Baby Boo Bunnie will murder your family while you sleep

Be a shame if a giant meteor, etc. etc...

It's the dream

am peony

Is signing "it's laundry, it's laundry" to the tune of the Rebecca Black classic "Friday" a sign of mental illness... or mental superiority?

"Heartwarming Hugs Bear will kill your children" is just so on point for our current moment

I will try it, but only because I'm committed to a healthy lifestyle

Or, hear me out, take out a life insurance policy on him and encourage him to take up composting www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-i...

Someone get on this

I will always be an Articles of Interest stan, but @trufelman.bsky.social did her BIG ONE with this latest episode about how tariffs impact clothing, rich people dressing boring now, and why we should tax the rich!! Go listen to it you won’t regret it!!! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a...

Per Sandy Hook Promise, Louisiana has had 154 mass shootings since 2020 We're gonna need a fuckton of ballrooms, Mike

I’ve been traveling. Did the Sunday shows talk at all about the fact that Trump’s 60 days for his attack on Iran under the War Powers Act is up this week, or did all last night’s dinner incident take up all the oxygen?

Me [age 16]: How do people get so wrong that they just hate *everybody*? Really?! There are NO good guys? Me [age 40-whatever]: Ohhhhhhhh. Okay.

So, less of an assassination attempt than an infomercial.

*knocks on your door* Have you heard the good news of dipping French fries in clam chowder?

He’s not fucking Rasputin, wax the floors in his office and don’t tell him, let’s be done with this bullshit already!

One of my favorite episodes of STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS.

I am not UP nor AT ‘EM but a secret third thing

Content Warning: Capitalism I've got all these books y'all can buy if you're feeling bored. Or ornery. Or whatever. bookshop.org/shop/Michele... Capitalism over. Please resume your scrolling in peace and good health. #books

Dude got Monterey confused with Marin, smh

This is an interesting way to learn that I'm not bad at math. I'm just presidential material!

we need to rebrand vaccines as antibodymaxxing

Everybody, aim your sneezes at Whiskey Pete

True! I tried it and just remembered that I meant to dust my random objects

PM folks: Do I know any librarians at New York Public Library? Please DM me. I've got a question!

If the evidence is at the bottom of a keg...

Another compelling reason to throw it into the sun

The "we have to tax you to pay for all of the native people you killed" of it all... Wow.

me: What the hell is that accent supposed to be? Are you from actual Mars?

I've got a doctor's appointment today. If she comes in wearing red robes and has glowing palms, I'm going to owe someone a big apology

Things Donald Trump is not: 1. Jesus 2. a doctor 3. capable of ordering DoorDash unassisted 4. fully aware of where he is in that moment 5. a competent president 6. a decent human being

Please, I am begging you, Hollywood. A John Wick movie, but all Babushkas. These Babushkas. We, as a species, need this.

Big Henry VIII "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest" energy here

If Melania *really* thought people were lying about her relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, she would have sued them for defamation to clear her name under oath, not deliver a lame speech full of lies for television.”

So perfect I'm actually sick to my stomach Here at H&R Block, It’s Our Pleasure to Answer Your Questions About How We Funnel Your Tax Dollars Into the Gullet of the Great War Pig www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/her...

"Thou shalt not suffer a fish to live." -- my cat

When you've got a Grifter-in-Chief, everyone's gonna grift. The Shocking Truth About This President That We've Been Sitting on for Months Is Now Available for Preorder www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the...

Moonshine's legal now, y'all! www.reuters.com/legal/govern...

He's playing emotional pinball with the entire world, and I'm still supposed to, like, brush and floss and do regular life stuff?

Yes, I called my senators. I don't know what else to do.

remember those other branches of government

We're slumming with Orban. That's how far they've degraded us.

It's OK, #NPR. I also have no clue how to live.

What is the protocol for celebrating the resurrection of the Prince of Peace while waging Crusades 2: Stupid Boogaloo?

Is it an FCC violation to quote the president verbatim? Asking for a friend

Things Trump can't control: His mouth His staff His bladder/bowels His horrible children His Easter bloc wife His hair His clothes His ridiculous appteites Iranian oil

Euro History Major (& former resident) Random Thought Stream, Part 4: The U.S. has more enemies & fewer friends than in our entire history. While American memory is equivalent to that of a pygmy shrew, that of smaller nations is not. Absent *revolutionary* change, we will be distrusted 4 centuries.

I teamed up with @janineannett.bsky.social for this perimenopause or Thanksgiving quiz up @mcsweeneys.net Turns out there is a surprising amount of overlap. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/tha...

I feel like I'm about to get jumped by a nursing home and I'm oddly here for it

Working hard