Just woke up from a nightmare where Roman Mars licensed his voice to every AI company and every device in my house started talking to me like a public radio HAL 9000.

Feel like hub caps used to be a way bigger deal

Sounds huge for my fellow Canadians with Seasonal Affective Disorder. If anyone wants to go halfsies on a perma-summer space ray, hmu.

“Yet, one of the first things I read about them is that they are not diverse enough” From whomst, Mel? Almost nobody even voted for this city council. No one cares. Unreal victim brain here. “I read one article (or possibly just a tweet), and now I feel attacked for liking city council.”

Idk what the fuck we're all doing when there's a new Katamari game and we're not all just playing that instead. We are a broken people. We should be rolling up cows rn.

I am an entrepreneur, a small business owner, and a proud bedwetter. I support founders, CEO’s and all of the business leaders driving our economy. Together we’re working towards one day finishing a book without pictures! Solving business challenges with AI first technology. Like if you agree! 👍

I need a “I like soldiers that weren’t captured” style line from Trump about entrepreneurs. “I like businessmen that are successful”. “Oh he’s a small business owner? That’s very nice. Most good business don’t stay small for very long, you know.”

Weird to phrase it as “life of service” when what you’re saying is “I should be in charge” and not for instance; serving at a soup kitchen.

Getting fired from my job for making a Bluesky list called “Dutch Freaks that Need to be Investigated”.

I have a strict regimen of refusing to feel anything from October-May, and this is a fairly good method for combating seasonal depression. My biggest weakness is seeing a picture of a sunny summer day and crying while I’m at work.

That’s right AI is ushering in the wonderful age of human utopia: working 72 hours a week for a pervert

We’ve gotta loosen up on what kind of bullying we allow as it pertains to capitalists. For example, if someone has a stutter then I think it’s cruel to tease them. But if that same person is like “W-w-w-we need to have uh r-r-r-r-reduced regu..lations on business to increase p-p-p-p-productivity”

The Springer home run was electric. A great moment, the best of the best of post-season baseball. It’s just tough to watch so many people from Toronto being happy. Like you know it’s possible, you just never want to see it.

*extremely French detective voice* “Gentlemen, I am beginning to sink zat zis ladder is how zey broke in to ze museum. 🤔”

Not sure the folks at NBC/Peacock thought this one through

Christianity as consumer identity is the biggest dream they can imagine.

the baby caught a glimpse of microsoft teams on her dad’s phone. you hope to shelter them from things like this until they’re older. naturally she’s inconsolable

Please stop transforming all of the spaces into mobile worksites! Most of our spaces are for working, leave some for loafing, lazing, meandering, wandering, frolicking, exploring, enjoying, and relaxing! Leave some spaces where I couldn’t possibly work!

*clapping like a seal, mouth gaping* PLEASE PUT ALL RECOGNIZABLE AND POPULR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY INTO EVERYTHING ELSE!!! PLEASE LET ME BUY THE BATTLE PASS SO I CAN WATCH SPIDERMAN AND DONALD DUCK RIDE DRAGONS IN SPACE! YAY!

Poverty is a difficult metric to track, often tough to define by household income. The only reliable indicator is the presence of a Roku product in the home.

Happy Cybersecurity Awareness Month to those who celebrate.

"This website is free" No. This website comes at a terrible cost

I've distilled my policy proposals into 5 points: 1. Pedal Pub owners/operators should be classified as domestic terrorists. 2. Any building with color-changing LED lights on it MUST sell either vapes or knives. Even if that building is a single family home.

We’re at most two years away from Silicon Valley trying to sell us fax machines again.

You can just not endorse a candidate for Ward 13. It is insulting to insist that a small business owner with an MBA represents anything close to a progressive vision for Calgary. The bar is so low here man. This sucks.

"A.I." is the tool of and the prevailing aesthetic of fascists leading to a world devoid of meaning or art.

Compelling stuff. @nytimes.com

only a true visionary would know that "doing things" is harder than "thinking about doing things"

If only we had made Calgary a more “business friendly” city 🤡. #yyc

What a terrible business! Maybe we should federalize the post office and just treat it like a service. 🤔

If my name was Brent I would make my display name “Brentanyl Overdose”. Just the kind of edgy humor that guys like me enjoy. You soft libs don’t understand.

Bought two bags of the new novelty flavour of chips at the store just in case they’re good - and I am absolutely shaking right now. This feels illustrative of what they refer to in the financial industry as my “risk tolerance”.

Good for her. That’s how I want to go out. With a foot-long hot dog in my mouth and preserved for millennia.

I only just got to see it now. Are you telling me that my girl didn’t even get the headline spot at her own husbands funeral? She got bumped for the host of The Apprentice? That’s fucking nuts.

can we get colbert back instead

Waiting to see which hotel chain is brave enough to pull the trigger on jacking up the price then saying “if you do all the housekeeping, you get a ‘discount’ at the end of your stay”.

we should have never normalized filming strangers in public and posting them as content

Have we successfully Luxury Condo’d our way out of the housing crisis yet? Surely we’re only 10 or 12 converted office space apartments away from really having this thing nailed down.

Incredible how prescient the MegaMan series has always been.

may I speak with the primary poster in your household?

The one time we got the smoking gun of undeniable ideology that mapped neatly onto american partisanship in political violence was J6, and we decided it was too scary to treat it as such, so now we return to deciphering memes of school shooters like medieval peasants panicking at an eclipse.

- you clean up that banksy? - sure did, your honour, leaving a perfect, permanent outline, imbuing the work with real fuckin gravitas while making its point better than the artist did himself just like you asked

"smart watch" as a portable computer is pointless. the wearable computer should take up your entire forearm and fold out like a yugioh duel disk and also you can do poses with it

Right now there’s a kid in college using Chat GPT to write about the importance of reading for their small business pitch project. 1 paragraph in it becomes clear that their pitch is “privatized libraries”,and this kid will walk away with an MBA and we all have to pretend they’re not fucking useless

Nothing is more exciting to me than when a game that I already enjoy secures a licensing agreement with a popular IP to bring those characters into the game. One day I will be able to bring Jimmy Neutron across all digital media platforms and make every play experience nearly identical!

Actually, Frankenstein is a doctor success at the Venice film festival

the people who made this thing should be treated like dealers who mix fent into drugs.

The mental health benefits of not knowing any history right now must be massive. Moving through your day with total equanimity. What happens next? Who knows? Maybe something good

I just had the word DUCK autocorrected to FUCK. Which is a real twist. So as far as AI spellcheck is concerned we’re kind of back to square one if you ask me.