Free the Nipple used to be like “let people be shirtless!” But now all my friends are getting top surgery and freeing themselves of nipples entirely which I guess is one way to not have to wear a bikini at the beach.

I want to congratulate scientists on making smaller and smaller devices that make us angrier and angrier

Being a plant enthusiast is the only hobby I can think of that DIES WHEN YOU TAKE A BREAK FROM IT?? Why couldn’t I be drawn to knitting? Or poetry? Why does my brain go “no, you like keeping leaves green forever. good luck with that ADHD”

"salmonella" is spanish for "she's a salmon"

You can just tell when someones never had a job that made them mop

Imposing a tariff on that ass

we wouldn't need "fast travel" if our game studios invested in accessible and affordable public transport infrastructure. skyrim should have a tram network. assassin's creed should have several regular bus routes. give ghost of tsushima a metro

i want gayer games with gayer graphics made by the gayest people and i'm not joking

I love BlueSky so much more than X. That’s it. That’s the skeet.

You know the city you live in is too expensive when airport food elsewhere feels reasonably priced

pick up an analog hobby, I'm so serious. something that holds your attention and is fun for you, literally anything. Collect and identify bread tags or something, just don't fall into the trap of doomscroll paralysis again

It's ok to use chatbots for everyday monotony like writing your wedding vows because this frees you up to use your creative energy for what truly matters: making powerpoints for work meetings

It feels absolutely insane given the state of the world right now that I’m an actor. Like. Cool cool cool, can’t wait to fight our descent into fascism by *checks notes* dropping into character.

in retrospect I think it may have been a mistake to make the work machine and the procrastination machine be the same machine

trans liberation forever!!!

Me, every time I drink a Ramune: I want that fucking marble so bad

Do you ever get the feeling that Earth gravity is...a bit much? Tripping and falling should not be as big of a deal as it is.

share your favorite “fantasy” spelling of a totally average name in fiction I still never got over George R. R. Martin naming someone Qarl

Video games make puddle reflections slightly unrealistic on purpose. A perfectly accurate puddle causes players to enter “Puddle Madness” and become entranced by its ray traced beauty. They will stop playing, stop blinking, stare at the puddle until they die of thirst

I woke up, immediately started scrolling and read this while my brain was still booting up. I think it short circuited something. This is why digital hygiene is important my brain is now shaped like a… dolphin? No whale. What am I. What time is it. Why did I do this.

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over! Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂

There is something so beautiful about scrolling down in my Following feed then hitting THE END. Like that’s it. I’m caught up. All done! I did it! I can go about my day now!! THE CONTENT IS FINITE AND I AM FREE!! I like it here. 😍

Would it be bad form for me to cross post my greatest hits from ye old Twitter days? Let’s all weigh in and then I’ll do it anyways.

i can't remember who did it and i think they deleted it or their account but one of the things i've laughed hardest at in my life was a tweet that was just: "[alanis voice] i'm full but i'm eating"

Take back your attention.

Video games as a working adult hit different. You’re not escaping life anymore… you’re just trying to make progress somewhere.

Welp. I can’t delete all my social media and run off into the forest. So I guess this is the next best thing. Hey nerds. 👋