After what was an eternity, I’m finally on leave. The rest of the month off, To do nowt until Christmas Eve. Then I’ll dad down to the shops, For some panicky last minute shopping. And wonder why I left it so late, Instead of distraught flapping and stropping.

Looks like a good night was had in Brady's, Dunboyne last night. CMAT dropping by for a sing song

Just sa a reel on Instagram where someone called themselves a “Professional Eater.” I mean, like everyone who eats is a professional eater. Unless, she’s some sort of cannibal who only eats professionals.

Here’s some Bruce to start the day. Look how handsome he is. Those of you who have followed Bruce’s story since he was a puppy, would you believe he’s FIVE now? Time is madness.

So I win the last Pinch Punch First Of The Month No Returns to take this year’s championship 8-4. Mrs B is so angry at her performance she returned anyway.

Another fantastic Letters Live done at the Royal Albert Hall. Highlights were Benedict Cumberbach reading a particularly graphic letter of complaint to the NTL cable company, Michael Palin reading a Spike Milligan missive, and Simon Amstell with a supper funny letter to his mum. Roll on the next one

Gremlins. Case closed.

I’m off to see Letters Live tomorrow, the 4th time I have seen the event in 2 ys. You may think I’m obsessed, I am. After my cancer 2 years ago mentally I was in the bin. We went to this event and, it may sound sugary but it’s not, this event played a major part getting me out of my funk.

Right I've decided that as I'm at NEARLY 4K followers I'm going to do a thread of all my books, but instead of covers you can have gifs with the same vibe THE COPPER PROMISE, or, Who Put the Rogue In Charge Anyway? uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-...

Oh hello. The months ahead are about to get interesting. @tokyosexwhale.bsky.social

Morning. I’ve been out. It’s wetter than an otter’s pocket out there. If you’re going out, wear a car.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I’m celebrating international men’s day with Lego.

Got out of bed to find it’s colder than a seal’s arsecrack which means sadly, the heating has gone on.

Here’s your Monday weather forecast: Ye Mondays does force its will on ye, omitting pressure on thy shoulders. Unbearable tis’ but ye must hold strong for a brief time to avail. Hold Hold HOLD I tells thee. Sunny spells in the afternoon.

This one is an out of season and unexpected tornado hitting a shed filled with old cathode ray tellies somewhere in Kansas.

White rabbits.

At The Bristol Beacon waiting for Nick Offerman

This one is an artist impression of a footprint left by a yeti in the Himalayan mountains.

I’m off to see Nick Offerman in Bristol tonight. No idea what to expect. Stories and anecdotes, maybe some songs I suppose. Anyway, if any of my bristol pals are going and want to avoid me, I’ll be the overexcited middle aged bearded toddler with a smile wider than the Avon Bridge.

This one is a recreation of that famous Nessie pic from years ago.

I’m watching Bambi: The Reckoning. Bambi sees his mum killed by hunters then grows up, finds a mate, has a kid, and ho are both killed by a truck. Bambi then drinks radioactive water, mutates into Hulk-Deer and GETS REVENGE ON HUMANS. It’s so bad it’s ace.

This one is Queen Victoria towards the end of her life sat on the throne in a big dress contemplating a cuppa.

Today’s coffee art is a polar bear’s bum crack.

Been practicing my coffee art. This is a penguin that got hit by a snowmobile and covered in snow.

Can I do a shout out to find the old crew still missing? Could you reshare this if you knew me as L3GSV on Twitter to see if I can be found by any old friends here who don’t recognise me!?

Homemade nut roast. Absolute pain in the fucking arse to make but absolutely fucking delicious.

I’ve succumbed. Heating has gone on. I have as hoping as o make it to November but nay, complaints have been made and I’ve listened. On for just an hour though, take the edge off.

How I got mondayed today: 7am walking to work in the rain. No people, no vehicles. No people, no vehicles. No people, no vehicles. Gets to road crossing where I need to hurry across to get out of the rain…400,000,000,000 cars, trucks and vans turn up.

Delighted to hear that Gary Larson is drawing again. Digitally this time but you wouldn’t know it to look at them. www.thefarside.com/new-stuff

Flu jab at 1100. I shall act my age and talk to the nurse about the old days of space hoppers, Tonka Toys, the outrage when Mars bars went up to 13p, AIDS government adverts and the spectre of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union.

Question, when having a curry with rice, how do you have it? I like to mix the rice in to soak up the flavour but Mrs B has her rice “clean”.

Literary Fiction’s continuous snobbish need to look down its nose at historical fiction, sci fi, fantasy, thrillers, crime and all the other fiction genres and sub genres is why I will never knowingly buy or read literary fiction.

Farts are merely ghosts of those things we have eaten. The call of seagulls are the screams of dying mermaids. Tears are the waterfalls of sorrow. Jaffa cakes are biscuits.

Also the intro to Peacemaker is the best telly intro ever made in the history of telly ever. Ever.

Well friends, I just watched The Life of Chuck and it’s made me cry. Rare I’m moved by a movie like that. 5/5.

*Asking* London tourists for their phones would 'kill' the phone theft industry 🥲

I suppose she’s gonna show them a birthing video in reverse then while shouting “get back to where you came from”.

Happy birthday to former thumb war 1997 runner up and owner of the 2nd largest collection of socks in the UK @shewithcapitalv.bsky.social who once told me she can sharpen a pencil in under TWENTY EIGHT SECONDS. Remarkable human.

Sharing this again because BY GANDALF’S BEARD MORE OF YOU NEED TO BE MADE AWARE. Also happy Friday. Not you.

HELLO FELLOW BRISTOL PEOPLE, Nick Offerman is bringing a one man show to the Bristol Beacon on the 31st October. I’ve just been on the website and there’s plenty of tickets left for sale. Got mine, go get yours if ye are coming. Don’t know who Nick is? Google is your friend there.

HELLO FELLOW BRISTOL PEOPLE, Nick Offerman is bringing a one man show to the Bristol Beacon on the 31st October. I’ve just been on the website and there’s plenty of tickets left for sale. Got mine, go get yours if ye are coming. Don’t know who Nick is? Google is your friend there.

What a beautiful film The Ballard of Wallis Island is. Folk music, lost love, and a superb comic turn by Tim Key. The film is a lush escape for a couple of hours. 5/5

I won’t be around tomorrow, gotta go wake up Green Day. No, you shut up.

Spending my day off at IKEA because I’m far too happy and need bringing down a peg or two.

A new Grand Tour just dropped:

Afternoon nap completed. Satisfaction rating with the day so far is at 8.9.

My eldest is 31 tomorrow. BLOODY HELL WHERE’D THE TIME GO AND THAT

Annnnd 5 days off! Up yours, Monday mwahahaha

This morning, while stuck in traffic, I thought about how quickly the year has gone, then about how old I am, and then about how time moves quickly anyway, one second at a time. Then I thought about geological time and how it’s seems so vast to us puny humans. Then time and the universe, so vast,but