it through a straw? And not even like a boba straw, but like a coffee stirring stick?? Damn, that's smoother than Michael Bublé under the mistletoe!

Still thinking about the big cat's smooth mashed potatoes. Goddamn those were so smooth. Some people (haters) might say they were soupy potatoes, but no, they were just super smooth, smooth like Michael Jackson's criminality

I bet you've never seen mashed potatoes this smooth. These are the Santana featuring Rob Thomas of mashed potatoes

If you really believe people are being paid to protest and disrupt ICE, go sign up. Go ahead. Go make some money and then take the paystub to Fox news. Prove that's what's happening

ABOLISH ICE

Today I was reminded that technology can be good actually when I was able to repair a water fountain after watching a youtube video Sometimes computer can be pretty neat

"specialists in violence" if you're a burrito maybe

Hole milk is what he calls Bubba cum

Anyways...

I hear scott adams died from slipping on a banana peel and falling ass first onto a lego washington monument which caused him to leap up and accidentally jump into a vat of glue which then spilled out directly into a pile of sawdust that stuck to the glue which then caught fire thanks to woke.

Lmao sure why not www.reuters.com/world/senior...

What's funniest about this (to me anyhow) is that Greg Bovino is walking out of the restroom like he just took a really dry shit and the turd was at least twice the diameter of his asshole

It's probably a good thing ice only hires idiots

A reminder that X is not the only social media thing people need to quit.

IOW, someone should try "ICE is creating traffic jams, stealing your parking, and creating havoc at the grocery store, and that's why we should hang every last son of a bitch by the neck until he's dead"

House rep lmao. That wasn't in my christmas stocking but maybe by November I'll have one if midterms aren't canceled. As for my senator.. ted cruz is too busy throwing bodies in the bayous to work for Texans, so I'm out of luck.

I got hassled by a cop in Memphis, Tennessee who, in his zeal to be a dickhead, jumped out of his car before putting it in park so then had to run down the street chasing his still moving yet driverless auto, so the comical ineptitude is pretty on brand with the slippy fally ice guys in Minneapolis

I have got to finish at least one of these ten before I start reading another book

The nabno improv team at @stationtheater.bsky.social had me laughing so hard I was crying last night. Just like the emoji but for real.

Erik the Red's inaccurate naming conventions from over one thousand years ago still affecting global politics today Yes I think Trump believes Greenland is verdant and Iceland is all icy

If you blow up the Death Star, whats going to keep the local systems in line?

Slightly diminish a game Duck, duck, oh look a third duck

The newest architectural wonder in Houston

I just saw an airplane flying backwards and then it disappeared into a cloud

Everyone in ice thinks they're Mac, but they're all Farva

Average ice agent

the median ICE agent has to make the L with his left hand every time GPS tells him to take a left

That's a pretty plate of a standard American weekend breakfast