Sinners = RnB Vampire Hunters

1-UP just got me 115 coins smh

Anyone in Bristol at 6pm this eve? Come along and see me work out my new show? Tickets as cheap as I could make ‘em

Doesn’t quite roll off the tounge as much as the first two if I’m honest

Why don’t the government just pay for next day delivery

‘Shadow cabinet’ always sounded weirdly super-villain-y to me until today

Farage is unveiling Reform’s senior team like Swackhammer announces the Monstars in Space Jam

ALLEGEDLY 👑

Bad words for good things (Bad Bitches and Dirty Burgers)

I think I’ve possibly just got the most ‘Reddit guy’ notification of all time

So what if he’s bi???!!

Joke about Lions. I pull a funny face after I act out me in a Pizza Hut so much to enjoy here 🦁

Those must be big shoes to fill

Jokes I don’t do anymore pt. 1

They, ironically, need someone with deep pockets to stick their hand up

We’re not THAT good - other countries are probably way better

Countryside vs City

I hope Starmer knew about Mandelson because if he did - appointing another lying, treasonous mate of Epstein to be friends with Trump so the UK could get lower tariffs than the EU is one the funniest things any politician has ever done

If I'd just been named in the Epstein files/was responsible for Grok I probably wouldn't be demanding more children be allowed go on my noncey website but maybe that's just me

The NHS/government down so bad atm it's genuinely suss they're not specifying 'patients with cancer'

Joke about Lions. I pull a funny face after I act out me in a Pizza Hut so much to enjoy here 🦁

No one has ever done comedy about James Bond before !!! I’m the first!! Do not research that!!

I’m doing the first WIP of my new show in Camden on Tuesday if you’re about. Tickets in bio!

Millennials having kids on purpose

Who else eats gulag chicken?

I hate the internet so much man

Writing jokes is so hard guys you don’t understand

What’s the worst secret Santa present you’ve ever had?

What’s the worst secret Santa present you’ve ever had?

Racial profiling but for white guys who wear cords

Might go with someone else sorry boss

Did anyone else think Mandela actually ran Fruit of the Loom or just me

I don’t think you are

Honestly same

Post-literate society??! Bro I know what a post is chill

Went on a Great Gatsby experience day (hit someone with my car)

Wrote this essay about why I don’t do “online content” at the moment open.substack.com/pub/alexkits...

My stand-up show ‘This is Water’ is now available to download. It was one of the best reviewed shows at the Edinburgh Fringe this year and you can get it through the link in my bio for a 50p minimum payment. Worth a punt surely

Latest short story out now: “A Welsh Rugby Coach who got a Kindle for Christmas” substack.com/@alexkitson/...

In 2023 I got annoyed about Farage going on I’m a Celeb and ended up writing this - about Idi Amin being bought back to life to appear on the Traitors. Unsurprisingly, I’ve rereleased it today (with some new artwork). It’s a fairly quick read - hope you enjoy! open.substack.com/pub/alexkits...

Watching the Celebrity Traitors? Here’s a story I wrote about it open.substack.com/pub/alexkits...

If the Riyadh Comedy Festival wants comedians to stop criticising them they should just start an award called ‘Best Newcomer’

This country is going to the dogs because we’re playing way too fast and loose with the word ‘deal’

My new short story “Sirens” is out now. Odysseus didn’t tell his ghostwriter everything you know...

*Frog Transport Police* See it. Ribbit. Sorted.

If God was a woman we wouldn’t just have one big light in the sky. We would have about 9 smaller suns dotted tastefully around the Earth for the ambiance

I remember when the Riyadh Comedy Festival wasn’t all about money and we all wrote our shows on Charon’s boat on the way there

I like to dine ‘al Tesco’ (meal deal in the car park)

Why tf did someone let JK Rowling name a journalist?

BREAKING: “That’s not all!” - Friends of the couple embroiled in the K.I.S.S.I.N.G in a tree saga claim now the baby is playing basketball. More to come as we get it.