Are you someone who's Very Online, early in your reporting career, and eager to get clips? We're hiring a Breaking News Reporter at @motherjones.com. $65k-$75k salary. www.motherjones.com/careers/brea...

This is a hell of a way of finding out that Rob Reiner's wife spelled her name the cute way

"I'll burn down your house" - legally actionable, boring, common "I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you

There is nothing more brilliantly aggressive than shopping for your MAGA relatives at the NPR shop.

Pro tip: no one was going to toss it. Drink straight from the bottle. Eat cheese slices straight out of the fridge. This is not the time for nicety. We are all stress pigs now.

googles "how to get soccer to give me a prize for literature"

I've already talked myself into and out of joining a gym, so I'm ahead of things for New Years

The positive outcome of this story is that in frantically googling around trying to figure out what happened and how I could at least see the end of the episode, I discovered that the show is available at my local library and actually can be streamed thence via Hoopla 🎉

Why is there not a modern art museum located in OKC called the OklaMOMA? Someone get on that real quick.

Hey all, The Onion is accepting applicants for our writing, video and graphics fellowships. Fellowships last six months, pay well, and provide full benefits. You can apply at theonion.com/fellowship.

If you've read my book Homecoming, the other two books in the series are currently discounted. (Kindle version) Hometown: www.amazon.com/Hometown-Hom... Homeless: www.amazon.com/Homeless-Hom...

I have a goal now

Because I don’t follow college football closely, I keep briefly thinking that “Lane Kiffin” is the name of a new Mormon wife with a secret life.

Have you ever considered that this is all someone else's monkey paw wish and we're just along for the ride?

"It's, like, giving Tuesday" -- GenZ making fun of my outfit

Sharing this 40% because it's funny and 60% because Tyler Gooch has a great last name. I hope everyone calls him The Gooch in a playful, East Coast kinda way. In fact, I insist on it. Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ple...

Me, finally learning why I got an amazing deal on an Army-branded digicamo motorcycle jacket in 2009. Who knew? Gear: Chapter 5 open.substack.com/pub/articles...

My* "angry young man" book is currently discounted, if you're in the mood for such things. www.amazon.com/dp/B0982GVK8N *Yes, I thought it would be cute to try a pen name #ebooks

Ignoring the consent of young women turns out to be a perfect predictor of ignoring the consent of the governed.

How to have the perfect relationship with your cat, in one easy step: Do everything they want exactly when they want it.

"Presidents are not meant to wield power. They are meant to draw attention away from it." - Douglas Adams

Surrounded by people who keep asking you the same questions? Spending time with an older person who keeps asking you the same thing over and over? Don't feel like giving your worst family member more grist for the mill? Try: Lying™ For use anytime you're asked stupid questions. Try Lying™ today!

Greetings from the Group W bench

If you haven't taken your turkey out of the freezer by now, enjoy your grilled cheese sandwiches tomorrow

If you are traveling today, I hope you make all your connections, find something decent to eat, and that no one kicks the back of your seat

This is still free, if you need an emergency book to read on your flight, train ride, etc.

I was reminded of an old blog post about the Thursday holiday that I still stand behind. theyummishfaith.blogspot.com/2010/11/grat...

My "girl goes home for the holidays" book is free this week*. If you're looking for a way to ignore your family this Thanksgiving, it might do the trick. www.amazon.com/Homecoming-H... *Kindle version, through 11/28. #freebook #freeebook

"As long as policymakers continue to flood money into AI, small press publishers will only grow in importance. The quality of the books they produce, driven by that creative, alternative thinking & integrative design focus is only set to become more in demand." www.thebookseller.com/comment/dont...

This is my yearly reminder that you don't need to do anything new or, god forbid, innovative when preparing a meal you eat once every 365 days

If there is anyone you haven't seen for a while and are hoping to bump into, they're at the grocery store. Right now. Along with the entirety of the human race.

The 5 Senses: 1. Humor 2. Guilt 3. Fashion 4. Impending doom 5. Smell

Chopping block? No. Executerie Board

This isn't helping refute the Bubba rumor

Pre-coffee, my broken brain read this as a beat poem. Living well, I took your name, Kenneth Fall on me Drive, man-sized wreath Ignore land

No, YOU'RE singing "Bad Bunny" to the tune of the old My Buddy doll commercial

Tennessee Ernie Ford implies Kentucky Bert Chevy

Cats don’t need “training” to do this.

Signs my cat is MAGA: 1. Is very well-fed; resents the other cat eating anything. 2. Lives a cushy indoor life; is constantly and angrily obsessed with the stray cats outside. 3. Her rules are sacrosanct; my rules are fascist oppression, oh, poor baby. 4. Smells like canned tuna.

My proposed Baltimore restaurant group: Burgers at the Rue Morgue The Sirloined Letter Bananabell Lee Sundae Shoppe Falafel House of Usher The Cask of Amontillado Wine & More

high salaries and robust public funding for elections

My very silly book about Southern ladies is on sale for nine dimes and nine pennies! (11/6 - 11/13) Get it while it's cheap, y'all! #99centbooks #kindlebooksale www.amazon.com/Homestyle-Co...

Is a brain necessary for survival? Because I woke up with a Nickelback song in mine

He outed a covert CIA agent because her husband wouldn't help him lie about WMDs in Iraq.

Let's all allow Dick Cheney's peaceful passing at the ripe old age of 84 to remind us of the importance and joy of speaking ill of the dead when the dead were assholes.

Just sitting here and hoping that the famous deaths rule of three gets it right

My dude said "truthed out" like that is a phrase humans use

Cats do not respect the time change because the time change does not respect cats

A reminder that I'm hosting writing sessions at 8am CT/7am CT weekdays all November long! The National Novel-Writing Month organization is dead, long live the NaNoWriMo process! Register via anamariecox.com or directly at us02web.zoom.us/meeting/regi...

F. Scott Fitzgerald: In my book I invented Gatsby lifestyle as a cautionary tale The president: At long last, we have created the Gatsby lifestyle from the classic novel The Great Gatsby