Yesterday I put my two Edinburgh Fringe shows from 2024+2025 to YouTube. One got nominated for a few awards and the other was one of the best reviewed shows at the festival. Link in bio

When you’re playing hide and seek but your heart isn’t in it

Guy who eats you out to improve their own microbiome

In case there was any mystery about what this is about: jacobhatton.substack.com/p/fuck-you-p...

Wrote a little rage writing substack.com/@jacobhatton...

Wrote a nasty little horror story open.substack.com/pub/jacobhat...

Sharing for beard reasons but also come to Brighton innit

Ok. Here we go. I'm looking for £800 to put both my shows onto the EdFringe site. A CERTAIN APPEAL is a show about my fight with DWP and PIP to prove I'm disabled WHAT'S IN THE BOX is my cult panel show with a box Wanna help me get these to Edinburgh? paypal.me/frizfrizzle ko-fi.com/frizfrizzle

March

Which way western man

I am extremely attractive

museum curators describing literally any portrait of a woman: she boldly meets the viewer's eye, confronting our gaze

I wrote a little about springtime. open.substack.com/pub/jacobhat...

I’m cautiously coming to the conclusion, I think, that this is going to be the best thing I’ve ever written. It’d be amazing for you to see it. Next at The Hen & Chickens Theatre, 4th April.

Never let anyone get in the way of you having a brew

God Emperor Starmer

Me an Englishman in 2028: Two vapes please! Shopkeeper: that’ll be two otters and a vole sir! *I step outside, registering that I should report him for his illegal “step” porn collection into a world of whimsy and delight, pirouetting down the street, I ignore the rising sea coming to claim us*

After “Brothers in Arms” dropped

Absolutely insane positioning from the right. We’re about to see a cost of living blitz similar to Covid. You’ll be seeing petrol prices double, mortgages spike, inflation hit again - entirely off the Americans fucking about - and kemi thinks we should be in amongst it

If the main character in Doom wants to play quarterback you give him whatever he wants

It’s been true for a long time - the state still hasn’t grasped that millennials aren’t young any more. They have in some cases adult children themselves, they’re occupying senior leadership positions that lobby the state and they’re also, after boomers, the next largest voter bloc by a country mile

Can’t believe the “If you don’t like us the fuck off” guys didn’t consider that people don’t like them and will happily fuck off.

Big Brother is watching you, mostly because he’s not allowed to shag Big Step-sister anymore

The world is divided into nations where, if their leader fucks its good, and others where if their leader fucks it’s icky. Hungary has chosen their camp.

it's so good to learn that when some people said "destigmatise mental illness" they didn't mean, like, "stop judging people for things they can't help," they meant "i should be allowed to get up late for work"

Lot of messages today congratulating me on our anniversary, with photos and videos of the happiest day of my life. I know we’re making the right decision in going our separate ways, but they don’t know and for them that closing story is still being told. More painful than I’d anticipated.

Wahaca is fine man, you lot should worry less about this stuff. If you’re that arsed you can go to Guacamoles in Peckham or La Chingada in Canada Water or something

You don’t hate, specifically the UK press enough. They are at such a fundamental level the worst of us.

The future of social media is my late dads account AI posting “lovely norks” on AI generated e-girls until the floods take us all

Nice, nice, Butlerian jihad now

Wouldn’t want to do a typo in that subheading

They were actually running "Hmmm look at this *Jew* colluding with foreign powers to undermine the West, hmmmmmm" whisper campaigns while giving speeches about how appalled at anti-semitism they are. Unbelievable levels of cynicism.

“The Supreme Court”. Embarrassing nonsense from 00s West Wing Enjoyers. My dictatorship will sweep them aside sew the milk of the oats for generations.

On the prowl again and let me tell you a lot has changed in dating in the last ten years. For a start, they don’t like you calling it “on the prowl” anymore.

In 10 years that AI caricature will have metastasised int a personal content delivery system for brands where you tell you what you like with your own voice. Also all your pictures look like shit.

This is good and you should see it 🤝

Ideally it’d be great if you came to these

I have told a few MPs this. I genuinely feel a lot of adults hate the existence and needs of young people. Then they act surprised/bewildered that these kids are anxious/depressed.

Doesn’t massively surprise me. Fees have fallen since the 90s. There’s comedy docs with Izzard etc talking about “£70 spots for Geoff” in 1997. Geoff still books these gigs. They’re £50-£70 still and there’s more people pushing for them.

It’s time

08:45hrs Pre-pear excitement building.

Oh man it just hit me that our good friends and respected colleagues in the Gender Critical movement are gonna have to "broken clock" *Jeffrey Epstein* when it comes to whose ideas are actually orientated around protecting and advancing the interests of women and girls.

This Friday! See comedians tackle a box! It is better than it sounds! ADELE CLIFF @adelecliff.bsky.social STEPHEN CATLING @catlingstephen.bsky.social JACOB HATTON @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social STEVIE YARDY @marvelousmrsyardy.bsky.social Tickets: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/whats...

talking to people on Feeld

Favourite episode is where Alan Carr employs Nick Kumar and Katherine Ryan to evict a local crofter for a larger more productive sheep farm. They give them a new place but, the twist! It’s not really big enough. All sorts of hilarious consequences. Narrated by Jack Whitehall.

In case you missed it.... The @101rules.bsky.social podcast launched this week! First ep features @markthomasinfo.bsky.social @vanderlaugh.bsky.social @tommayhew.bsky.social with host LESLIE GOLD and PRODUCER NICK Listen, like, subscribe, share, tell the world! shows.acast.com/101-rules-fo...

Love getting Transport For Wales trains and hearing Welsh on the announcements. My ancestral language is musical and magical, and a great distraction from the fact that I’m actually in my way to Crewe

Had a chastening call from my doctor today. Turns out I have inherited a heart condition that will almost certainly at some point be the end of me. I refuse to despair. I will beat the odds. I will be killed by something much stupider.