A comedian's job is not to hold truth to power. A comedian's job is usually dog walker or barista or baby sitter or sometimes office temp at like Hims.

While the world’s eyes are on fashion’s biggest night, we’re turning ours to the garment, retail, and warehouse workers who keep the industry running. From true love found on the picket line to a free tailoring school out of a Brooklyn basement — meet the New Yorkers who make it all possible.

It would be fun if one year the Met was like “okay, this year the Met Gala theme is Frogs.”

Obi Wan: A lightsaber... a weapon for a more civilized age. That civilized age: I got 10000 credits on the slave boy competing in the deadly drag race.

May the Fourth be with you! Gonna hunt, kill, and cook the Baby Yoda like he's a beef wellington.

Potentially faking an attempt on your life to force your friends to build you a fancy room. Welcome, President Jenna Maroney.

In this car we believe a car is a perfectly acceptable replacement for a house I have visitation rights it's not drunk driving if you live "in" the car

I broke up with my friend because they use Crest Whitestrips.

Where the grass is [redacted] and the girls are [redacted].

My “I wasn’t friends with a pedophile” t shirt is prompting a lot of questions already answered by my t shirt and all that.

I can’t wait to see all of my definitely real 20,000+ Bluesky followers there.

If Artemis is going up then it gives me an excuse to once again post this photo, the only one to contain every human being in the universe but one.

FUN FACT: You personally interact with dozens, even hundreds of artists and storytellers on this website every day who dedicate 0% of their resources to directly harming trans people. Many of them have comics, or albums, or podcasts, or even fantasy novels available for your guilt-free enjoyment!

Go fash lose cash bb

While JD has said instead of Iranians he’d prefer to deal with the ottomans.

You’re about to get deported to Namibia for not having more than 3 ounces of airport Dasani.

STOP 👏🏽 BLAMING 👏🏽 EVERYTHING 👏🏽 ON 👏🏽 LATINOS 👏🏽

Every time he plays.

“Saving Private Ryan” remake where I’m part of a squad with Colin and Tom Hanks trying to get Chet out of my native country.

Every episode of the X-Files has a moment that’s like: MULDER: The victim disappeared after saying “I must return to my space planet. Bleep blorp. Bleep blorp.” SCULLY: Hmm. It can’t possibly be aliens.

As an immigrant, this is concerning.

Same energy.

Salmon is the best food to cook for guests if you want your guests to think your house always smells like salmon.

Hell will not be enough.

A fucking classic that never gets old.

Lin-Manuel Miranda is still waiting by the phone like “they’re gonna call, right?”

Absolutely insane that there’s a penalty called “unnecessary roughness” when that’s like the whole sport. Like soccer punishing you for “excessive kicking” or baseball having a foul for “being super boring” and “taking fucking forever.”

This is one of the best pieces I read last year.

ME: AI Shohei, I feel like no one loves me. I am so alone. I'm thinking of ending things. AI SHOHEI: You should gamble on draftkings-dot-com.

Hardly the first thing this administration should correct, but we should all get some sort of reparation money every time we have to look at JD Vance’s stupid dorkass face.

I’m proud to work at a show where this happens.

We're getting so much better at early detection of CTE.

#Arsenal #EPL

I wrote this sketch for The Late Show three years ago because Latino representation in Hollywood was so bad. Glass to see my sketch actually made it worse.

NOOOOO! LEAP DAY WILLIAM!

this is like when Henry Cavill reloads his fists in that Mission:Impossible

Greg Bovino looks like a dog who doesn't realize that steak will be his last meal before "the injection."

One day, this will all be over. And one day, a child will ask their mother to tell them about their grandparent or their uncle or their dad. And that mom will say “we don’t talk about him.” Bc him and all the people he works with and everything he ever did is a shitstain on humanity.

Only one explanation for this, Macron is "The Santa Clause-ing" into the new Joe Biden.

Las Culturistas getting a little too serious for me.

You just know that FACELESS ICE AGENT will be one of the speakers at the 2028 GOP convention.

When ICE murders you, you can be safe in the knowledge the official DHS account will drop an epicsauce meme of the six flags guy dancing on your grave.

Hey, if you love great people talking about hilarious books next to beautiful rivers, come see this “Late Show”reading/Q&A with Kate Sidley, Asher Perlman, and Felipe Torres Medina on January 24th! www.writerscenter.org/event-detail...

How stupid do you think the guy who made the best dos leches cake felt?

I think they’re adding too many characters to this movie.

Yeah, this is an Arsenal and Mets fan.