#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Tinted - Big and Little's metallic brother shamefully axed after only a few episodes of Play School.

Just watched a french comedy show. I laughed so much a little oui came out.

Turns out if you're attacked by a group of lions, they don't care about your pride flag.

If "Hope" is the thing with feathers, is jeopardy the thing with spots?

Making pumpkin pie is easy. Take a medium-sized pumpkin and, using a sharp knife, divide its circumference by its diameter. #LunchPun

Despite the war, the people of Ukraine still dress to impress. It's important to look chic in Kyev. #LunchPun Slava Ukraini

Best before dates? Me too, milk, according to several exes.

You're not really a classicist unless you're at least mildly irritated by the TV series about bailiffs seizing goods isn't called "Carpe, won't pay".

They're planning a tribute to the last British winner of Wimbledon, and momento Murray was right there.

It shouldn't be a surprise that the same algae problem keeps recurring in Washington. A reflecting pool is a loop.

All centipedes are 100 feet long. #Lunchpun

I heard rodents might start a revolution. Imagine mice uprise.

My wife hates eighties music, because it reminds her of the time she had to drive to Hertfordshire because I'd spent all my money on fake drugs. Or as she always reminds me, "inside Hitchin on smarties". #LunchPun

First, they came for the people who spoke out And I did not speak out. Obvious trap!

The first time they see my face most women say the same thing. “Yes, that's the man, officer.”

“Unfortunately, after we introduced the first rule, we found it impossible to discuss any further rules”. The chairman of The Fight Club rules committee explains to the government enquiry why the enterprise failed.

Technically an "oyster" is any shellfish born on the first Sunday after the first full Moon after the spring equinox.

Had my first cage fight last night. It lasted 4’ 33”

"You couldn't make it up!" The accurate but brutal assessment that ended my fiction-writing career.

Banning guns in the United States would be much simpler if you started by making cold, dead hands taxable.

Should I go with my heart or my head? The economics of American healthcare can be brutal.

Quentin Tarantino was furious to be overcharged for his shrimp dinner and angrily ripped the tab in half. At the subsequent trial, they were displayed as krill bill 1 & 2. #LunchPun

Everything I have achieved, I have done by standing on the shoulders of giants. Which has started any number of difficult conversations.

This is nonsense. Pile enough of them into a heap, and they'll cushion most falls.

All my dishes are served cold because I'm on a strict revengetarian diet.

Activists continue to blame an apathetic generation and the media for the state of the world. A spokeman explained, "If the government did something mad like making partings illegal, would there be headlines the next day?". #LunchPun

LSD. Mad hallucinations. I thought I was a fairground coconut stand, then a heron, then the fairground stand again. Never again. Once bittern, twice shy. #LunchPun

Which Spice Girl would you want on your side in a fight? I would have to go for the missing sixth member, Mel A.

Relationships are like new phones. Fresh and exciting, full of stuff that’s not quite the same as before. Huge capacity. Everything’s just a little better than before. Then you fill it with all the stuff from all your previous phones and ruin it.

That's not Michael Fassbender!

O flare of scotland when will we see your like again?

M aking A qua G reen A gain

Burnham - Simultaneously, Keir Starmer's latest challenge and Donald Trump's solution to the Epstein files. #LunchPun

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Cheerleader - The German version of "Where everybody knows your name".

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Stalker - Flower arranger.

Weighing yourself on a diet over time: 1 - Stand on scales. 2 - Shoes off. 3 - Go to the toilet first. 4 - Maybe naked. 5 - Remove rings. 6 - Blow nose.

Keeping tropical fish at home can have a calming effect on the brain, due to the indoor fins.

Britain's got nuclear weapons, Americans think there are Muslims running the country, and the population is in fear and rioting. We should threaten to close the English Channel and wait for our $3Bn.

The evening went very badly. My girlfriend swallowed the ring hidden in the cake. I just hope she can find it in herself to go ahead and marry me. #LunchPun

I don't think I ever properly thanked Giles for the help he gave me, both personally and via his brilliant Nearly Legal blog. The man was one of the best. A very sad loss. @nearlylegal.bsky.social www.theguardian.com/law/2026/jun...

Nowadays, if you shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die, you'd find it was on another premium channel available from the premium service you already have, but for a small additional monthly fee, or for less with ads.

There are two types of people in the world. Me, and everyone who isn't me.

A booty call is very different if your partner's a pirate. #LunchPun

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Swapmaxxing - hip replacement.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Prelate - On time.

2/3rds of my BlueSky feed is people showing me their loaves, their lunch, their cat, their dead pet or a dog for adoption in Minnesota (I am in England). “Discover” is the same, with some penises. “What’s hot” is mostly the same with even more penis. C'mon algorithm.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Oyster - Yiddish speaker

I could only promote one of the two brothers working in my office, though they're both enthusiastic and know their stuff. Keen and able? I think there was some jealousy, yes. #LunchPun

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Lanyard - The imperial unit of wi-fi coverage.

Surely, it’s called a unicorn because it has a unique horn. This is my hill and here I am, dying on it. #LunchPun