The absolute accuracy of this.

oh I'm cooked? I'm washed? well joke's on you. cooking and washing are important household chores and I take them as a compliment.

Update btw: I OWN A HOUSE

Oh hell yeah, top 0.2% @cheekface.bsky.social fan!!

I just made the nicest scrambled eggs of my life i think

I nearly own a house

unfortunately this is funny as fuck

I'll feeling a lot of guilt over the death of my favourite bathroom spider. She lived in the windowframe and came out at night, but I had to shut the window lately cuz it got cold. She never went back into her windowframe house even when I encouraged her to after I'd opened the window again

I love having a teenage niece, i just sent her this screenshot and she loved it

Really into handbuilding mugs from coils at the moment, lads

What's everyone's fave unrealistic situation to maladaptive daydream about?

I feel like I've been speedrunning colds since I started using a neti pot/sinus rinse 2 years ago. Like, I used to have 2 weeks of horrible sinus infection/pain every time, but now I can clear it in like 2-3 days and never have to even blow my nose. It's mad. I love running water thru my face holes.

Peanut the hamster died a couple of weeks ago. I've printed off pics of her for my desk at work, and looking at them is nice but then I get pangs of grief because she was so tiny and such a gentle lady and I miss her 😭 did she know I loved her?? 😭😭

dating apps should have a feature where they mercy kill you after a certain amount of time

Living wage? What of the laughing wage. How much is the loving wage. Tell me that

Also work sucks lmao, I want the NHS to work so bad but WHY IS IT LIKE THIS. WHY IS IT RUN LIKE THIS. WHO PUT THESE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF IT?

I'm buying a house soon and it's stressful and I don't understand any of the paperwork!!! But at least I'll have a garden and I can put bird feeders up and try to befriend local birds

Dreamt I was on a cute date with Greg Cheekface this morning, then woke up and realised it wasn't real. What is the fucking point of being awake, don't talk to me

The moment the Utah Governor read the engravings on the casings of the bullet, since people are asking. Notably, none of these are transgender symbols.

Cry laughing

Elon Musk, the genius visionary who could not predict that the guy who has betrayed every person he has ever met would betray him

the fact most reports are leaving out that he was killed protecting his husband during a homophobic hate crime where his dead dog's skull was placed in their mailbox as a threat is leaving some important details out i think

On the three-year anniversary of the verdict in Depp v. Heard, I wrote about realizing the terrible truth that she was, in fact, the victim—and seeing the DARVO playbook weaponized against endless women online and in the courts ever since. spitfirenews.com/p/what-we-di...

Have and of you ever actually won anything on the Octopus meter reading wheel? I've never even got £1 and I've been with them for years. Give me at least one quid to keep me interested, ffs.

Please god make a new TV show and stop dragging these corpses around

Just burst into tears at this

okay

I had a really lovely weekend visiting my family for mother's day & birthdays 🥹 also here's the dog!!!

Lvl 69 fishing on runescape, can I get some NICEs in the replies

@mikaelaloach.bsky.social hello! I've just finished your book, and I just wanted to drop a quick message to say: THANK YOU for writing such a lovely, educational & inspirational book!! I've learned loads from it, but most importantly you've empowered me to hope & motivated me to Do Something!!

Among the devastating burns that the teenagers from the local school call to one another as they pass my front door, the one that most chills me is, “Your dad’s got a podcast”

Come and fight me in Cafe Pie

Google how do i let my hamster know that I'm sorry for ruining her tunnels and digging up her bedding, but I was just checking that she definitely wasn't dead ?

The world is grim, lads. I'm struggling to take it all in, but I still keep going and that's pretty rad of me imo

Every time someone corrects a newbie on a birding group with "There's no such thing as a seagull ☝️🤓", you're legally allowed to doxx them

#BigGardenBirdWatch for 2025 done! On a soggy Sunday starting at 14:42, I saw: 🐦 4 woodpigeons 🐦 2 magpies 🐦 16 goldfinches (!!!) 🐦 1 carrion crow 🐦 2 jackdaws 🐦 7 bluetits

One of my consultants came to my desk at 5:50pm on friday and gave me these rspb pin badges :') I wanted to cry hehe

Please stop posting stuff I don’t like. In the future try to do posts that I would enjoy

Me and my colleague whose initials are RH share milk at work, so we write RHCP on our bottles - but this then makes me get the riff from 'Can't Stop' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers stuck in my head whenever I make the tea

Another batshit freebie post in my local facebook group.

It actually is very important that you do things that you take pleasure in, regularly. That is part of how you survive the things that feel like they are going to destroy you.

[Me, pausing Jurassic Park while I'm showing it to a baby for the first time in its life] okay so to be clear palaeontological evidence has always suggested that T. rex had really good eyesight actually, however this comment here comes from a chapter in the novel which explains that-

Winterwatch, let's fuckin' gooooo!!! ❄️🦊

Are people really trying to blame a grown adult man doing a nazi salute on the fact that he's autistic?

I watched some fan-made animated scenes from the Jurassic Park novel this morning, and they are so dark and creepy. It's making me want to read it again, but I need to read something else for once in my life.

I'm a princess and all birds love me btw

You're watching the inauguration. I'm watching leaked photo of heaven going viral on social media