“My sister called me passive-aggressive and so I didn’t talk to her for a week” - Amari

Memorial Day Weekend?? No thanks 🙂‍↔️ Why would I take extra time away from my happy place?

everyone has that one homie who deleted instagram so now you have to screen record and text them any funny reels you want them to see

@the-lil-will.bsky.social fucking HATES me

Thank you Apple

Not proud to admit that I Shazamed a song in public the other day and got absolutely Steely Dan-ed

Subaru Crosstrek with a bumper sticker that says “My Other Car is a Broom ⚡️🦉”

Meet ‘Chonkers’ the Sea Lion

every time i see this i laugh really hard thank u rich 🙏🏼

My most millennial trait is that I will never stop making the “Did you know Tame Impala is just one guy?” joke

At my old job I used to have “Egg Time” where every day at 10:30am I would start playing “Feel So Close” by Calvin Harris and eat 1-2 hardboiled eggs

My tax refund arriving to erase my gluttony and shame

Ice Spice comments on getting attacked by woman at McDonald’s: “this wouldn’t happen at Wendy’s”

Am I incredibly anxious about being able to afford my mortgage and utilities with only one source of income? Absolutely. Did I also manically buy a Steam Deck on Ebay yesterday just so I could play Slay the Spire 2 in bed? Totally. I am a well-functioning adult who can be trusted with money 😁

As someone who has never seen an episode of Big Brother and only knows of him through his post-show internet career, I’m very interested to know @hoejackborseman.bsky.social ‘s opinion on Dan Gheesling

how it feels going to work the day after a devastating loss for my favorite soccer team

guys I stopped watching The Boys after season 2.. be honest is it worth catching up on?

Miscellaneous uncs shooting POISON

Finished. Hilarious and devastating. Wow.

MY TERRIBLE BOSS GOT FIRED THIS MORNING!!!!!!!

What should I have for lunch today gang? Steak chimi sandwich or chicken burger?

I do this to Nick after I yell at him for doing something bad and then I feel like I hurt his feelings

I do this after I yell at Hank for doing something bad and then I feel like I hurt his feelings

Started watching yesterday

We’re baaaaaaaack

Does anyone else remember the seasons “Spring” and “Fall”?

Nice lady at the drive-thru exclusively referred to me as “boss” and “boss-man”

googoo dolls iris voice

MY DESERT. MY ARRAKIS. MY DUNE.

Sorry boss, I gotta take this

Remember, you didn’t “lose” an hour over the weekend. You merely traded it in to get back to your real home faster 😁 Happy Effing Monday people!

Let’s put some BROCCOLI on that PLATE!!!

Evil Daft Punk be like “Softer, Worse Than, Slower, Weaker” 🤣 Just a little thought experiment for ya, happy Friday

she uh ….um pint on my..uh… guinness till i ..erm… split the g 🙈🤣🤪

I know at this point the zillennial plight of “how am I supposed to adult when this” has become overplayed and annoying but like HOLY FUCK THE ENTIRE SYSTEM IS MADE UP OF RACIST CANNIBALISTIC PEDOPHILES AND WE JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT IT????

ASMR Eating Taco Bell in your car on your lunch break in the rain while the Minecraft soundtrack plays gently in the background

BEANS BEANS BEANS (to the tune of FE!N Just a little thought experiment for ya, happy Friday

Getting crushed by tax returns. In my hardest class to date. Studying for the CPA. The grind of a capitalistic society consumes my every waking moment. Olive Garden breadstick.

work mandated we switch from email communication to Microsoft Teams today

Back to my happy place!

I Can’t Believe Nick Bought a Zoo

sooo uhhhhhh I might be buying a house today

Listing my Fortnite skins as assets on my taxes this year

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I wish I could live tweet my therapy sessions - Sent going 42 mph through a school zone

I woke him up!

You know, I’m starting to think I was a little tough on that Garfield guy… Mondays are lowkey the worst