Davy Hulme
@hulme.bsky.social
📤 58
📥 12
📝 1489
I’m posting jokes/pics I’ve received/sent on MMS/sms/email from the last 15 years. Enjoy 😊
www.theguardian.com/artanddesign...
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Look up: Milky Way photographer of the year 2026 – in pictures
Photographers search for dark skies in the most remote landscapes to find places where the galaxy shines with extraordinary clarity
https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2026/may/13/milky-way-photographer-of-the-year-2026-gallery-pictures
about 10 hours ago
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Just tried Elvis Costello's new vegan spicy sausage made with olives. Olive salami is here to stay....
about 11 hours ago
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I was changing a flat tyre when it fell on my foot... Now I need a toe.
about 24 hours ago
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What does a mortician and an electrician have in common? They're both shocked when they touch a live one.
2 days ago
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reposted by
Davy Hulme
David Penfold :verified:
2 days ago
If i could change the colour of one of Snow White’s dwarves… …I’d dye Happy.
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What do you call a naked, 4’10” mother? A bare minimum.
3 days ago
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What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency? It hertz. If they do it very hard, it megahertz.
3 days ago
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reposted by
Davy Hulme
Andy Rimmer
4 days ago
Crypto Through the Tulips
#ASongOrMovieForBusiness
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Whats the difference between a sausage and a space rock that burns up in the atmosphere? Well a sausage is made out of meat...but the rock is a little meteor.
4 days ago
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Sadly, my obese parrot has passed away…It’s a great weight off of my shoulders.
5 days ago
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reposted by
Davy Hulme
Max
6 days ago
100 not out. Happy birthday to Sir Dave. What a guy. And here's a sketch of him I did in 2024.
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reposted by
Davy Hulme
Andy Rimmer
6 days ago
My mate's having trouble with his pacemaker. Told him middle-distance running has passed him by!
#joke
#funny
#jokes
#humour
#lunchPun
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Why you should never kick a volcano? You might Krakatoa.
6 days ago
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FYI: The ring pulls on cans that stay attached to them can be bent back slightly to provide a non-sharp hole for using a drinking straw.
7 days ago
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A coach-load of jazz musicians has overturned on the M5… Expect lengthy jams…
7 days ago
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Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
8 days ago
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I guessed toffee, but it was raisin. I guessed orange, but it was coffee. I guessed peanut, but it was toffee. I was wrong on so many Revels.
8 days ago
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Coffee has bean voted the best drink in the world. It was an unfair vote, there were absent tea ballots. It’s big news. It’s strange nothing has bean heard from the French Press.
9 days ago
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Which award goes to the Dentist of the Year? A little plaque.
10 days ago
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The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps told a woman to cover her midriff… It was a navel blockade.
11 days ago
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Mummies aren’t from the Stone Age or the Iron Age… They’re from the Bandage.
11 days ago
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What do tightrope walkers eat? A balanced diet.
13 days ago
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13 days ago
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Did you hear about the seamstress that quit her job to pursue a career in music? Now she's a Singer/Songwriter...Or sew it seams.
13 days ago
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I once asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia… He said, “Sure knock yourself out.”
14 days ago
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9to5google.com/2026/03/01/m...
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Hands-on: Motorola Razr Fold's software is halfway between Pixel and Samsung [Gallery]
Motorola's new Razr Fold is coming soon, and the software has been revealed with an in-between of Google Pixel and Samsung Galaxy.
https://9to5google.com/2026/03/01/motorola-razr-fold-software-hands-on/
14 days ago
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FYI: If you know anyone who wants to improve the iPhone’s Glass effect on the lock screen: To turn the clock on the Lock Screen back to “solid” - long-press your lock screen -> customize -> tap the time -> select “solid” at the bottom.
14 days ago
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Did you here about the magic tractor. It turned into a field.
14 days ago
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What seven-letter word starts with "egg" and ends with "soup"? Chicken.
15 days ago
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Who sells the best musical chain mail? Joan Armor trading.
15 days ago
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Did you hear about the criminal breaking into his own house? It was a work from home day.
15 days ago
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Smiling is my favourite workout.
16 days ago
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What would this country be like if every car was pink? A pink carnation.
16 days ago
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I asked a woman out for coffee. She said: “Great, how about 10 tomorrow?” 10 is a mental amount of coffees to drink. Date cancelled.
17 days ago
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I was thrown out of weight watchers this afternoon for making sarcastic comments during the weigh in. But I accepted their decision with enormous grace because she was thrown out too.
17 days ago
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I've removed all my German acquaintances from my phone’s Contacts. It's a Hans free phone now.
17 days ago
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How does a Mother become single? She moves Father away.
18 days ago
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What happens, when you're naked in public and the elevator doesn't work? You'll encounter stairs.
19 days ago
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Most actors eat with a fork… but Reese Witherspoon.
19 days ago
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I'm writing a book about WD-40. It's Non-Friction.
20 days ago
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reposted by
Davy Hulme
Andy Rimmer
20 days ago
There's an investigation into nitrous oxide use in the police service. Should be quick, they just arrest the Laughing Policeman.
#joke
#funny
#jokes
#humour
#LunchPun
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A man walks into a hardware store and grabs a can of fly spray. “Is this good for wasps?” he asks. “No,” the assistant says, “it kills them.”
20 days ago
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My friend used to have a bad heron addiction. Now he has egrets.
21 days ago
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Did you know Pythagoras joined an orchestra? He played the triangle.
21 days ago
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Some people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. You've got to be non-shallot.
22 days ago
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What do you call a Frenchman who was attacked by a cat? Claude.
22 days ago
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23 days ago
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Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without a strong anaesthetic first. Because there’s safety in numb bears.
23 days ago
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I cleaned my vacuum cleaner… Now I’m the vacuum cleaner.
24 days ago
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If someone is playing chess for the first time… Does that make them a Rook?
24 days ago
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