The government is under the control of very bad people and they’re doing very bad things and that’s only the shit we know about now.

What the fuck.

I honestly didn't think it was possible to do something more humiliatingly subservient than defend this fake math, but congratulations to RFK Jr for finding a way. "Look at how I debased myself for you! Did I do a good job? Was I a good boy?"

with zero sarcasm this is good government and we should do this immediately

Dad: Should I run the lawn mower? Me and my mother, having just bought a lawn mower that will be delivered tomorrow: No!!!!!! Dad: okay *cuts grass with weed whacker instead*

I bought another watch band and it's nice, the color is great, but truly I don't know how you look at it and come up with the name "nectarine." The best comparison I can come up with is an orange or coral hibiscus.

I missed three (3) notes on my first play through of Think Twice, and none of those were a) the 3-fret chords I shouldn't have had to play in Hard mode, b) while Grayson was sticking his claws in the sole of my foot, or c) during a conversation with my father. They were just my regular shit timing.

Someday I’ll be able to write about the way people tie themselves into knots to believe bad things happen to people because they are bad. It’s so delicate. It’s self protective, because the societal lie is that life stops at disability. I can almost understand it. It’s still shit behavior.

✌🏼

Uhhh… welcome? There’s, uhh, pie and punch in the back.

No, *you* just bent over the cat with a mouth full of cereal and drooled milk on his head.

Haven't been able to get cat grass at Wegmans for two weeks and I can't get any seeds to grow, and of course Gordon just hurled everywhere and is desperately seeking grass to eat.

I just need a $25 dongle. And this other $20 dongle. Oh but let me buy this used game for $35. I could use a second $25 dongle so I don't have to play alone. Uh oh, I need a $100 external hard drive so I can fit more songs on here. I bet that $140 controller would be better than this one....

Does he realize how embarrassing this is?

Had spaghetti for dinner, so now I'm going to do laundry 😩

There's an SVU rerun on and there's like 8 people around a conference table and behind them is a sign that says "wearing a mask prevents the spread of COVID-19." There is, of course, not a mask in sight.

I got one of those "here's the word in English, say it in Spanish" lessons in Duolingo and I did a great job of using French instead 🫠

I need all this Lawn Order off my hard drive, but I am also loathe to spend money on an external home for it.

REDISTRICT EVERYTHING ESCALATE TO DE-ESCALATE GERRYMANDER EVERY SINGLE STATE IMMEDIATELY CREATE A DELICATE BALANCE OF TERROR NOW RESTORE DETTERENCE

So funny to see the handwringing posts when even Obama and Harris are out here posting like "lol suck it, GOP."

Republicans: We, the democratic majority of voters in America, tried "When they go low, we go high". That didn't work. You continued to be fucking assholes. So, we're now at the "when they go low, we kick them in the fucking face" stage of this fight. You're welcome. DEAL WITH IT.

This is exactly as good as the reviews indicate

Maybe I should rewatch Oz.

Literally about 30 seconds from having a toddleresque meltdown and just crying and screaming because I want to go to bed

I love the ears on this beast.

I think my headache is gone but I still just want to go to bed and stay there for three days.

I need the Mortal Kombat guy to come do the fatality where he rips your spine out on me. That's the only thing that would fix this pain.

Like, I'm glad I don't have sound sensitivity, but there is a certain level of uhhh factor about the fact I'm trying to massage a hormone migraine out of my face and shoulders while listening to Kerplunk-era Green Day on the radio. It *feels* wrong.

Any rice can be sticky rice if you just fail hard enough

Gonna spend the next two years spamming every elected Dem about the concept of "damnatio memoriae." Chisel his name off every inscription. Build over the various Trump Towers like they're Nero's Golden House. Remove him from physical memory, not to forget but as a sign of disrespect to the man.

Pretty sure even the old 8-track player in the attic would work better than Spotify.

She's on the furniture! How brave she is now that she's not in pain!

get mad or get fucked, those are in fact your two options

There's a TRMS rerun of some such on and Rachel's talking about Trump and Vance's relationship and just said "thank you, sir, may I have another," and I cannot believe she made it through that straight-faced without turning bright pink

Walking through every bit of dirt and every puddle I can find like a preschooler because I'm embarrassed by my new Converse

I am imagining what the conversations between Kash and his sponsor are going to be like once he gets to AA. In prison.

A bra I have to hook is a bra I refuse to use

My brain, for absolutely no reason: "I don't have the most recognizable eyes in the world like my singer does" (What a normal thing to say 🙃🙃)

Callie had all but two teeth pulled on Thursday and she's insisting on eating dry food already.

"I have to turn my video game off because I feel like I'm going to throw up" is just. Why. Who scrambled the wiring in my brain so badly.

Yesterday my dad went to a corner store where Biden used to go when he lived here and they had a cardboard cutout of Biden but sure it's this fool who doesn't know what a corner store is and gilded the fucking White House who is a man of the people

This assface lived in NYC which is basically one big bodega

Obama once said the word “arugula” and the media flipped out

John Kerry ordered a $4 Yuengling instead of a $3 Coors Light & our political media spent months tarring him as an out of touch elitist

Truly, when I said I was shooting for somewhere between Tre Cool and menopausal butch, I did not mean I wanted to skew to the latter so hard I was walking around holding a fucking ice pack to any bit of exposed skin I can reach

It is 87 in April and the number of people just sitting on the sidewalk/nearest stoop downtown, looking ready to die, is quite high.

NOBODY HATES THEIR AUDIENCE AS MUCH AS DICK WOLF

Sure why not cancel the only show in your franchise that's actually fun to watch on a consistent basis 😭

I love you, higher numbered channels of satellite radio, for sparing me from the censored version of American Idiot.