got to see Edi Patterson pull off a virtuosic improv performance last night honestly if she does any more of these RUN DONT WALK www.dynastytypewriter.com/calendar-squ...

Some stories about my friend Kaleb, on the occasion of his funeral: channel-6.ghost.io/its-just-dif...

AI slop horrible and bad but also Kaleb was a stone-cold shitposter and I believe in my heart he would have found this one fucking hilarious

I mean. yeah

wrote about a great writer thealexpress.substack.com/p/kaleb-horton

I believe my friend Kaleb Horton would find it funny that he died before GTA VI came out. And I choose to believe he is playing it right now in Heaven, just like he looked forward to doing, with special, massive DLC content only available to angels, and NOT more GTA Online bullshit.

This was Kaleb's piece on Norm. Absolutely fucking amazing piece of writing from an absolutely fucking amazing guy. www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv...

my husband @kalebhorton.bsky.social hated the phrase “passed away” and had nothing but scorn for softening euphemisms in general. he was a firm believer in the comedy rule of threes, but only if the third thing can hit as a surprise. and he just died

going out of town for family stuff this weekend instead of seeing one battle after another is my one battle after another

My dad is watching a French TV show and I walked in on the line “I just need to earn a few more Michelin stars and then I’ll be home.” 🫡🇫🇷

Overheard a hot babe complaining to her friend “…he was my dream man, but then they made him gain all this muscle and I’m like ‘why?’ He was perfect!”

I need to insure a bridge. you see I’m a little worried about its location

not having a job felt so good on obama term 2 twitter. that feelings never coming back

Scrappy Doo has been found dead in Miami

Obama chuckled. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?"

LIVING ALONE PRO: no one around to hear me sing the Nixon ‘72 campaign jingle “More Than Ever (Nixon Now)” from the composer of the Hot Wheels theme song CON: no one around to hear me sing the Nixon ‘72 campaign jingle “More Than Ever (Nixon Now)” from the c

A new Max show that takes place 10,000 years before the events of Succession

I’m Boyfriend

clarifying that this was my *bare* foot, as I was on the verge of trying on a shoe

someone’s dog just LICKED MY FOOT at nordstrom. I did not know a dog was nearby until I felt my foot being licked. final jokerfication moment re: dogs in stores. we used to live in a society!!!!!!

sure not all men act Like That but the far more chilling truth is ANY man can act Like That

I fell on my ass on wet wooden stairs and bounced on each step going down. might as well have had my teeth turn into piano keys. tweety birds flying around my head. I have multiple injuries that significantly impede my movement

my lifes like a movie (guy on the dangling pulley platform washing the outside window of the office I’m in right now)

friday post favorite pens let’s hear about it

excited to tell my family that I bought tickets to 2 different Claire Denis Q&As on our weekly call. meanwhile my younger sister is pregnant with her second child

when I was a kid it seemed like avalanches were a hazard of adulthood I’d have to watch out for but I’ve hardly been in any

nice try, but I’ve already justified my thought process to the audience in a tightly constructed soliloquy. I’m spoon feeding them my point of view in a series of clever asides. they’re lapping it up. I’m in control

Strand of hair on a head, among its brothers and sisters: unremarkable, correct, sometimes beautiful Strand of hair found anywhere else for any reason: radioactive, disgusting, burn the place to the ground

Doing the Candle Tweet in real life about the État Libre d’Orange “Remarkable People” candle that is not really available for U.S. shipping. but it’s my favorite

I googled this immediately thinking it was a movie turns out it’s a video game I’m crushed

need the marxist explanation for why beautiful women are super-concentrated in select industries but every workplace, from offshore oil rigs to any restaurant to the halls of high finance, has One extremely handsome man. if there’s more than one watch out though something’s wrong

Lana is having sound problems at stagecoach good thing she has that ease and naturalness as a performer to fall back on. yes I’m watching the livestream. I’m in the chat, with my friends from Brazil

this establishment doesn’t have the NBA game (someone asked) but they ARE using both TVs to play a Henry IV (?) adaptation with Timothée Chalamet and iPhone-faced period slop dialogue instead of Shakespeare. When did this even come out

me: computer, does this food product taste different now or am I different now. perhaps I’m ima— computer: Found 12,486 Articles Entitled “No, You’re Not Imagining It: All Food Products Taste Different Now—And the Reason Is Worse Than You Think”

ever put a pan in the oven that doesn’t normally go in there and then spot it in your periphery <5min after you’ve taken it out and unthinkingly grab the handle yeah me neither that’d be so stupid

Mikey Madison was sitting behind me for Sinners real cinéaste confirmed

anyone who has ever thought “I’m smart enough to start a cult. The psychological manipulation techniques are elementary” could get charisma oneshotted by any hippie who runs a health food store and wake up 11 years later telling their story to the netflix documentarian

Lying on the ground in a beautiful dress glamorously clawing at my poison oak rash

Sissy Spacek and Rip Torn are COUSINS

Not even in bed yet at 3:05am before a regular ol workday

crazy. Can’t do Heaven’s Gate nowadays cuz everyone is a snowflake

poison ivy was everywhere back home and I got a keen eye for it when I was still a kid. now that I live in different climes I really really really wish I could say the same about poison oak,

I tried to pluck off a split end and instead it kind of unzipped the whole strand of hair up to the root. Clean in two. Once in a lifetime guilty satisfaction

once I was wearing a Blondie crop top at lunch and a man told me “nice shirt” and it was Clem. RIP

hi i'm sexual actor james spader

After prayerful consideration I have decided not to be a fascinating bohemian anymore. My new hobbies are Fitness and Cleaning My Apartment

cry all you want but america is back. in a mere 3-18 years we’ll all be posting from the soviet tractor of iphones manufactured in huntsville alabama that gives off intermittent static shocks (best case scenario)

this morning I got dressed and remembered one more thing