It’s wrong to lump all top Trump people in one category. There are differences among them. But they do seem to fall into three (sometimes overlapping) categories: • Ordinary criminals (grift and corruption). • Sex criminals. • War criminals.

Asperger’s? No you misheard, I have ass burgers

When English people say “we invented the language” my response is twofold: (1) thank you for your work on the first draft, we can take it from here; and (2) you also invented football and we know how that’s gone

British people be saying “oesophagus”

Surely somebody’s already done this one

No longer having to say "this isn't who we are" is proving to be a huge time saver

More than a dozen Israeli soldiers spoke to ITV for their new documentary Breaking Ranks: Inside Israel’s War, about how their army’s two-year campaign in Gaza involved shooting unarmed Palestinians en masse, using teenagers as human shields, and flattening entire neighborhoods without pretext of...

You don’t have to hand it to Jeffrey Epstein but apparently even he understood that Trump was stratospherically repugnant and should not be president

Donald Trump is a child rapist and trafficker and the entire Republican Party is conspiring to cover it up

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

I’ll probably never get a chance to punch Bill Maher in the face

ANDREW CUOMO: it is offensive to call me Fredo Corleone *Monkey's paw curls*

CNN ANCHOR: As President Trump's approval ratings drop, how can Democrats harness the protest movements we see today? HAKEEM JEFFRIES: Well I call him President Parachute Pants ok? Too much ballroom. Yet he's fumbling the ball of protecting healthcare. So I urge all Americans to obey federal agents.

I personally love that Jim Breuer is a politics guy now. He has helped me see through the lies I’m fed by the ladies at the view

[rfk press conference] okay everybody here’s the deal poop is food now

The big insight of Revenge of the Nerds was that, for nerds, the value of “technology” basically starts & ends with putting cameras in people’s bathrooms

“If we don’t have borders, we don’t have a nation” is so dumb. It’s like “we should run the government like a business/household,” received wisdom that makes no sense if you think about it for 20 seconds. But people parrot it uncritically and allow the idea to degrade public life & civil rights

New questions emerge about maverick Dem ME Senate candidate Pennywise

i NEED to know the backstory here

Korol is a US citizen. Her family hasn’t heard from her since she was taken, public charges haven’t been released—what crime did she even commit? 2nd-Degree Woodwinding?—and there has been no explanation for her “renditioning” across state lines. We’ve moved into a new phase of Trump lawlessness.

Look think about it [says something incredibly stupid]

RIP. So glad I got to see him live in 2015 and only wish he’d lived to share more of himself and his massive talent with us. This is possibly the greatest song of sexual jealousy ever put to wax youtu.be/73x9TvX0Bd8?...

Why did he post this RT @BarackObama If it’s near closing time, and you’re looking for cocaine, your best bet is to ask the bartender

Caramel police arrest this flan

What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy

why did he say this

This guy is unbelievably pathetic

Blocking anyone who uses the nodding Nicholson gif

Democracy is and always has been a *restraint* on capitalism and “titans of industry.” One person, one vote (and additional restraints enacted by representatives of the people) is the only way to prevent the handful of people outsized wealth from running roughshod over everybody else

The Wife Put Me in Charge of the Toilet

i think one thing people have a hard time grasping is that the central figures of the trump administration are not bad as in "the worst republican blowhard you know," but bad as in "the worst people you have ever heard of." donald trump is a serial rapist whose best friend was a pedophile.

Damn this is a harsh way for the local media to describe a Caspian > Bug encore

New Derangements, the album of the year contender from indie sensation Animal Mouth (me) is now up on all your major streaming services. Check it out yo distrokid.com/hyperfollow/...

Role playing during sex sounds fun until you can’t decide who gets to be Shrek

The new Animal Mouth record New Derangements is now available at Bandcamp, and shortly on various streaming services. I’m very proud of it. Check it out if you’re into Music animalmouth.bandcamp.com/album/new-de...

The piss tank on the ISS is now 42% full.

PHOEBE BRIDGERS: it feels like you played a lot more two-high last year STEVE SPAGNUOLO: that's right, phoebe

Jack Antonoff: and I guess that's how we sorta landed on the bedroom pop feel of Midnights Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]

For when you got the Christmas Shits

These days you’re hearing more and more about recency bias

You [naive]: Roll out the barrel Me [wise]: It depends what’s in the barrel

We beat em here, we beat em dere / we beat em all over dis atmosphere youtu.be/UpjLLw-cVzU?...

we have a 'post-religious' right in the sense that they post about being religious

Walked into McDonald’s wearing my Grimace costume and the manager shot me with a speargun

Asked to see the secret menu at McDonald’s and they showed me autopsy photos of Grimace

Asked the cashier at McDonald’s why the flag was at half mast and she said “Grimace died” and then she started crying