why is bread called pain when it gives me so much pleasure

filmmakers subtly nodding to everybody about everything

me: *worried my boss thinks im using ai* my boss: *worried im not using ai*

extremely on brand

BIG FIGHT AT POLAND’S WROCLAW ZOO!!!

major depression is on the rise. but he still has a lot of work to do if he’s going to get promoted and unseat general anxiety

haunting you when i die to make sure your headphones never get tangled in a doorknob is my love language

i have to delete everything. i thought this was Notes app. i’m so cooked

just moved to a new town. literally one dollar to my name. no worries, if anything my parents said is true i can persuade a local tavernkeeper to offer board in exchange for services

if anyone ever makes @centerfold.bsky.social evil again, i will evil. do not

hey is for horses if you spell it that way

no longer evil

lesbians have more swagger in their pinky toes than anyone else does in their whole bodies

it’s like when a genius is too early. they wouldnt serve Mozart at Wendy’s at 3am either I guess

if you look in my self replies and dont like, that’s completely. reasonable. not dead to me or anything. i love you

i came here because insta posts stopped embarrasing me in the morning. i crave embarrasment from *swirls bsky* damn why is it giving early 2000s flipphone carrier

everyone knows it’s bad to have cocaine if you also have lots of oil. but if you dont have any oil, it’s ok

i need a raise. ive got a mouth to feed. just one but it eats a lot

How I find out what I’m supposed to be doing here

if you’re not gonna at least look at this cool bug with me then why did i even lift this rock. what are we even doing

pyramid formation bois

I've been feeling really irritable and doomed lately. Hope they find a cure for that.

Geese mate for life. This is because they haven’t learned to flirt yet. All geese are autistic. I know because we rely on mothers marrying us to girls down the street and they ran out of those, only reason a stud like me is still single

follow me for more birds. i just keep following other birds, lol always works

im so before my time. you can tell because it is so not my time

russian roulette critic: 1/5. terrible RNG. no skill expression, devs pls patch. add 1-5 bullets to taste

tbh i cant stand reality tv. reality sucks, that’s why i’m watching tv

kinda crazy how adult life is just everyone pretending to not be depressed

6 * 7 = 42

happy turkey day! so grateful it’s not goose season

finally someone made the Cones of Dunshire

every morning i wake up, and it’s starting to get really upsetting

Just got an air fryer. How much air do yall usually fry for dinner?

damn the mamdani help line queue is full. im just calling to get the worksheet for arabic numerals. i cant count past 7. or before 7 either

tag me on anything for goose opinions. i am a real goose. yes, real. you can tell bc pastel my feathers are typing but ig can do voice. have been fat feartyherging. Hey Siri should I use grammar online

wish they had volunteer firing squads. but like to stand in front of the bullets

hey baby are you the one? but like neo in the matrix? because you dodged me like a bullet

weirdly like ai summaries on notifs; i need more semicolons in my life

i hate glass. more like iOS ass. i get minimalism more like assism. why is everything inverted. this ruins swift

It’s like some of you have never seen jerry. like how

a dog store for apps. no not for you, for the dogs from dogs vs cats to run a podcast

Down with AWS! Down with- oh

Damn we’d invent so many jail cell door keys! But they’d probably all be a stupid bluetooth fob that goes down with aws

dont try quackdrilateral equations. not even once bsky.app/profile/goos...

lol can you imagine buying ice cream and it’s just called jerry’s.

i have killer text game. if she’s also autistic, adhd, and into elevator models and their chime tones by manufacturer. but i’d so date an otis gen2 like dependable but needs consistent maintenance,

This meme by my friend @ok-u.bsky.social is absolute pure gold. I refuse to hear otherwise. She is a great person

this one i would actually label not joke