Prim primmer Who got the keys to my bymer

My Wickerman Britain manifesto will never not be relevant

Joe Flacco the forever Raven is going to face us Ravens as a Brown, Bengal and Steeler this season just to help his old team.

The British government is Very Sensible and so can be trusted with the power to decide which protests have happened Enough Now and don't need to be heard from anymore thank you very much. It will be fine. When Reform get in they will be even more Sensible about all this. inews.co.uk/news/politic...

Dismal stuff, immediately followed by Lucy Powell quacking away about an even stronger online safety act. When is “getting the balance right” ever in favour of letting people do more?

When you look at the Ravens, do you really see an elite coaching set up? John Harbaugh is very good, no doubt about that, but I think we’ve had his ceiling (and frankly, had Ravens not drafted Lamar we’d have long since moved on)

I think we might be cooked Ravens fans

Pete Davidson doing stand-up in Riyadh makes sense to me, because I also dream of bringing happiness to the people that killed my dad

The total number of voters who believe that Reform are right about immigration but you can trust Labour more to actually do something about it may be literally zero. Including the people who wrote this article in the name of the leader of the Labour Party.

I’m back on my nonsense.

Looks like the rapture has taken my keys and glasses.

Literally just spend time with the people you love. Being around family, jars with the boys is the peak of existence.

Recently been doing some jokes, hanging with the cat, old friends and silksong and it’s all really fucking good.

God forbid a doctor have a little rizz

We need to start doing wellness checks on Gen X

“We need to have our country back, I’m off to paint some flags” “Too right England till I die” Guy who wants to see a reversion to the division of the Anglo Saxon kingdoms and the Danelaw, “Uh, yeah, England…”

Can we gamble on this

Living in England feels a lot like being the only rat not to flee a sinking ship, but that rat’s rent has somehow risen

Just tried to google the name of a humanist celebrant that’s available for my dads funeral in public, turns out they share a name with an - admittedly high class - porn studio

PSA Americans trying to follow my socials 🇺🇸 In England, it is pronounced Insta-Gray-um

Decided that this is still going ahead on Saturday. For bereavement reasons its not prepped or promoted like it shouldve been but the show must go on. If youd like to come then do! camdenfringe.com/events/jacob...

Dad died today. Anyone who knows me knows we had a pretty up and down relationship. But he meant a lot to a lot of people and in the end, me too. Here’s a painting my sister did of him which captures him at his best.

Michelle Agyemang ties it for England in stoppage time

uk politics

“and if deregulation fails?” “It will not fail”

Once again lads I have a wonderful show this evening with the brilliant Andrew O’Neill headlining It’s hot, but there will be aircon

Out of my fucking tree on the cricket, eyeballs wide as saucers, shaking, telling people I love them. The Ashes can’t come soon enough. Greatest sport in the world

The thing about living in the UK is that whether left or right most people here are actively pro misery. All that matters is who gets to be miserable.

Huge gig next week with SoFunny favourite Andrew O’Neill paying a visit. Plus Leslie is back in town to shred the lot of you. @andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social @lesliegold.bsky.social

They may say men don’t have role models for positive masculinity, which shows me that “they” have never met a group of young scouse lads at a music festival

Did gig in new specs: might become A Glasses Man

Can’t even bring a seal to the pub now thanks to one Keir Starmer

At pub

TONIGHT. tinyurl.com/sofunnytues So excited for this lineup - we're spoiled by simply brilliant comedians wanting to come do our friendly little show. Come see what all the fuss is about....

One of the main aims of #CoherentComedy is to make sure our audience dwell on the content provided and return to us six days later with a response.

It's cool that they let you play as Princess Diana in the new Mario Kart

New Donald Trump ally just dropped

Here we... here we... here we fuckin gooo

This is my act

Though this is a good chance for me to unlock from my memory box the deeply weird adult Doctor Who spinoff “Torchwood”

The way I know these grey freaks aren’t the proper British patriots they think they are, and are in fact dweebs addicted to posting online is they call it DEI.

It won’t necessarily. If for example, small boat crossings and hotel use collapse they will simply make something else up.

Hi all. I'm not signed, I'm missing out on opportunities. Here's a vid of me smashing it at The Bill Murray this weekend. Repost this or ... Sign me youtu.be/jtgkZ6GxrOk?...

Labour’s big wheeze is that instead of doing social policy themselves, businesses will do it for them. But also there won’t be any trade offs to this and we can reduce out of work benefits too.

My gorgeous friend @lesliegold.bsky.social runs a club in Angel, London. It is truly a beautiful think that features older and more established acts- me and Nish Kumar- and younger newer acts. Tonight was glorious fun and I urge you to follow her and find out more.

Main thing I’m learning here is I’ve learned a new way the US isn’t like elsewhere, that speed cameras that auto ticket aren’t normal. Anywhere fear not freedom lovers if you’re anything like over here the local authority won’t bother maintaining half of them.

Still can’t get any decent football chat going Fix that, fix everything

JD Vance killed the pope and these prods still won’t let him be an Ulsterman :( Sad.