Wait wait, "my former boss, who I worked for while working on a campaign for a seat I wouldve run for except for Kamala losing, bit my wife's face off, leading to major issues for my friend who was running for mayor who had hired my former boss as his CM"

We have to decide if we want to be a country where working families can afford to buy homes. Or one where homeownership is out of reach for everyone.

I think perhaps my wildest one liner is that I legally own 7 human souls (excluding my own). I paid a total of $60 for them (one person signed the contract for free)

Playing poker w $100 buy in bc it's the only way I'd get an evening this week w my gf and I am realizing I may be something of a simp

There’s no way MY industry would stop hiring new grads and create a massive pipeline problem

whoever invented pesto i hope your pillow is always cold, you always have space for dessert, your dick/pussy is always sucked, you always get the christmas gift you wanted, you never get spam calls, your food never burns, you never lose your keys, your clothes always smells fresh

Hot take: late night Orange Line trains should head into the subway at 13th and run to Kimball to give (most of) the Brown Line 24-hour service too while keeping the Loop and towers traffic-free for overnight work windows

Can my customers *please* stop threatening to fucking kill me and/or everyone else around

I had this right, Jesus

Doctors need more whimsy. No doc, I don't "have an STI" and need "antibiotics." I have a dick that brings tidings of woe to those I share it with and I require a vial of a fungal substance most foul

IF YOURE IN YOUR LATE 20S AND YOUR GROUP CHAT ISNT DISCUSSING: - HOG SLAPPERS - PUBLIC TRANSIT JOBS - BLOOD PROOFING YOUR HOME - PET PLAY ITS TIME FOR A NEW GROUP CHAT. YOUR NETWORK IS YOUR NETWORTH

Say what you will about suburban drivers but we charge them for suburb-to-suburb and city bypass trips that have basically zero transit alternatives while keeping the expressways that parallel our train lines free, actively undercutting the most effective transit service we offer. That's backwards.

Watching the Watchmen show again and sometimes it really does just shove the plot twists into your face in the most subtle way lmao

Making up a girl here but imagine a Nintendo fan who kinda wants a 24/7 D/S relationship but is too much of a Switch.

Vacant properties are good because I need to move out of my home with my roommate who hates me essentially for being disabled and I like having options (ie, currently vacant properties)

So ADUs would irreparably harm "community character", but trailers in a parking lot don't, got it

Please stop kys posting into chat thanks

It's so funny that all the pop culture bdsm is like a man in a nice suit being like "wouldn't you love to give into your darkest fantasies" and in real life it's like "hey I'm beating the shit out of you in a basement bar next week, right? Gotta put it on my Google calendar"

Shout-out to my customer that cursed out a literal baby then threatened to hang me when I told him to knock it off

Unironically this was perfect comms strategy.

It's really great that we've setup solar policy to where it's fundamentally unstable and will fall apart when enough ppl put it on their houses

Imagine trying to implement other social programs like this! Like replacing taxpayer-funded food stamps with an unfunded mandate that grocery stores sell 30% of their food at a loss.

the american dream for the entirety of gen x is get a home, hope the property value double over 30 years, sell the home, retire in florida. this has been one of the biggest cancers on society. even having a home is about the grindset

Michigan Ave should have dedicated bus lanes and 0 parking.

Walked into the church of scientology and was immediately hit with "are you here to use the litterbox?" I may have to convert how the fuck did they know all that?

I am cancelling Hasan Piker because watching someone else play video games is weird. Just play them yourselves.

Me too, random statue at the Chicago History museum. Me too

Earth Day 🤝 Riding public transit share this if you've earned bragging rights

Percy Jackson beat this motherfucker

Gf: "we should let, like, 1000 homeless people all take the spot of a billionaire. And then the billionaire has to become like, 1000x homeless. Very homeless" Me: "ah, the one ones who walk away from Home-a-less"

Encouraging gas consumption in a global shortage while starving alternatives. Managing crises is my passion

Holy Jesus I am hungover.

I love when people who presumably identify as socialists refuse to do analysis of the factors of production and ask in the middle of multiple crises and shortages why prices are rising (it must be greed) (it couldn't be the global economy shitting itself because of fuel shortages)

I’d go further, upzoning should be a requirement for new transit projects (cough RLE)

Socrates if he was a wife guy "the only thing I know is my wife is very pretty."

You've heard of the Montana Miracle—meet the 🎆 Idaho Inspiration 🎆 Idaho just legalized five HUGE housing reforms: ✅ Manufactured homes ✅ Lot splitting ✅ Single stair building code reform ✅ ADUs ✅ Homes on lots as small as 1,500 sq ft!! The Mountain West is showing us how it's done! 🏔️💫

So my standard interaction with my customers is "good [time of day]!" then "thank you!" when they pay. Which made it very disconcerting when an older gentleman said "good evening" and then "thank you!" to me literally millisecond for millisecond as I was saying it to him yesterday

It really is that easy

Be Yourself. 🪽

Everyone please welcome CBS News Immigration Analyst Viktor Orban.

My work is reversing the discipline charge they gave me for an incident bc they decided I did nothing wrong so in effect I just got paid 32 hours of pay to do 7 hours of work over 3, 8 hour shifts. Other than the anxiety I'd say that worked out really well.

You can tell Chicago is a real city bc people be wandering around in koss porta pros. You don't see good headphone game in fake cities, like Dallas.

Holy shit union healthcare rips. I'm paying ~$270 monthly for everything for me and my wife. Just walked into my Drs and, unlike my wife's expensive fancy corporate insurance, no copay!

Shout out to whatever trees are using my breathing air for fornication. My voice has dropped like an octave and I cannot fucking breath. Good god.

Saphic! At the disco!

We need so much local political education re: how local government works. I do appreciate that the Mayor is helping with this. I have been getting many questions from people re: the current budget process and this hasn't happened to me as much in the past.

Talking w my gf's ex about what hypno triggers she loaded into my gf and what exactly they do lol

The death penalty but it only applies to one ethnic group in the seperate courts you’ve set up to try them in www.nytimes.com/2026/03/30/w...

Your fish girlfriend is surprisingly enthusiastic about how much she would still love you if you were a worm