Imagine the wizard goon seshes they were having with this telepathic globe shit

Keep telling my interns that they must become capable of great violence in order to reach heaven, none of them will even *try* kill me with a brick

Singing "fat chocobo" to the tune of "pink pony club" and everyone just thinks i have a new kind of autism

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

????? WHAT DO I GET FOR THIS ONE abcnews.go.com/US/pope-leo-...

5 year old methodically scrambling through the tube labyrinth at charles entertainment cheese, ritalin coursing through his veins, pissing his pants slowly: "no way out but thwough, no way out but thwough"

In my dictatorship circumcision would be a crime punishable by reverse circumcision (we put sew a bunch of skin back onto your penis)

Played industrial at work and an intern said "what kind of music is this ive never heard anything like this" bro this is how you get the goth bitches man, these are the songs of their people, its about how we're all rats in a cage knifing each other over stale crumbs sprinkled in by a callous god

They used to clean asphalt off of utensils with straight up piss. They would collect it in troughs at the local bar like an industrial byproduct of human life and spray it all over stuff like it helped the situation. Sometimes you get a chunk of road that smells like concentrated litter box

Having some shredded cheese (taco blend) melted across the surface of my mind, 700mg of caffeine dissolved in 8 oz of tea, on the side

it’s time to replace all doctors with ai

While I understand the political realities that have led to major companies jumping on the “anti-woke” bandwagon, it’s still disappointing to see Nintendo include Leisure Suit Larry as a pack-in game with the Switch 2

the hot single milfs in my area have organized and are open-carrying during their demonstrations

do the mac go hard tho

Ooh chuckie hornie??? 🥴

Not enough freaks and degenerates on this website. im tryna steep my aura in poison, train my psyche on demons, lose my shit telling ted cruz to end his own life in a public forum

Just learned about eating pussy... never too late in a game to become a better player huh... 🤯

Manifesting scott stapp losing sight of christ and getting addicted to lean, channeling negative energies like an evil medium dark oucomes

We got politicians in press conferences saying "we're all going to die" bro you cant be taking this country seriously

When i die, ill know ive reached heaven when i find the words of tumblr user "slimetony" etched in stone on the walls of the house of god

Calculators were the vangaurd of the machine god. We shoulda never externalized knowing from the locus of the body, now i gotta write an orange catholic bible

Virtue signaling is a funny concept. Dont these guys know that all being-in-the-world is a virtuous invitation to act as i do? If you witness me as i am, recieve it as me telling you to drink 400mg of caffeine and skip your meds, the goodness of my character is on full display, my posts are vatras

You think this is a game? Thats kind of scary man im really not good at those

Elden ring player entering the disgusting trash room of a bedbug-pocked bpd e-girl he met online, stench of decaying food and vomit lingering, going "woah youre like melania, and this is like your haligtree temple of rot" and getting rock hard like some sort of pavlovian dogboy

Having beers in the backyard with my homies and introducing them to my neighbors as my "special friends" just trying to feel something new

Tiktok gives you schizophrenia but thats just the technology metagame baby

lot of videos in my algorithm of people being mean to monkies and then giving them fruit. slowly being introduced to the concept of the tsundere, the poor bastards are going to build an oedipus complex out of sticks and rocks and abuse tactics. They must unite against this human menace or perish

Introducing the interns to the retro funk playlist and slapping them if they ask if we can play something else. Youre going to remember selfish high heels by heart, its part of your job

Everyone who has played world of warcraft since its inception through to its modern iteration is an honorary low tier bureaucrat of the second bush administration to me. You may as well have signed off on countless deaths like a little eichmann in ironforge

Inviting the woke mob to hit me with a big stick over and over again until i lose consciousness. maybe leave me in a ditch between a cornfield and an interstate, maybe i get rescued by callous farm widow in her pickup truck who sees the good in me, and get nursed back to health into a new life maybe

I talk about riding my bicycle the way donald trump talked about getting in that truck and just driving into the sunset... if you even care 😔

Interrupting the nightreign chat to ask if the 7 foot bird knight is sexual at all. Not looking for porn or anything, im just curious about his personhood. Hes so mysterious i just want to know how he broke his wing, if he needs help healing it or anything 🥴

If my master ordered me to kill the rat, i would snap off on the other student so fast. He was the op, he was talking too much, he called me antisemitic for saying Chuck Schumer could throw his shit back crazy style. I didnt know what i meant but i know why it struck a nerve

"If you meet the buddha on the road, kill him" goes crazy hard but it implies that the buddha dont leave the house. Hes always chilling. The one on the road is like a skinwalker or some shit stay woke

Ally erasure.... 🤕

you belong here. with us

"Gacha" games? Has anyone heard of this? A sin against god if there ever was one

Last week i decided to read gravitys rainbow and become a new sort of pervert about it

I heard theyre doing some gay shit in poland, and thats okay with me i just wanted to alert my followers in case it was pertinent to them

Me: its a dirty job but someones gotta do it haha Mike rowe interviewing me in the entryway of jabbas palace: actually no one needs to jack off the rancor, bib fortuna told me they dont even pay you man Me, holding back tears: hey man he, he gets stressed out down there man someone *should* do it

I got a conventionally attractive guy friend who pulls mad bitches on dating apps but hes autistic so he just takes them to board game night and teaches them brain melting euro style shit around a bunch of sweaty nerds

Fursuits are basically burqas, furries are smuggling sharia law into our society and ive laid down for too long - its time to convert

Showing this meme to the gut sitting next to me waiting on food at little caesars (they dont premake cheese pizzas so i always have to wait)

Im at the aldi parking lot with a hat that says "goblin" screeching at strangers "BLACK POPE OR ASIAN POPE, YOU HAVE TO PICK A SIDE"

Hopping on polymarket, frantically checking info on cardinals in line, scrolling through curated feeds of posts by catholic subsects, and dropping 70 ETH on the "first black pope" moonshot

Call me Janet, i saw the dow this morning and now I'm Yellen

american citizens will be so overjoyed with the ability to say slurs at work that they will no longer need to consume food nor purchase consumer goods

Smokin on the pack that got me hiding my capacities and biding my time, got me feeling like the white deng xiaoping

Im on the pill that makes me feel what i believe mark zuckerberg feels when he does an interview in the cucinelli t with the chain on