One day, this will all be over. And one day, a child will ask their mother to tell them about their grandparent or their uncle or their dad. And that mom will say “we don’t talk about him.” Bc him and all the people he works with and everything he ever did is a shitstain on humanity.

Only one explanation for this, Macron is "The Santa Clause-ing" into the new Joe Biden.

Las Culturistas getting a little too serious for me.

You just know that FACELESS ICE AGENT will be one of the speakers at the 2028 GOP convention.

When ICE murders you, you can be safe in the knowledge the official DHS account will drop an epicsauce meme of the six flags guy dancing on your grave.

Hey, if you love great people talking about hilarious books next to beautiful rivers, come see this “Late Show”reading/Q&A with Kate Sidley, Asher Perlman, and Felipe Torres Medina on January 24th! www.writerscenter.org/event-detail...

How stupid do you think the guy who made the best dos leches cake felt?

I think they’re adding too many characters to this movie.

Yeah, this is an Arsenal and Mets fan.

The thing The X-Files understands is that sometimes you NEED your leads to wear slutty little glasses.

Every picture of these fuckers looks like a SpongeBob closeup.

This is what the potato you left on the back of the fridge since June looks like.

Ur little cousin got grounded for yelling “Six seven” during grandma’s wake.

A List of Books You Could Gift! open.substack.com/pub/notfromh...

This isn’t my first rodeo, but what if we pretend— as a joke— that it is and you run me through the basics? Like, why is that cow so upset?

It's so cool how Star Wars ended with The Last Jedi: a great movie with a bittersweet ending that subverts the trilogy's ideas while believing deeply in them. Imagine if they'd done another movie with terrible ideas like bringing back Palpatine or making Rey a Skywalker.

When Rob Reiner was on his all-time epic run at the start of his career, he had an opportunity to read a script that was looking for a production partner, and he lost his mind for it. He decided Castle Rock had to have it, no matter what.

His mind is like looking at a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Every single time you look at it, you're like "oh, look, here's another fucked up thing."

As we mourn Rob Reiner, don’t skip this: he was, pretty much, personally responsible for overturning California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage. www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/bus...

Me to my true love: Oh… ANOTHER lord a-leapin. That’s so… many!

So honored to be on this list of funny books and books about funny people. I heard Ernest Hemingway never made this list, so… sorry Earnie. Order my book here: bookshop.org/p/books/amer...

Today on @vulture.com: my list of the top 10 comedy books of 2025. Featuring great works by @felipetmedina.bsky.social @pulmyears.bsky.social @clearwing3.bsky.social and many more. www.vulture.com/article/best...

This is the most depressing email subject line.

Absolutely obsessed with the logo for this Greek soccer team whose name I assume translates to Haircut Model F.C.

I wrote about the stupid bowl they maybe sell at Sweetgreen.

We’ve never been more back.

I hope some newspapers use a crop where you can easily read the sign.

All’s I’m gonna say is I think you’re gonna wanna watch Stephen Colbert tonight.

Not saying it would save everything but I feel like we could do a lot about the male loneliness epidemic by hosting a bunch of screenings of “Master & Commander: The Far Side of the World.”

Eric Adams can’t do a scavenger hunt because everyone knows “the first stop is always Istanbul.”

Holy shit, my humor book, “America, Let Me In,” is the #1 book on Immigration Policy on Amazon! That a joke book can do this is very cool and a little distressing! Keep me at #1 by ordering it for yourself or your aunt or your cousin who thought “mass deportation now” excluded big booty latinas.

Very happy to share this interview about my book, “America, Let Me In,” with Julieta Martinelli on LatinoUSA on NPR. www.latinousa.org/2025/08/10/c...

Jeremy is wise! Be like Jeremy!

Hector Bellerin isn’t the best player Arsenal have had in the Emirates era, but he is the coolest www.theguardian.com/books/2025/j...

Whoever came up with the word "hitherto" needed to take a fucking chill pill.

Simply the best job I’ve ever had. I love @colbertlateshow.bsky.social and everyone who works there. You have ten months to keep watching us do the best show on earth.

Hey, Milwaukee, you get to be the last stop on my book tour, so come over to @boswellbooks.bsky.social tonight at 6:30 to see me talk to @taylorkayphillips.bsky.social about my book!

A fun way to get back at Jeff Bezos on Prime Day is to buy your books at your local bookstore! If you’re in Chicago, buy my book and coming to see me talk about it with Emmy Award-Winner Ali Barthwell at tomorrow at Three Avenues Bookshop at 6:30 pm! www.eventbrite.com/e/felipe-tor...

I simply can’t bring my two kids, Braydren and The Girl to see the new Superman movie because it is so woke. Also, because I don’t have visitation rights.

The only good thing about Andy Ogles is that his name is also a description of his profile picture and a warning to all women around him.

Finding out that Zohran Mamdani is an Arsenal fan who was active in Arsenal Twitter is very funny because you know soon the mayor of NYC has a deep trigger phrase that is the phrase “he’s 28 until he becomes 29.”

Lander: "It's just gross, racist bigotry. Meanwhile he's running an optimistic, upbeat campaign for a NY where everybody belongs, and I feel proud as the highest-ranking Jewish elected official in NYC to be supporting somebody who would be the first Muslim mayor—what could be more NYC than that?"

Hope and solidarity won tonight, and will win again in November. Congratulations, @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social

Spare a thought for Andrew Cuomo’s Airbnb host who all of a sudden needs to find a new guest.

Zohran won the primary. I had a really great club sandwich. Overall, a pretty good day for 33-year-old brown immigrants with a beard who live in New York.

It’s Handsome Brown Boy Summer you fucks

Andrew Cuomo will now return to his home planet, Pervertitron-7