extremely baby-shaped

my favorite thing to tell people at work when i said i would do something but didn’t have time for whatever reason is “the day has gotten away from me”. where has it gone? who knows. but certainly not to a place of staying late at work to finish this spreadsheet

oh, i need to eat so many potatoes

my body is a machine that turns crying into more crying and then it metabolizes the SSRIs i cram down my hole every morning and turns that crying back into being a productive member of society

my body is a machine that turns dealing with all the work emails i got during my time off last week into crying and eating tiny cupcakes

what is it about being in the presence of a televised football game that turns my body into an infinite receptacle for pizza

millennials will hear levels by avicii and remember what it feels like to produce serotonin for the first time in a decade. it’s me i’m millennials

which one of our dogs is the victim-accomplice of a demonic possession and which one imprinted on a duckie. there’s still time to place your bets

on the trip home my beautiful wife, apropos of nothing, turned to me and told me to please remember to put my pants back on before we get out of the car

i fucked off to the woods for a couple days and all i got was this lousy renewed appreciation for nature and reconnecting with the self

having a body is so fucking humiliating. like oh, so in order to sustain life i have to eat daily, if not essentially constantly? but you’re telling me when i do that it’s a coin flip whether or not it makes me feel like my insides are being put through a rusty wood chipper? great system. very good

here’s the thing about me. i shouldn’t have to

Bruh

an elderly neighbor is very fond of our “cow dog” and has taken to leaving various fruits on our doorstep. also my MIL keeps giving us nectarines, and my bar friend gave me a lemon she had in her purse last time we saw her. i have a lot of questions but i have even more fruits

I love to withdraw to the basic comforts of my enclosure, where onlookers can only gawk from a safe distance

Update: Civil War cancelled due to shooter being demographically uncooperative

fuck you to whichever squirrel stole one of my tradescantia props i’ve been nursing for weeks AND ripped a bunch of my new purslane out of its pot. this is the kind of political violence that’s tearing our country apart

anyway great news today y’all, my crassula orbicularis is flourishing! she’s alive and looking great! it’s so cool being alive

anyway great news today y’all, my crassula orbicularis is flourishing! she’s alive and looking great! it’s so cool being alive

if u do not have anything nice to say well sometimes u are not wrong

They’ll ask you to mourn the deaths they mourn, and no others. They’ll ask you to cherish the lives they cherish, and no others.

thoughts and prayers of an unspecified nature

a cover of rihanna’s BBHMM but it’s Mail Carrier Better Have My Plants

my body is a machine that turns energy drinks and antidepressants into excel spreadsheets

dogs are so lucky. they don’t get emails

i’ve been called a rockstar an unacceptable number of times at work today. this is not a humblebrag it’s seething hatred dampened only by exhaustion

sitting the office managers of all my clinics down and gently taking them by the hand and explaining that the company that ships their patient samples to us—let’s call it “EdFex”—is a completely different company than ours, and we actually have no control over their policies or business practices

calling the rescue to demand an apology bc instead of a dog they gave us a big turkey

you know i personally don’t think my first name is that confusing but once again today at work i am Aarot

who can make me go to sleep. no one. i am too powerful. i would simply evade their maneuvers

not here for a long time, or a good time, but a secret third kind of time

i know everyone’s jazzed about silksong but like…….. i just picked up children of morta for like 5 bucks on sale and frankly any game that gives me a good reason to go “oh god dammit kevin” as often as this does is likely to hold my attention for at least a few weeks

every single time i have attempted to use ai or chatgpt or copilot or what the fuck ever at work it has taken just as long as if i had done it myself “from scratch” except i’m twice as pissed off by the time i’m finished editing what feels like it was written by the dumbest coworker you’ve ever had

at its core life is really just a series of scrunching and un-scrunching your weird little human body

current mood is baby megan fox in jennifer’s body going “mm, that’s a lose-lose”

i think moving to a beautiful cabin in the woods would solve a lot of my problems, the first and foremost being that i do not have “beautiful cabin in the woods” money and certainly never will

happy labor day

microsoft excel appreciation and/or hatred post

okay me too. and

i’m not doomscrolling i’m hopescrolling

“what are you doing today arrott” same thing we do every saturday, pinky. sit in my driveway and listen to halsey while i fiddle with a bunch of plants. duh

out on the town

it’s not nice to tease. come on now

@tayl1r.itch.io Hi you are amazing for making witching stone! i just picked it up a few days ago and it is everything i love in a game, done brilliantly. it also runs unbelievably smoothly on the switch. it’s just a really great experience and i’m having so much fun with it. thank you!!!

wishing eels upon jk rowling

what if you were so so so beautiful but also obsessed with and very easily taunted by squirrels. i bet it would look a little something like this

it is an unassailable truth that burning the flag looks cool and no executive order can ever change that

pro tip from riot: you can roll around in the grass like a little worm. it’s not illegal

very small spotted egg