If you’re not watching the BBC coverage right now - the Trump stuff from today and the delay means they’re five seconds away from asking Wayne Rooney his opinion about US politics

Matcha the Day

Why have they stuck the only female pundit in a kitchen

Always maintained that the successor of Pope John-Paul should have been Pope George-Ringo

They say you are what you eat. But I’ve never eaten a formulaic joke writer

I’ve finished my book. It will be available to buy soon. More to follow as we get it

why doesn’t Jaws end with “Fin” - it’s right there come on spielberg be a laugh for once

Forgive and forget ❌ Recall and resent ✅

Feeling proud of myself rn. It’s been ages since my last fall

Cannot wait to watch these! Highly rec.

Yesterday I put my two Edinburgh Fringe shows from 2024+2025 to YouTube. One got nominated for a few awards and the other was one of the best reviewed shows at the festival. Link in bio

I’m putting both my hours of standup on YouTube on Sunday if that is of interest

I never understood osmosis at school. Hard to say exactly why, but whenever my teacher mentioned it my brain would go from a level of high concentration to a level of low concentration

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

Cryotherapy???? But I cry in ALL my therapy?? ✌🏻

don't say “i asked Al for medical advice” just say “l got an appointment with the Chat GP”

I was so bad at ballet as a kid my teacher told me I should move to County Durham and work down a mine

If you give a skeleton a hickey you’re a Neck-Romancer

Our worldbeating comedy circuit is worth celebrating

Sinners = RnB Vampire Hunters

1-UP just got me 115 coins smh

Anyone in Bristol at 6pm this eve? Come along and see me work out my new show? Tickets as cheap as I could make ‘em

Doesn’t quite roll off the tounge as much as the first two if I’m honest

Why don’t the government just pay for next day delivery

‘Shadow cabinet’ always sounded weirdly super-villain-y to me until today

Farage is unveiling Reform’s senior team like Swackhammer announces the Monstars in Space Jam

ALLEGEDLY 👑

Bad words for good things (Bad Bitches and Dirty Burgers)

I think I’ve possibly just got the most ‘Reddit guy’ notification of all time

So what if he’s bi???!!

Joke about Lions. I pull a funny face after I act out me in a Pizza Hut so much to enjoy here 🦁

Those must be big shoes to fill

Jokes I don’t do anymore pt. 1

They, ironically, need someone with deep pockets to stick their hand up

We’re not THAT good - other countries are probably way better

Countryside vs City

I hope Starmer knew about Mandelson because if he did - appointing another lying, treasonous mate of Epstein to be friends with Trump so the UK could get lower tariffs than the EU is one the funniest things any politician has ever done

If I'd just been named in the Epstein files/was responsible for Grok I probably wouldn't be demanding more children be allowed go on my noncey website but maybe that's just me

The NHS/government down so bad atm it's genuinely suss they're not specifying 'patients with cancer'

Joke about Lions. I pull a funny face after I act out me in a Pizza Hut so much to enjoy here 🦁

No one has ever done comedy about James Bond before !!! I’m the first!! Do not research that!!

I’m doing the first WIP of my new show in Camden on Tuesday if you’re about. Tickets in bio!