rudy giuliani is 70% tissue paper

HELEN LEFT A WATER RING ON MY COASTER

me & my cat

everyone with a bob now looks like a darling little lad with a pocket full of chocolate

my labubu is missing :(

imagine absolutely despising every fiber of my being AND THEN you find out i also bought hitler.com

I have no other option but to make rice pudding.

WAKE UP you’re in a cash cab right now

golf should be illegal

(at universal) can Harry Potter sign my tits

no one talks about this, but… hitler was also ugly

“an orca is basically a sea panda” is some hot garbage i would put on twitter but NOT here

my sim died because it used the toilet too much

I have the Reba theme song in my head

did a DNA test. Grimace (McDonalds) is my father

had subway for the first time in awhile and it’s all I can think about now

admin reveal

why are they called Nerds? they look like skin tags

2025: the Duolingo owl smokes now

they changed the original Q-Tips recipe

cabbage is actually a fruit

not claustrophobic just hate holes

this is the moon speaking… stop looking at me

america's Sweetheart: the toilet

having a meatloaf sandwich @fbi

E.T.’s finger was originally uncircumcised

🎵 Fuck the pain away Worries for another day Fuck the pain away Down at Fraggle Rock 🎶

Sneezing in a manner that inspires Unity

*knocking on the cockpit* can I show you my pogs

Club Tits

no jacket. just want to be swarmed by locusts

woodchipper bumper sticker: be patient, student chipper

Programme 4 and New Dimension Records present the Easy AM 66 Promotional Album Vol. 3, brought to you by MagiClean® Carpet Cleaning Services! This rare promotional album is out TODAY on Bandcamp as a digital download OR as a VERY LIMITED EDITION VINYL LP: programme4.bandcamp.com/album/easy-a...

The Ultimatum S3 E1 Written By AI Sandal, 23, Went to high school on a boat "I’m 23 and I want to be married" Peter, 38, Los Angeles "I never want to be married. My girlfriend Sandal issued The Ultimatum but after speaking to JennyAnn in this pool for 45 minutes I think I could be convinced"

kids today don’t even know what a Mel B or C is

Paul, the original coca cola polar bear has been put down (2002 - 2024)

robert lol

Discharging my service weapon from The Gun Hospital

Men, it isn't called "babysitting" when you watch your own kids. The proper term is "vatergartenarbeit", a German word that translates to "dad gardening".

having a meeting* *sitting in a perfect circle of several opened polly pocket playsets

Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth.

sometimes i forget about the magic of television

2025: time for an egg to be president

my sims have unionized.

Are you available for a quick chant?

emotional support hot dog for breakfast

microdosing playing the sims

i have beautiful knees

my sim is going to be part of a ketamine clinical trial