When I moved into a new-build highrise, some of my friends asked "But where is the charm?" Wouldn't you prefer an older walk-up with cHaRm?" Charm is nice, but every creak makes you hope it's a godforsaken GHOST and not some expensive problem that the landlord doesn't wanna fix.

I'm on a mission to learn the origins of every neighborhood I visit in Chicago. And holy fuck, Streeterville. "Confrontations between squatters and lakefront property owners recurred after 1886, when George Wellington Streeter stranded his boat on the Sands...

Every man is literally colorblind but has no idea. A friend asked me about the "pink route" at the climbing gym. It was devoid of color. The holds were a grey-white. Another friend claimed I should see him on a busy street corner bc his jacket was "bright-ass green." Friends, it was baby blue.

"Live, laugh, love" is giving "boys will be boys" energy.

Man, I don't have energy for any pollyanna bullshit at this juncture in my life.

the tattoo gloryhole is not a concept i expected and yet

Bartender: You want plates? Customer: It's to-go. Bartender: Yeah, you want paper plates? Customer: Nah, I'll just be an animal. Bartender: Mhmm, tastes better that way.

Tried to get back into boxing at a place nearby and they used headsets to call out combos. It was so hard to understand what the coach was saying that he kept getting irritated with me for being confused. So that was fun.

I know it’s difficult right now, but I insist that you seek and enjoy beautiful things, even if it seems frivolous or irresponsible in the face of overwhelming horror. I want you to feed yourself artistically, spiritually, and literally, because you can’t Do The Work when you’re starving.

[guy who sang baby beluga] the festering belly is splitting, each half digested soul fumbling for a knife

The more I learn about men, the less I believe in religion.

Now that I think about it yesrs later, maybe the guy who complained that my biceps were too big on the first date just hoped that I'd slap him hard in the face. Maybe that was the objective all along. I'm not here to kink shame.

Sauntering up to a couple in public: "So which one of you is the church and which one is the state?"

Somewhere, some poor Onion writer is tearing up another draft article while screaming "Damn this timeline!"

Apparently I like all my lil guys to also have rosacea. She just like me.

Told a lifelong Chicaglodyte that the Sears Tower looks like a doberman with light-up ears at night and now I've ruined his life.

I know hockey players have always been kinda stupid, what with the head injuries and all. But has anyone noticed that they're getting noticably dumber in recent years?

When you visit the tourist Walgreens on your way home from work and spend the best $8 of your life

Okay, it's a pain in the butt getting here some days, but I gotta admit working in the office isn't as bad in 2026 vs 2019 since it's not packed and no one is watching over my shoulder. Being able to come and go as you please makes a big difference.

It's still wild to me that when I need to just pop over to Ulta or some shit for a quick errand it's next to SOME MAJESTIC FUCKING PIECE OF ARCHITECTURE. And no one could seem to care less. Do you see that? Do you see that neo-Gothic architecture!? Flying buttresses!

Imagine being mad that apartment maintenance is doing maintenance on the apartment and coming out to scold them for making noise. Okay, lady, you come run the drain snake and see if you can figure it out?

Since quitting alcohol, my favorite busy-body response to me ordering a N/A beer or wine is always "why don't you just drink a soda?" Maybe because I enjoy COMPLEXITY AND NUANCE, TODD.

I don't think I wanna read it after living it. But I'll boost it.

The FCC just opened public comments on SpaceX's plan to launch a million satellites to do AI compute in space. Under the current proposal, an environmental review won't be required. Please consider submitting a public comment to oppose this damaging plan. darksky.org/news/two-sat...

My friend said I should stop being mean about the US hockey team. I say that I'm not being mean enough. Y'all gotta stop being concerned with being mean. Negativity will save us all.

Man, this was relevant during the Olympics but will be relevant in whatever news comes tomorrow and the next day too.

this just in from new york city: we’re hearing that mayor mamdani just signed an executive order making it illegal to NOT stand at your window and fold your arms and say “wow, it’s really coming down out there”

if you’re gonna like sports for the most part it needs to be an eat n’ dash buffet where you know it might give you food poisoning but you will enjoy that red jello and cool whip for a few hours dammit

I'm jealous in a way I usually only feel about countries with universal health care and non-fascist governments

The Tkachuks, the cybertrucks of the NHL. I ended up enjoying the game and being excited about our victory… and then this happens.

Do you think anyone ever goes on Love is Blind to just be destructive and take down some egos? Maybe a participant should absolutely dissect and reveal the audacity for fun?

Giving Brad Marchand a stuffed animal is the funniest thing in the history of sports

All sports should hand out emotional support plushies after big games actually

I just think they're teeth

Dude, Mark Stone is only 33...

Non-hockey friend: Who should I get on a USA hockey jersey? Me: Robertson.

Non-hockey friend: So, from your perspective, what is the US doing wrong here? Me: Well, you see, they built a roster full of idiots...

You really have to applaud the NHL. Somehow, hockey is not everyone's number one favorite sport. Incredible work by them to repulse people away from this.

Hockey fans watching the gold medal game in Toronto loudly booing Gretzky whenever he appears on screen is very pleasing to me.

Tom Wilson yelling “he hit me” is on a level of irony I cannot even fathom.

The ref calmly explaining to Tom Wilson that there's no evidence The Count from Sesame Street has actually ever fed on the blood of a human

So I have an idea for a little DIY project. When I was a teen, I loved making my little punk-ass jackets. Typically a black denim or motorcycle jacket with band patches, studs, spikes, etc. But then late last night I had this idea...

Well, that was the first time I had to stand between an abusive man and a little girl on the train. What a piece of shit.

I love seeing people with highly DIY outfits, especially with alt styling, studs, spikes, etc that are designed to appear intimidating. Because that is the most dedicated Joann's Fabrics rewards member you will ever meet.

Team USA men's hockey is always just the biggest a-holes of the NHL, ain't it?

Two weeks ago, a coworker was biting at me about a deliverable I developed being a waste of time. Guess who's asking to share that deliverable now.

Man, I remember thinking she was amazing when I was a kid. Then, around the late 90s, I saw an interview in YM or Twist or some shit where she said her life goal was to be a wife and mother. And even as a tween, I was like, huh, something's off there.

trying to find something in my email and came across the dog I met in an ulta ten years ago

My upstairs neighbor is once again rolling in their pit of polyhedral dice.