#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Double Entendre - A joke that makes you think long and hard.

Most people find the French President's autobiography really cheesy. In retrospect, calling it I Macron was probably a mistake.

I knew the relationship with my lover was over when I told them there were forty reasons I wanted to leave and they started emailing me suggestions to bring up the fifty.

I found a piece of metal with “No Praking” printed on it. I think it’s a bad sign. #LunchPun

She asked the barman for a single entendre. So they both had a slow comfortable screw, and then they had sex.

Apparently you're not allowed to say what went wrong with Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey. It's PC gone mad.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Faux Pas - Step Fathers

Most people who claim to be horse whisperers are usually lying. Don't listen to the naysayers. #LunchPun

My role as Doctor Who's assistant isn't permanent, just something I'm doing for the time being. #LunchPun

I always buy socket wrenches second-hand. Torque is cheap. #LunchPun

Proud to have worked out an anagram of mugs. Can’t describe how I feel, though.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary EXPENSE: Small change left behind by one’s former spouse.

Me: I need a battery so I can tell the time. Cashier: Is it for a clock? Me: I don’t know. That’s why I need a battery.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Pundit - what I did when I saw the word.

Everything reminds me of him...

Written a movie about a controlling and abusive geologist, but they won't let me call it "The Hand that Cradles the Rocks".

It's a bit ironic that, based on their recent announcements, Reform will apparently let anyone in.

If mountaineering TikTok isn't called Climb Maxxing, what is the point of it? #LunchPun

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Cinnamon - Superhero bitten by a radioactive apple pie.

Created the "Elvis" kebab. It's bought in a wrap. #LunchPun

I like my women like I like my coffee. Just about to be drunk.

Women should never trim the hair on their arsehole. They should make him go to the barbers like everyone else. #LunchPun

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Warmonger - Central heating salesman.

She's a dyslexic milkmaid, and doesn’t play well with udders. #LunchPun

#Newwordoftheday Tryumph - Something you get right the first time you attempt it, but can never do again.

#Newwordoftheday Dysfucktional - a toxic relationsip based entirely on sex

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Unkempt - Not in Spandau Ballet.

The Stranglers used to do Bowie covers like 'The Laughing Gnome' and 'Heroes' but they don't do Gnome or Heroes any more.

You can’t make an umlaut without breaking dots.

Edvard Munch: The Discovery Feed

Stupid Black Riders, demanding that the Hobbits give up Frodo in the name of their master, when he's far away. They cite Sauron, but there's no one home. #LunchPun

Doctor - "We find that most ligament damage like yours is actually mental, rather than physical." Me - "I'm sorry, I don’t understand, could you say that more clearly?" Doctor - "Of course I can, my dear chap. The pain in sprain stays mainly in the brain."

We all know of American John Doe, but were you aware that his sister, Lola B, wrote a book about diminished sexual desire. #LunchPun

I always tell people that my wife is my rock. She's bald and can't act. #LunchPun

If your blood is Type O, it should be spelt “blud". #LunchPun

Dante's Inferno, first draft. #LunchPun

Repeatedly not being able to get you ball in the hole in golf should be called wedging

.. -. ... .--. . -.-. - --- .-. #LunchPun

When you go outside and the figure you built from snow is melting, now surrounded by a pool of water, remember: snowman is an island. #LunchPun

Some chocolate bars just give me the ick. But the one with hazelnuts in it is the top ick. #LunchPun

Hey, Robert Plant, I notice your weird blue rug is covered in fungus and there are insects carrying protein into the Transit. There’s a crazy azure hall mat littered with mould and bees flying a stored whey to a van. #LunchPun

The British stole the idea of cultural appropriation from India in the 19th century.

Making a documentary about 1990s movies. Managed to get the star of Fatal Attraction, but not the guy from Under Siege. Close, but no Seagal. #LunchPun

The swordfish has few predators in the wild, except for the rare penfish, which is said to be mightier.

This is still so good.

Can’t understand why people call it Romantasy when “elf abuse” was right there. #LunchPun

Today is Rudyard Kipling's birthday. "If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, It's definitely time to close that hat factory; Maybe start making cakes."

Having been defined entirely by her relationship to her husband, Lot’s wife’s feeling as she turned to salt was probably one of relief.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Scaffolding - Reciting poetry with a scouse accent. Thank you very much!