Hahahaha, every line of this article is better than the last

Obviously, that’s not how you “hold” a nail. But it’s also not how you hold a hammer.

5th time seeing this one going back to the first national tour.

Madonna of Milk Enthroned with Child, by Jean Fouquet, 1452-55 (flipped)

I think we should force space CEOs to ride aboard their launches until they get it right

Happy Friday

Some notes now that I’ve seen the transcript of the hearing, thanks to @lizdye.bsky.social . First: the government dismissed the felony count in an effort to convince the judge not to make them produce full transcripts, knowing they showed serious misconduct.

My god this is falling apart spectacularly

Finally watching the 3rd season of The Mandolorian and this episode just had guest roles from Lizzo, Jack Black and Christopher Lloyd. 🤯

And this is why I love the internet

AInception

NEW: I've filed a claim with Todd Blanche for compensation from the $1.776B slush fund for the unlawful investigation by the government into my podcast in August 2019. I'm seeking $8.647 million in compensation for weaponized lawfare - the equivalent of punitive damages, lost pay and retirement.

Angels, by Clementine Hunter, 1966, 📸 by @adamhagyphoto

I’m not sure what’s dumber: the video content or that he’s wearing a concealed waistband holder in a way that significantly increases his chances of blowing his own dick off

Pool days are here! We use these shallow containment berms as pools for many of our pigs with shorter legs like Piglet here, or older pigs with arthritis, because standard kiddie pools are too tall for them to step into. The berms are also much more durable!

Tonight’s sunset from just above my house

I love this for them

Shirley Manson was one of my first crushes. Glad to see she’s still fuckin awesome 🤘

Oh, it gets better. My Freud is schaded

I love ospreys, but this is too funny not to share

Look, everything sucks, but there’s joy in this world if you look for it

Still laughing that anyone thinks a) his supporters care about broken promises or b) this wasn’t just a stock pump for insider trading purposes

Good news, we’re bringing culture to… <checks notes > … the Greeks The kicker is our culture is just a McDonald’s.

With all due respect to @minakimes.bsky.social ; Rob Stone’s trip to my alma mater back in 2007 will forever be ESPN’s greatest moment in college football coverage

So the next president can sue the government, settle with himself, then use the money for free healthcare and housing the homeless?

We’re gonna maintain our dominance… says the guy who can’t open a straight

These young ladies are fantastic

OK, is this the total douche move I think it is? Middle school choir performance tonight. Seating is always hard here because it’s one performance for 7 choir periods, and they reserve half the seating for the students not on stage. 🧵 ⬇️

It was great joining @jamestalarico.bsky.social and @ginafortexas.bsky.social today in Texas. They're working hard to make a difference in the lives of all Texans, and will be able to do even more as your next Senator and Governor. Let’s get it done, Texas!

Y’all, there’s a dude at the gym in a faux coonskin hat, complete with the tail.

Literally the biggest disappointment in the senate

Not me snooping on the construction behind my house

John Oliver is one of the absolute best at driving home how absurd these things are

1 - Did Netflix catch Paxton with his pants down again? 2 - feels like a desperate ploy from Paxton to get positive attention before his primary runoff 3 - they have no clue how the internet works, I’m not sure what law this breaks, there are hundreds of companies doing this on larger scales in TX

Some of y’all never played the table top Donkey Kong at Pizza Hut while waiting for your Book-It pizza and it shows

Walked into the house and the cat comes out - stops mid-stride and just stares at me eyes wide and mouth open. Have never seen her do this before. And she stands there for a good 30 seconds staring. And that’s when I realized I hadn’t taken my hat off after the gym and she never seen me in a hat. 🙀

Once again, the kids are alright

Introduced my daughter to @rickriordan.bsky.social ‘s Percy Jackson series and there’s a scene with Toby Stephens and Lance Reddick that made me squeal out loud. 2 absolute legends

She knows a lot about demons; she saw the first act of Beetlejuice

An AI generated image raging against data centers. I.. can’t even…

In an effort to avoid unexpected airport meet & greets please verify your cat’s location is not inside your suitcase before zipping it. Thanks.

She’d probably sue Napster users, too

I could argue for protectionism if our auto industry was making even the slightest efforts to catch up instead of actively resisting progress.

Waiting for the start of a middle school theatre performance, the lady behind me - whom I could only describe as looking like one of the women in a Mar-A-Lago photo - was telling her companions how she was getting all of her medical advice for some condition from ChatGPT

Actually pretty illuminating that Republicans have built an image of Trump in their heads where he's shaped like Rambo and everybody else in the country realizes he's a feeble old man who exclusively eats fast food.

Another great thread

Looks to me like he won three club championships today

1 - they’ve clearly missed the point of both Star Wars and The Mandolorian 2 - Mandolorians are supposed to never remove their helmets, so this might actually be accurate in the “we can’t follow rules” sense