Add me to the group chat you fuckin coward

I don't believe in God but maybe the Devil is real

Idea for Bari Weiss. Turn 60 Minutes into 60 Seconds. Americans are so busy and need faster and more engaging content to consume. A quick bite... A Quibi if you will... Ms Bari please call me me this is too good to pass up

They should make a show about the news... It's be so cool to see a no nonsense anchor stand up to the execs! Maybe get a big name actor like a Jeff Daniels type. We could call it The Newsroom and I think everyone would love it

You mean DOCTOR Jill Biden 🙄

My mom (Filipino) just said she's so happy that our daughter inherited my wife's (white) skin. Happy AAPI month everyone 🇵🇭

A city without a Jollibee is no powerhouse

🎶I love polyamory, critical race theory, asking your pronouns... And twins🎶

I've been coming up with a woke version of the "...and twins" coors commercial song and when it's ready I'm going to become so powerful

"Are straight people okay?" -The Straight Person Lover

It's Crazy Town's "Butterfly". Next question

I think it's time we celebrated the parents who are often left out during Mother's Day so id like to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the dads out there. You matter too!

I hate going to the doctor as much as the next guy but why even go to a hospital if you’re going to reject the most basic medical advice of doctors

Anyone know who the CEO of CVS Specialty Pharmacy is? Just wondering

Sixers in 4 might not be in the cards....

Toddler skipping her nap today. I fear I'm cooked

taylor lorenz screaming at the shooter for not wearing a mask

Come to the intersection of a Sheetz and a Wawa if you want a PA themed ass kicking

Just paid $17 for a BK Whopper meal

I don't have to like him but God bless the people that do. Also it's important to at least respect whoever our current president is 🇺🇸

Time to have my daughter eat none of this

Need @libbycwatson.com to weigh in here on my first Yorkshire

God I really hope it happens

Thinking about the worst gifts my dad ever got me and when I was 13 he got me the soundtrack to the movie Bad Company starring Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins. I have never seen this movie

I think if i attempted to do one pull up I'd injure myself beyond repair

This is wrong. It's actually if your hand is bigger than your face you're gay everyone knows that

DST can suck my dihh

Huge news. My ironic watching of the Ted TV show has turned to unironic viewing of Seth McFarland's artistic vision of the Ted television program

Checking out what's going on in Threads

Thinking about bringing latinx back

Can't wait to see Kristi Noem sing "Tequila" in an elaborate eagle costume next season on the Masked Singer

War in the Middle East Britney Spears arrested for a DUI. Stock market bubble about to burst. Scrubs, King of the Hill and Malcolm in the Middle are back on TV. 2006 is so back, baby.

First draft of this tweet was definitely "have a another drink sweetie"

Trying to think about what to post that won't be me on a list

I would win Traitors by protecting every PoC or woman from being eliminated

Ban housewives from Traitors imo

No spoilers but all I gotta say is... Traitors

[guy who sang baby beluga] the festering belly is splitting, each half digested soul fumbling for a knife

Loved Sin City so I spent real money to watch The Spirit and man what a dogshit experience that was

These guys are gonna have some great gay sex tonight congrats

Lmaooo

Oh my god

I fear if the US does not score here they might not win

Gotta get one here

Depressionmaxxxing

That’s Dan❤️‍🩹🦅

I am pleased to announce that Boy Throb has done it again

Dasha jumpscare in Materialists, someone should have warned me...