Got them written by 11:30 and I’ve been high ever since

I’m not a college football knower but doesn’t Lane Kiffin suck? Why is everyone so worked up about this guy

If they bail out crypto I’ll know for sure if this is true

Very hung over but I can’t wake and bake because I drunkenly promised my friend I’d write 1000 words on the industrial accident noir story today. At least I’m in the same head space my viewpoint character is in for like 75% of the book lol

New tattoo idea just dropped

I know someone who took too many shrooms and was afraid he died but if you took too many shrooms at this party you’d be afraid you’re still alive

1974 Ford Thunderbird 1998 Nissan hardbody pickup 1985 Dodge Ram 2002 Dodge Neon 2013 Hyundai Accent

@profanity.accountant lay it on me

Cirrhotic

(Trying to think up the worst curse imaginable for Beltway media freaks) I hope you all have to get real jobs

I love waiting 25 minutes for a bus in center city at rush hour. It’s my favorite thing

Tell me I’m wrong

nose down ass up that's the way we cyberstuck

Nobody talk to me for the next one hour and twenty-two minutes

I think a fun thing to do would be to make a Frankenstein movie where the monster wakes up and says “my name is Frankenstein”. Just to make a lot of people really mad

I’ve heard a lot of doomers say that Trump would just blame Democrats for a bad economy and people would believe him, but if that didn’t work for Erich Honecker or Nicolae Ceaușescu it’s probably not going to work for him

Protip if you’ve got friends/family who aren’t drinking: cranberry juice, seltzer, ginger syrup, and lime is a delicious seasonal mocktail and it’ll make your teetotaling friend feel good to have something nice made special for them

I’m not a Football Knower but the basic problem seems to be 1) the O line is a traction ward, which has made running the ball much harder, and 2) the coaching staff isn’t creative enough to work around this

Sack Prescott

How bout them Cowboys lmaooooooooooooooo 🤡 go birds

Annex Philadelphia

Besides being evil, legitimizing anti-trans panic as a bipartisan issue is political malpractice. The Republicans will always be more credible to anti-trans bigots because they can lean into it without fracturing their coalition (which will happen to Dems anyway if there’s an anti trans nominee)

Dipping my toes back in the dating world and discovering after all this time all I have is a thin candy shell of self-confidence over a delicious milk chocolate center of romantic insecurity lmao

If I were the Philadelphia Eagles offense I would simply call, and execute, good plays

good morning go birds

I still think this is my best ever thread

Trump has never given oral sex to any person of any gender in his entire life, I have no idea where this stuff is coming from

Like if I wanted to bet on the outcome of two coin flips, each “leg” has .5 odds, which means a parlay should pay out 4:1, minus a house rake. But the sport books are only offering, say, 3.5:1. That delta makes them a lot money and makes parlays a guaranteed loser for the players

Replace the real, precious memories of people you’ve lost with a gibbering computer. Experience their deaths all over again when the company abruptly shuts down when the VC money runs out

Let it never be said I don’t commit to the bit (also face reveal, no promises I don’t come to my senses and delete later)

I just kind of think all these people should, after a fair trial in which they are zealously represented before a jury of their peers, be eaten

oh my god that is the worst thing I've ever seen

lmao this is agony

This is a smart thing to demand in a sport where an unruly arena crowd can prevent the match from starting at all

go birds

ok one more post: at a certain point you have to admit to yourself that "death cult" is a more parsimonious explanation for what these people do than anything else

Life update: i'm not putting this app back on my phone. I'm writing a story about a noir detective who investigates industrial accidents. I haven't smoked (cigarettes, lol) in 214 days. All of my political opinions would get me in trouble with the secret service. go Phils. ok bye for now

not coming back to this website yet (I browsed it for 10 minutes and immediately started taking psychic damage) but it's now day 126. i was at two separate parties this weekend and I still held out

All right I need a break from this app. It was all fun and games while we were go birds posting but now it’s just a firehose of bad news direct to my brain and it’s poisoning my mood. Assuming I stick to it, and society hasn’t collapsed by then, I’ll see you all on Opening Day

I can’t remember any weird traditions but one time at a basketball pep rally a guy I hated tried to show off by dunking and instead he bricked it off the front of the rim and fell on his ass in front of the whole school

There’s a long list of people who are lucky Hell isn’t real but Andrew Wakefield isn’t far from the top

Well, that ought to just about wrap it up for me and Instagram

<starts searching eBay for a telnet terminal>

A firm belief of mine is that you could run a pretty creditable Red Terror just by enforcing insider trading laws

If Trump fires Musk I think this stock instantly craters

Trump took egg (this is from last month and it’s only gotten worse) @mtsw.bsky.social