My cat be catching me at my lowest moments. I know she watches me in pure disbelief, wondering how I’m the one in charge.

“I’m finna step on the bed” 🤣🤣

This might be the funniest video I’ve ever seen, nigga I’m SCREAMING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I never really understood what people gained from smoking hookah. It always made me light headed.

Mariah Carey (“All I Want For Christmas Is You”) is to Christmas what French Montana & Fabolous are to New Year’s (“Ball Drop”).

It’s so much snow outside, it got inside of my Uggs.

I’m on fire right now. Just won the last 3 UNO games.

The personality differences between my grandmother and my aunts always makes me giggle.

You, personally, will be visited by three spirits

you, personally, will be visited by three spirits

I really gotta go to work tomorrow. Corny as hell, where’s their holiday spirit?!?!

Merry Christmas!

I fucking knew it.

I hate when people don’t follow a theme. Cuz why me and my aunt the only ones in here with ugly Christmas sweaters?

I can already tell that DMV office ain’t ever seen a bitch like me.

I need to be doing that anyway, but yeah.

Fuck no

This holiday “party” is ass. I need a Bimbo type affair.

AI gumbo is crazy 🙃🙃🙃

Did I tell y’all that I said 6,7 the other day? No lie, I get why the lil homies find it amusing. 🤭

I’m just seeing a lot of poly talk in reference to a man and multiple women. Ladies be smart. 2+ men taking care of you in every aspect is better than one man barely taking care of you.

Aye y’all know poly mean she can have 2 or more men too, right? 🌚

How do you know if you have ADHD?

4 years later, I finally solved the mystery of where this Nautica hat came from. Oh well, fuck that nigga, it’s mine now.

In. Too. Deep. Don’t wanna puulllllll out!

The office holiday party is tomorrow. They didn’t even give me time to prepare. I just got here. 🥲

I can finally say that I am excited about a new job. I fucking hate capitalism with every fiber of my being, don’t ever get that twisted. But I have a good feeling about this.

I just started this new job for the DMV and they put my license picture on my badge. This picture will forever haunt me. It was SIXTEEN (16) years ago. Please unhand me. 🥲

Not gonna lie, when it comes to me, you’re allowed to have one (1) white parent. That goes for friends and men. And even one is too many, honestly. But I make the exception.

Son in Scarface stuck his tongue out at a woman. She slapped him. He called her a lesbian. 😭

The Internet was never perfect but it used to be usable, functional. I know how we got here and I want the old Internet back. I want forums back. I want personal sites. I want stuff not written by a machine. I just want shit to work again.

The Halloween costume that I was supposed to wear ended up arriving the 1st of November (fuck you, Fashion Nova). I just tried it on last night and it is absolutely adorable. It’s probably for the best that it came late because they wouldn’t have been able to do shit with me!

My best friend is like a golden retriever puppy. Super friendly, super cute. Me? A black cat that don’t fuck with nobody.

I really love this Yeti mug.

The problem with ice cream sandwiches is you HAVE to eat two at a time. It’s in the instructions on the box.

I hate you nigga let’s die

Justin Timberlake: *singing about addiction on “Losing My Way”* Me:

They named Stevie Wonder to be the GOAT in R&B. I agree. Robert Kelly don’t have shit in his catalogue better than “As.” NATHAN.

The girls be racially ambiguous.

She fuckin wit Benito 😂

I was not aware that they made those.

Oh my.

We always have to "move on for the good of the country" then watch elected leaders make the shocked Pikachu face when the same shit happens again.

I’m starting this documentary series about the Tylenol murders.

someone called astrology “birthday racism” and i’ve been cackling ever since 😭

Just learned recently that it’s not “yes to your mama” 😭

Other Beyoncé lyrics that are never changing: “He so African and bold.” — Ring The Alarm “I said yes to your mama and yes to you dating me.” — Yes Any others?

I hate when they get to talking about calorie deficits. One thing about me, I’m gonna eat.

I should’ve taken that ground turkey out sooner to defrost. That brother starving. 🥲

I see a twist out in my future. The straight hair is great, but I’m not about to keep applying heat to maintain it.