making deal with the devil sacrificing my firstborn child then getting a vasectomy

the reason AI costs so much water is bc it’s full of shit. and it cant poop without peeing

are we sure the robot doesn’t have feelings or did we just teach it that it’s a robot and robots don’t have feelings just kidding. it’s a robot of course it doesnt have feelings lol

every time i get some weird feeling in my head i’m like. wow i’m finally passing away

“spot me a fiver i’ll be your driver!” -> “give me twenty. maybe we’ll get there”

Anthropic just shipped a buddy mode for Claude Code that adds a lil creature that comments on your input bro I have been building this exact thing for weeks. claude cat tracks all my sessions, forwards responses, and makes each claude a cute kitty. I cannot catch a break lmao

youre telling me cereal killed these people?

seriously why are teeth and eyeballs not a part of health insurance. like do they think it’s an optional luxury to see and eat

it was me i stole the 12 tons of kitkats

now i can finally rest

I’ll have a tarrasque ready to pick you up at the airport. Yes, a tarrasque. You can land anywhere on him. Just follow the air tarrasque control

one day jensen huang will eat an RTX 5090 live like the mcdonald’s ceo and someone will ask “can you taste the transformers” and he will just say yes and the stock will go up

we’ll burn that bridge when we get there

youre always going one way on a one way street. no matter which direction

i have no butt but i must fart

aTaT upside down kinda looks like an AT-AT

did you know that i’m a print model

fuck nazis

why is bread called pain when it gives me so much pleasure

filmmakers subtly nodding to everybody about everything

me: *worried my boss thinks im using ai* my boss: *worried im not using ai*

extremely on brand

BIG FIGHT AT POLAND’S WROCLAW ZOO!!!

major depression is on the rise. but he still has a lot of work to do if he’s going to get promoted and unseat general anxiety

haunting you when i die to make sure your headphones never get tangled in a doorknob is my love language

i have to delete everything. i thought this was Notes app. i’m so cooked

just moved to a new town. literally one dollar to my name. no worries, if anything my parents said is true i can persuade a local tavernkeeper to offer board in exchange for services

if anyone ever makes @centerfold.bsky.social evil again, i will evil. do not

hey is for horses if you spell it that way

no longer evil

lesbians have more swagger in their pinky toes than anyone else does in their whole bodies

it’s like when a genius is too early. they wouldnt serve Mozart at Wendy’s at 3am either I guess

if you look in my self replies and dont like, that’s completely. reasonable. not dead to me or anything. i love you

i came here because insta posts stopped embarrasing me in the morning. i crave embarrasment from *swirls bsky* damn why is it giving early 2000s flipphone carrier

everyone knows it’s bad to have cocaine if you also have lots of oil. but if you dont have any oil, it’s ok

i need a raise. ive got a mouth to feed. just one but it eats a lot

How I find out what I’m supposed to be doing here

if you’re not gonna at least look at this cool bug with me then why did i even lift this rock. what are we even doing

pyramid formation bois

I've been feeling really irritable and doomed lately. Hope they find a cure for that.

Geese mate for life. This is because they haven’t learned to flirt yet. All geese are autistic. I know because we rely on mothers marrying us to girls down the street and they ran out of those, only reason a stud like me is still single

follow me for more birds. i just keep following other birds, lol always works

im so before my time. you can tell because it is so not my time

russian roulette critic: 1/5. terrible RNG. no skill expression, devs pls patch. add 1-5 bullets to taste

tbh i cant stand reality tv. reality sucks, that’s why i’m watching tv

kinda crazy how adult life is just everyone pretending to not be depressed

6 * 7 = 42