Well I guess we know what side of the rapture Duo will be on.

Blood’s all in my muscles now. None left for my brain.

Can’t stop winning…

The world is on fire, no? But we will have something to celebrate very soon…

Happy hump day

Sometimes you just have to toot your own horn. Otherwise, nobody will know you're a-comin!

Post a movie you like with a terrible rotten tomatoes score But come on— that Madonna song?

Dumb bitch reporting for duty 🫡

Go tell your mom about me, you know I’m stickin’ around.

One braincell bouncing around like a TV screen saver.

Simon really wanted to kill a lizard.

I don’t throw around words like “influencer” or “model” but…

I want to say something brave: People who hate cantaloupe are brainwashed.

I learned from the VMAs that everyone in pop culture who matters will bend the knee to the homosexuals, and I like the feeling of power that gives me personally

#tbt to when I was depressed and skinny

Bloop

Yes, I’m cultured. The culture:

Anyway, I’m in hour three of my breakfast and everything is going great.

The last bits of a bag of granola are really for the birds… Get it? Because it’s all seeds and gravel.

Made a banana bread Bundt. Most impressed by how it came out of the Bundt pan. Obviously unconcerned with taking a good photo of it.

Your dads went to the zoo. Zoom in for a rhino butt.

cohosted comedy night

35 is the new 50

Unapologetically gassy.

Scare Snoop Dogg Post a gay

WDYD when no one thinks your various “chudai” posts are funny?

Giudice

Shoe die

Shoe dye

Chew die

Chew dye

Nice weather and cheese

Is it bear face or is it the midwestern “hello” face?

Sunday Scaries are sitting in the pit of my Monday tummy. Need little kisses on my forehead

What is Duo doing here?

I spilled my 32oz Wawa coffee at my desk today. Return to work is going great. 🥴

Scrolling Bluesky in public is *precarious*

Night moves

No one: Me:

A lot of #tbt posts, cuz I need to take more thotty current pics. #beard #beardporn #gaybear #tbt #plantdad #plantdaddy #daddy #gayswithplants

Bad? Yes. Built? On my way. Butch?? Not really, but thanks. 🥰 Body? Ody-ody-ody-ody-ody…

“…now we’re sharing the same dream.”

Found spider mites in my office philodendron and might have to set the whole building on fire

Anyone got a cure for the constant, crushing pressure of existential dread? Asking for a friend… is what I would say if I was my friend.

The Life of a Showgirl

The Life of a Showgirl

Heads Up #tbt to show you how much I know about babies. 🔊🔊

🦦☕️🎹🪴