I really wish the holidays were over and things would go back to normal. I really hate that this time of year. 🫩

It’s almost as if this was the intended outcome

If I say what I think of that awful Nick Shirley and his disingenuous garbage video that got retweeted by the vice president people will accuse me of being ableist

I love how I can just immediately tell who won the Browns game just by how Pittsburgh people are carrying themselves walking downtown 😭

getting high and putting away laundry is my favorite puzzle game

Now Playing (doing laundry and riding around in the rain, edition): youtu.be/GvGtaUgzGI8?...

I actually think this should probably count as a war crime outside of video games too

I really kind of hate South Park, but this is pretty damn funny

YESS!!! it’s officially after midnight- everyone’s in bed. Now- finally I can post my deep dark secrets that can never see the light of day 😈 and so what I’d like to do is start out with this fun and tasty recipe for ambrosia salad I found and,

every time I log back on twitter I immediately grow two new grey hairs and my credit score goes down by 15 points 😣

what could that possibly mean? like what would they need to take out, or rather- put inside him to help with the hiccups?

we all have our crosses to bear 😔

I need my own personal secret service member to jump in front of my phone and knock it out of my hand like someone was trying to shoot the president whenever I’m really feeling like ordering uber eats instead of just making myself lunch 😤

the idea that that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” has been pretty soundly disproven by modern medicine.

I swear to good I thought that was a disk horse post at first. I had to do a double take and scroll back up to double check an actual person wrote that

I have to go down to the bank this morning to replace my debit card. Again. Then *another* bank to replace *another* debit card *AGAIN* Because I was wearing my pair of “lucky” jeans and forgot that they turn my back pocket into a fucking canon that shoots my wallet out of them when I’m on my bike ☹️

My whole life we’ve been told that The US is simply too big to have high speed rail

Search your first name and then “glamour shot” And post a photo It’s mostly guitars, I think because I share a name with a very famous guitar company, but this is literally the first result. An actual picture of what I really look like.

If I say what should happen to these people I'm going to get in a lot of trouble, so I'll just say that I hope they get what they deserve

Question: what is the actual scientific reason we have to have days in between Christmas and New Year’s?

Kimya Dawson - I Like Giants www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoDn...

hey, so has Larry Ellison officially taken control of tiktok yet? Because I’m not kidding, this was a real ad I got on there the other day. It’s for a “hiphop necklace”

happy boxing day !

Merry Christmas from a normal man

I was just released from the new Avatar movie. My instantaneous review without really thinking about it: It was long!

Oh, Merry Christmas btw! ☺️🎄

US authorities discover a million more Epstein documents, officials say

What was that? What’d he say? Once again in my good ear please. He said “this was the year we finally got owned?” Oh, I give up! I’m going to go watch Matlock and soak my feet 👴

Okay, I changed my mind, this is my current favorite Christmas song youtu.be/fenyfqlHfbQ?...

sometimes before I make a post I like to search for it first to see if anybody has ever made the same joke before and I… I don’t think I have ever had an original thought in my life lol ☹️

omg the weather is so nice out* it’s stupid! go outside and rid your bike! ☺️ *read: 45°

It’s scary bc my algorithm on tiktok knows where I live, but my algorithm on instagram knows my *s o u l*

OH MY GOD THEY DID

it must have felt so good to be the digital media manager when the word came down to unschedule the piece from the 60 minutes feed but no one said anything about unscheduling it from the international website

I’m actually kind of curious how this stuff is going over with the maga loyalists. Like aren’t they the nazis that hate anybody that isn’t white? I just have trouble believing with everything else that’s going on they’re super thrilled about all these rappers hopping onto their team right now

I don’t know why my timeline is suddenly flooded with people arguing about the avatar movies, but I saw the first one in the theater super stoned and I tried to reach out and touch one of the 3D butterflies at one point and I felt really dumb about it lol

Bari Weiss won't hear your remarks about how disgusted you are with her toadying to the admin but on the other hand yes she will, these people are absolute dogs for attention and would eat their own vomit on live TV if it meant even three people would notice them

I feel so bad for all the zoomers I see posting about how 2025 was the worst year of their lives bc of how many awful things happened in it. I feel so bad for them because I don’t know how to explain that it actually gets worse

I just want to state on the record that I am *NOT* participating in this morning’s discourse surrounding bluesky’s ban on Goatse. HOWEVER,

Okay, I’m not saying it’s the BEST Christmas song, but I really really like it. (It’s a good song!) youtu.be/76WFkKp8Tjs?...

this is one of my favorite days of the year because starting today for the next six months every day is going to be just a little bit brighter ☺️🌅

And there it is...

😇

this is the amazing new operating system that literally records every single thing you do both on and offline, yes?

Mr. Beast, all my friends and I were saying how good at boxing you’d be

how tf did this website get a stupid "find your friends" feature before it got a fucking drafts folder??

did Jeffery Epstein actually do anything else besides fuck kids with famous people? Because I keep looking at all these pictures of his house and his emails and it kind of seems like he literally had no other hobbies

people on tiktok love to take a bunch of old skateboards and cut them up and glue them back together and make the most unnecessary cutting board you’ve ever seen

If cannibals ate Santa Claus do you think he’d taste like peppermint?