“The Supreme Court”. Embarrassing nonsense from 00s West Wing Enjoyers. My dictatorship will sweep them aside sew the milk of the oats for generations.

On the prowl again and let me tell you a lot has changed in dating in the last ten years. For a start, they don’t like you calling it “on the prowl” anymore.

In 10 years that AI caricature will have metastasised int a personal content delivery system for brands where you tell you what you like with your own voice. Also all your pictures look like shit.

This is good and you should see it 🤝

Ideally it’d be great if you came to these

I have told a few MPs this. I genuinely feel a lot of adults hate the existence and needs of young people. Then they act surprised/bewildered that these kids are anxious/depressed.

Doesn’t massively surprise me. Fees have fallen since the 90s. There’s comedy docs with Izzard etc talking about “£70 spots for Geoff” in 1997. Geoff still books these gigs. They’re £50-£70 still and there’s more people pushing for them.

It’s time

08:45hrs Pre-pear excitement building.

Oh man it just hit me that our good friends and respected colleagues in the Gender Critical movement are gonna have to "broken clock" *Jeffrey Epstein* when it comes to whose ideas are actually orientated around protecting and advancing the interests of women and girls.

This Friday! See comedians tackle a box! It is better than it sounds! ADELE CLIFF @adelecliff.bsky.social STEPHEN CATLING @catlingstephen.bsky.social JACOB HATTON @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social STEVIE YARDY @marvelousmrsyardy.bsky.social Tickets: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/whats...

talking to people on Feeld

Favourite episode is where Alan Carr employs Nick Kumar and Katherine Ryan to evict a local crofter for a larger more productive sheep farm. They give them a new place but, the twist! It’s not really big enough. All sorts of hilarious consequences. Narrated by Jack Whitehall.

In case you missed it.... The @101rules.bsky.social podcast launched this week! First ep features @markthomasinfo.bsky.social @vanderlaugh.bsky.social @tommayhew.bsky.social with host LESLIE GOLD and PRODUCER NICK Listen, like, subscribe, share, tell the world! shows.acast.com/101-rules-fo...

Love getting Transport For Wales trains and hearing Welsh on the announcements. My ancestral language is musical and magical, and a great distraction from the fact that I’m actually in my way to Crewe

Had a chastening call from my doctor today. Turns out I have inherited a heart condition that will almost certainly at some point be the end of me. I refuse to despair. I will beat the odds. I will be killed by something much stupider.

I like you Rob so I do hope the comedian to children’s author to allegations pipeline doesn’t hold this time

If you wanna be a mother, you gotta dance on your son It’s the first dance at his wedding You’re just having fun 🕺

Lads I don’t know if you’re aware of it but there’s stuff happening these days

De-Americanisation from every institution

Not my house, but I know my way around

If we were on BlueSky during Day of the Triffids

Someone in the audience at my gig today said that I reminded them of Seann Walsh and I’d be a great opener for him, and to be clear, I would like that

OK hear me out. Mike Tomlin Head Coach of the Baltimore Ravens

Apologies to new followers I sometimes post about American Football. 🏈 Anyway defence really is properly, truly back isn’t it? Only Bills and Rams remaining that don’t have nasty defending. Coaches are getting their flowers for being defensive minds again. The Texans are like a slow garrotte.

Thames but more locally, River Ravensbourne

This was so much fun to be a part of

*bang of gavel* Mr Speaker the Prime Minister is aware that sheep have been rustled at a frightening rate by robotic dog companions. Will the prime minister act now to ensure to strengthen copyright on the Knit-O-Matic so no infringing Mutton-O-Matic can be built by any dogs, evil robot or not.

London is so obviously safer than it was in the 90s, 00s and most of the 10s too. Post COVID has ran through hospitality and people are atomised, scared and lonely and to those people I say, honestly, come out with us and have some fun.

David Bowie died 10 years ago today, so it is a good time to remind you all that The Snowman (1982) heavily implies that the little boy grows up to become David Bowie, and therefore, it follows that The Snowman (1982) is canonically set in Bromley.

Wrote a little about my favourite show, Night Tracks on BBC Radio 3 jacobhatton.substack.com/p/in-praise-...

The actual answer is that they, like the rest of the administration’s primary purpose is being content creators and posting on the internet. Once you see this, you will never unsee it. Everything is for posting and in a real sense they are making the new world, where everything is posting.

I know this is really serious but I can’t look at this and not think “I knew he was a wrongun when him & Russell Brand prank called Andrew Sachs”

10 years on the “hysterical liberals” really were correct about everything weren’t they? Sorry you didn’t like them becuse they were sincere instead of dripping layers of online poisoned irony but it is what it is.

Playing WHAT'S IN THE BOX at LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL: Adele Cliff @adelecliff.bsky.social Stephen Catling @catlingstephen.bsky.social Jacob Hatton @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social Dan McKee @danmckee.bsky.social Feb 6th, 7.45pm, LCB Depot, Free Entry! events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/whats...

Jeremy (bored): I know what you’re going to say mark Mark: YES JEREMY! You must not peep at goblin men.You must not buy their fruits. Jeremy (bored): who knows what soil they fed? Oh get over yourself Mark, they get it from the garden centre like everybody else. Have a grape. Suck a fruit globe.

This mf likes her bag

Lovely way to start the year 😎

“At least we met our Q4 KPI”

Wrote a little about my favourite show, Night Tracks on BBC Radio 3 jacobhatton.substack.com/p/in-praise-...

We need a total shut down of Canadian university professors coming to the UK until we figure out what is going on

Happy New Year. I’m still extremely handsome. I will use this platform to put out more fiction this year. I’m also leaving the 9-5 behind for a bit. I’m dating again which was, well, unexpected but thank god for that first bit at the top. 2026 looks OK albeit not my planned year.

2025 was a sad year for me where a number of planned out futures closed off perpetually and I’m still grieving their loss. 2026 might not be “my year” but it is a year where I’ll be doing things for me.

I played table football with Ronnie Wood

That guy still absolutely works it on the Mile when he does the Fringe version of Get Your Own Back.

My brother’s confidence in his present giving is low this year

Terry from Terry’s Chocolate Orange is on the Epstein List

Maybe I haven’t tuned into this guy too much recently but he sounds old as hell now, he’s picked up that old guy breath whistle when he speaks

What we all don’t understand in that The Ashes is actually a festive film where this England team might lose everything, but in the process they discover the True Meaning of Christmas*. And in many ways that’s all that matters. * (The meaning is, it’s better in Australia)