We prefer Nigerian Jollof 🇳🇬 #englandghana

“Now this technology is pretty new but I’m pretty sure that’s Andy Burnham rotating there. His body temperature has reached over 200 degrees. He’s literally roasting in his own juices”

Turns out I enjoy the month of June

More on the Substack open.substack.com/pub/jacobhat...

A boy should be allowed to go abroad with his friends as a little treat

For a man the struggle is enough. One must imagine Axios happy - Albert Camus

Really lovely to see some of the @coherentcomedy.bsky.social family irl. (IRL is an otherwise horrifying place). One more show to go today, candidly, tickets are slow for today’s show so it’d be an unreal time for you to decide to see a little Hatton

Excellent Brighton Fringe shows today from @coherentcomedy.bsky.social alumni @zoethorne.bsky.social and @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social! Both legends, definitely worth sitting in a hot box for, even on a day this toasty.

If this isn’t called I Thought You Was Dead then what are we even doing here

Yesterday I put my two Edinburgh Fringe shows from 2024+2025 to YouTube. One got nominated for a few awards and the other was one of the best reviewed shows at the festival. Link in bio

When you’re playing hide and seek but your heart isn’t in it

Guy who eats you out to improve their own microbiome

In case there was any mystery about what this is about: jacobhatton.substack.com/p/fuck-you-p...

Wrote a little rage writing substack.com/@jacobhatton...

Wrote a nasty little horror story open.substack.com/pub/jacobhat...

Sharing for beard reasons but also come to Brighton innit

Ok. Here we go. I'm looking for £800 to put both my shows onto the EdFringe site. A CERTAIN APPEAL is a show about my fight with DWP and PIP to prove I'm disabled WHAT'S IN THE BOX is my cult panel show with a box Wanna help me get these to Edinburgh? paypal.me/frizfrizzle ko-fi.com/frizfrizzle

March

Which way western man

I am extremely attractive

museum curators describing literally any portrait of a woman: she boldly meets the viewer's eye, confronting our gaze

I wrote a little about springtime. open.substack.com/pub/jacobhat...

I’m cautiously coming to the conclusion, I think, that this is going to be the best thing I’ve ever written. It’d be amazing for you to see it. Next at The Hen & Chickens Theatre, 4th April.

Never let anyone get in the way of you having a brew

God Emperor Starmer

Me an Englishman in 2028: Two vapes please! Shopkeeper: that’ll be two otters and a vole sir! *I step outside, registering that I should report him for his illegal “step” porn collection into a world of whimsy and delight, pirouetting down the street, I ignore the rising sea coming to claim us*

After “Brothers in Arms” dropped

Absolutely insane positioning from the right. We’re about to see a cost of living blitz similar to Covid. You’ll be seeing petrol prices double, mortgages spike, inflation hit again - entirely off the Americans fucking about - and kemi thinks we should be in amongst it

If the main character in Doom wants to play quarterback you give him whatever he wants

It’s been true for a long time - the state still hasn’t grasped that millennials aren’t young any more. They have in some cases adult children themselves, they’re occupying senior leadership positions that lobby the state and they’re also, after boomers, the next largest voter bloc by a country mile

Can’t believe the “If you don’t like us the fuck off” guys didn’t consider that people don’t like them and will happily fuck off.

Big Brother is watching you, mostly because he’s not allowed to shag Big Step-sister anymore

The world is divided into nations where, if their leader fucks its good, and others where if their leader fucks it’s icky. Hungary has chosen their camp.

it's so good to learn that when some people said "destigmatise mental illness" they didn't mean, like, "stop judging people for things they can't help," they meant "i should be allowed to get up late for work"

Lot of messages today congratulating me on our anniversary, with photos and videos of the happiest day of my life. I know we’re making the right decision in going our separate ways, but they don’t know and for them that closing story is still being told. More painful than I’d anticipated.

Wahaca is fine man, you lot should worry less about this stuff. If you’re that arsed you can go to Guacamoles in Peckham or La Chingada in Canada Water or something

You don’t hate, specifically the UK press enough. They are at such a fundamental level the worst of us.

The future of social media is my late dads account AI posting “lovely norks” on AI generated e-girls until the floods take us all

Nice, nice, Butlerian jihad now

Wouldn’t want to do a typo in that subheading

They were actually running "Hmmm look at this *Jew* colluding with foreign powers to undermine the West, hmmmmmm" whisper campaigns while giving speeches about how appalled at anti-semitism they are. Unbelievable levels of cynicism.

“The Supreme Court”. Embarrassing nonsense from 00s West Wing Enjoyers. My dictatorship will sweep them aside sew the milk of the oats for generations.

On the prowl again and let me tell you a lot has changed in dating in the last ten years. For a start, they don’t like you calling it “on the prowl” anymore.

In 10 years that AI caricature will have metastasised int a personal content delivery system for brands where you tell you what you like with your own voice. Also all your pictures look like shit.

This is good and you should see it 🤝

Ideally it’d be great if you came to these

I have told a few MPs this. I genuinely feel a lot of adults hate the existence and needs of young people. Then they act surprised/bewildered that these kids are anxious/depressed.

Doesn’t massively surprise me. Fees have fallen since the 90s. There’s comedy docs with Izzard etc talking about “£70 spots for Geoff” in 1997. Geoff still books these gigs. They’re £50-£70 still and there’s more people pushing for them.

It’s time