The guy at H&R block asked if I had any investments and I said “Oh no, John. All my money is in Beanie Babies.” And then I had to explain that I was joking. So that was a fun little thing.

Five cases of what?

When radioactivity was discovered, there was a rush to market for all sorts of radioactive consumer goods. There were water jugs made out of uranium glass, for example. I think about that a lot these days whenever I see AI products being marketed to consumers.

“Oh so I’m being arrested for THOUGHT CRIMES now?!” Yes. Your thoughts are bad, and you will be well treated in our reeducation camps until your thoughts suck less.

I will be starting my own Alberta separatism movement, but we have actual plans. 1. Nationalize the oil industry 2. Bring back smoking indoors. 3. Criminalize private school advocacy.

NO! I am not looking to expand my professional network. I am looking for 7 unemployed friends with flexible schedules who can host a cube draft or ttrpg game once a week.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you well know, my client has been ACCUSED of posting cringe… Now I for one suggest - [pregnant pause] - … that we all go beat the shit out of him in the parking lot.

I guess my commentary on this would be; does Truth Social not have a dark mode? My brain at this point sees black text on white background and assume it's a Truth from the president.

The ubiquity of humanoid robots made to do things that humans already do makes it too clear that these people just want slaves. Why does the robot need to run? We have cars. Who cares? Why does it need to cook and clean? So the wealthy don’t have to do it or pay someone to do it.

This is not an achievement when you consider, like, vehicles and things

iq tests should subtract 10 points for being the type of guy who'd take an iq test

BUSINESS TIP: If your organization has an executive that insists on walking on stage to Thunderstruck by AC/DC at corporate events, he needs to be launched into the sun.

he's not subtle but not ostentatious either. his style feels sublime. I like him

Regulate corporations, not people. Start by regulating the use of algorithms to deliver content, don’t allow ads/paid targeting anyone under 16, platform culpability for the spread of misinformation on, require limits on engagement-based user experience design, etc.

I mean, it’s a brokerage party And it’s been a brokerage party for the Eastern Canadian bourgeoisie since time immemorial The problem isn’t that the Liberal Party suddenly doesn’t understand what it is, the problem is that it understands what it is all too well

Crazy that Rand Paul is a protestant or whatever even though his dad was the pope.

Problem: I get chilly at night. Solution: Turn up heat. Problem: Air gets very dry with heat on and I wake up dried out. Solution: I will install a hot tub in the bedroom and stay wet and warm all night long. My working name is The Slumber Jacuzzi.

Never been more smug about having all my money in 7-11 Rewards points and Beanie Babies. Picked the right time to get out of Norwegian Kroner and Magic: The Gathering cards. 😏

I do respect vulnerability, and think it’s necessary. But if your twitch handle is in your display name while we’re playing a game, I reserve the right to check out your stream and make you feel embarrassed for putting yourself out there.

None of you want to hear this but the Subway employees who are really fast, like the ones who look like a Vegas blackjack dealer, it is totally valid to call them a sandwich artist.

Well he can kiss his damage deposite goodbye, thats for sure.

Swear to god my upstairs neighbours are rollerblading this morning.

Imagine if they had dragons. Did you think of that Jesse? Imagine Dragons. They would control the skies with fire and scales.

It’s called Consulting 💅🏻

I guess everything I own is old, but the shrill electronic beep from every appliance is terrible. Why does my coffee maker sound like a mini smoke alarm? I’m too anxious for that. I get more freaked out by loud beeps than pets do.

[iPhone does not have enough storage to download new update] iPhone: M’lord, would you consider deleting any number of the 7000 pictures of Garfield that you have saved? Me: I would throw you into a volcano before I delete even one picture of Garfield, go to hell.

I love this sentence. Perhaps people have this belief because normal people don’t speak in weird qualifiers about separation . For example; I would simply say “No, that’s stupid.” Normal people also don’t make a point of hanging out with separatists all the time.

Windows 14 rumored to have a free trial with no limit on playtime all the way up to level 70, including the award winning expansions "Heavensward" and "Stormblood," sources say.

if your game doesnt list whatever the fuck this is as a feature then i will not play it

Calgary city govt. is just entirely beholden to landlords and business owners man. Everything constructed near the city centre is purely for the benefit of rent-seekers and vape shop owners.

I fucking hate this shit man. “Small capitalist tries to profit off large capitalist, gets rejected” is the the oldest fucking story. 13 year olds shouldn’t dream of being “entrepreneurs”. And the smol bean capitalist angle of “how do they even know about me? Owo” come on man.

“Hey ChatGPT, [Loudly farting]” [Closes app] “Got ‘em 😏”

I’ve been giving up for a while, but i just started getting into diet coke, and it feels like it’s pretty much over at this point.

Soft ware creates hard times, hard times create Hardware, hard wares creates softwares.

We’ve gotta turn the corner on image generators. The benefits gotta be pretty fuckin’ good to outweigh the fact that everyone has access to the “fake revenge porn, infinite CP, sexual harassment” machine. It’s not good for anyone, just because it’s new doesn’t mean it’s good or needs to exist.

Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got

I kind of assume that every hockey player I’ve ever cheered for sucks in some way. They’re all millionaire meat heads, so there’s no chance we’ll have similar politics, and that is what it is. The thing about team USA that’s so weird, is that Kash Patel is just a fucking dork regardless of politics

This came to me in in a dream* [*] I had several store brand beers and gave birth to this

Why do I have to pretend that I'm going to print something in order to save it as a PDF. Why do I have to engage in a little ruse.

the main reason to go after the rich is that if you don’t the entire structure of your society is predicated on the whims of people who are entirely disconnected from ordinary life billionaires are simply too dangerous to exist, and any budgetary stuff that comes out of it is just a bonus

Why does my thermostat even go up to 35c? Might as well have big switch on the wall that says “Fuck It 🔥 Burn it Down”

Am I supposed to feel like I’m in Star Trek when I have to interact with a touch screen? Every public touch screen feels absolutely disgusting, and everything else makes me feel like an absolute dork. Your car runs on gas, why does it have a computer terminal? Use fucking buttons man.

Maybe we better release every billionaire’s emails, just to be safe.

Bro you’re gonna ask CLOD and GROK? Bro, those are caveman names. You’re gonna get a neolithic-ass answer bro. I asked THAK and he said “GRUUUUGH!” That’s what you sound like bro.

I see the issue. When we said we would replace human workers with machines you assumed the machines would work. That's on you

"Hey, you. You're finally awake." #Olympics #Canada

Jesus Christ. The worst jobs I've ever had didn't have break rooms that were this fucking bleak. #Olympics

too many kids today have never destroyed the family PC with sketchy downloads you must learn to fear Computer before you can properly wield Computer