When I told my husband we’d get a medium-sized dog vs our barely-5-months-old puppy

SOUP

In personal news things are very fun lately

Where’s the gin???? I deserve a treat

It’s finished

8:10pm, the last guest has departed. What I’ve learned, for sure, this year is that most boomers stay married because divorce is too expensive

You guys been saying “pluribus” wrong your whole lives too?

I would never watch stranger things. Not because of the boycott or whatever but because it’s just a dogshit show

Yesssss. Thanksgiving ended with my step-dad refusing to take a family picture and then storming off because someone said he’d had “too much to drink” and his cousin yelling after him “this is very emotionally immature!” Fantastic day. 10 stars.

I simply do not think Stranger Things is a good enough show to be doing this nonsense

My mom came to thanksgiving dressed like a waitress

Why do people stay married when they hate their spouses like this?

Brave 🙏

Yeah this sex scandal thing will be what erodes the public’s trust in journalism, not the entire industry peddling lies for illegal wars and a crony-capitalist system that’s been killing everything and everyone for forever

I’m still thinking about Bari Weiss saying that Hasan Piker (extremely popular influencer) is less of a measure of where Americans are than Alan Dershowitz (extremely unpopular Epstein associate, his own neighbors won’t sell him a pierogi)

Happy thanksgiving eve! Enjoy some puppy giggles

funny thing for a dude who enjoys doing Nazi salutes to say

“Any fun plans for tomorrow?” “No, we have people coming over.”

That’s the right number of pies

Why won’t he just let me live???

Hour 5 let’s go

Nailed it

The way they actually think I’m 56. 😭 the joke got away from me

Lfgooooooo

Rizzless

Kid fell down the stairs today and landed head first in the laundry basket like a goddamn cartoon character. He’s fine so it’s becoming appropriately funny now

Doing key lime and chocolate mouse this year because I’m tired of being mildly disappointed

It begins again

share a 90s movie you think deserves more love

so excited to see the burnt out husks of like fifteen of these things the minute they come to Oakland

Who wore it best?

When the kid gets home

“It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife…”

Meanwhile it’s going to be 70 degrees and sunny in CA on thanksgiving 😤

Terumaru, a bright young lightbulb and the mascot of the Tokyu Denki electric company, trapped in a door yesterday:

a movie that takes place where you're from

So what switch2 games do people recommend for a 9yo for Christmas? Any secret gems we might not have heard about yet?

me after getting fired from my job for not doing my job: wow the purity tests are out of control

Met a lady outside the grocery store tonight who was trying to get me on her side that it’s “ridiculous” to put up a “service dogs only” sign/policy and then she told me, so what, her dog pooped on the floor in the chip aisle a few weeks ago?! And yeah, they had it on camera but he’s innocent!

You guys like pirate dogs in little puffy coats?

evergreen

You know that prison hospital hates to see him coming

Fun fact: public teachers have to teach for 30 years before their pensions kick in.

Wait. They get a pension after 5 years? Lmfao

(To a reporter while running for president) I would love to bust in your mouth

increasingly hard to keep track of which political ghoul has sucked which political goblin's hog

people keep saying that SpaceX is not like Elon's other companies but I increasingly question that

Morale will certainly improve when everyone is more uncomfortable and insecure!

a whole crew against one chicken? and the chicken won?

It’s never not gonna be 2016