So, like, you guys got Nazis over here or what’s the deal?

Hi, my puppy lost her eye to a cat last week & to make everything worse, the pet insurance co won’t cover the surgery because it happened within the 2 week “waiting period” after I bought the policy. Anyway, if you’d like to throw anything at this, it would be deeply appreciated gofund.me/65d62b30c

I think my dog is going to be VeryLarge (1 week apart)

So sick of these centrist impurity tests. Not everyone can meet your standards of being a huge piece of shit, sometimes you have to just grit your teeth and vote for someone good even if that goes against your principles

Drinking Negronis at 8am with my new bestfriend

Figured out how to wag that tail

Picked up our puppy today and not everyone is stoked about it

Nutritionally balanced

DRUNK (legally)

Me drunkenly DM’ing all the boys (60yo men I have crushes on before we get swallowed up by the chaos)

Pls respect our Christmas traditions

Goodbye for now

Why is it always "Do you regret not voting for the lesser evil genocidal candidate?" and not "Do you regret your party committing genocide?"

jordan peterson getting into having unrecognized diseases is so babygirl coded of him. i hope he becomes a chronic lyme influencer

I always underestimate how much liberals will hate people for saying they shouldn’t be exploited by industry

Imagining HR frantically trying to match up posts of my naked breasts

Man, I forgot how easy trouncing liberals was. We’ve been having to fight conventionally-attractive anti-feminist pseudo-Marxists

I’ve only been here for 2 hours. Jesus Christ. I’ll go

Who won what?

She thought I said Hillary 😭

My sister’s boyfriend (of 10 years—get it together zoomers) gave my son his old bike and it was in such pristine condition I yelped “wow, you were an inside kid!” and now we all call him an indoor boy

Sooooo, what’s everyone been up to? I joined the PTA and bought a second gun

The vibe here seems very fucky, not gonna lie. Everyone having a bad time?

Banned from that other app, drinking and skeeting but:

I feel like you guys don’t appreciate my puppy. She’s the bossy one in the purple collar just riding over everyone for attention. Her name is Maybe and i bring her home a week from Monday. Thank you for your attention to this matter

"You're pretty funny" thanks I've been abandoned a lot

Relegated here for my drunk posting hours. Let’s see me get banned from two websites!

Italians: white confirmed

11 more days 😭

The record is suffering

I was thinking putting arby’s in her pants was a euphemism but now I’m not sure.

What if Jon Stewart ran for President? What if Stephen Colbert ran for President? What if John Oliver ran for President? What if Seth Meyers ran for President? What if a fart ran down your pants and into your socks and your foot exploded you goofy childish motherfucker

Last week of no school over here

My 9yo went shopping today by himself while I hovered nearby. He said he was nervous & then he found out that Dutch kids ride their bikes to the store & shop on their own as young as 6 or 7 & he was instantly fine. Would just love it if he could get to the store without being hit by a car

You need the national guard because you saw kids riding bikes in the road? Have you considered not destroying every place they hang out so you can build shopping centers that sell $40 salads? Have you considered building things for them to do instead of sending every dollar to killing kids in Gaza?

"I saw some youths in public, I doubt the crime rate is down" You are the reason teenagers don't have a safe space to exist in public & the reason why they are forced to spend all their time online because they can't even hang out in a park with their friends without some guy crapping in his diaper

I refuse to engage the defense attorney discourse. It’s just a bunch of people who hate each other for personal reasons trying to construct a Systems Discourse instead of just saying they hate each other for being dumb fucks and moving on. Embarrassing stuff.

How the 43 year old former McKinsey price fixing consultant, naval intelligence officer and career DNC politician looks at me after I select “no contribution” at the bottom of the 87th fundraising email I’ve gotten from Act Blue on the iPad:

The most human thing Grok does is hate Elon.

FBI agent to a woman getting a coffee: did u kill Jon Benet Ramsey Woman getting a coffee: no FBI agent: the hunt continues, sir did you-

12:30am posting Covid deep cuts

A saga in 2 drunken parts

Found out Biden, personally, wrote the caveat that made social security payments susceptible to garnishment for unpaid student loans

18 days until we pick her up

Have to wait 20 more days to take my puppy home 😤

My son is in love with our friend’s dog so I finally got him his own Meet Maybe

Kidnapped from his tank

This is why I’m still on that other app

Hard to think of worse countries than the United States at this point

24 hours and 5,500 miles apart