“I feel totally destroyed. I have a sadness that is deeper than anything I have ever felt.”

"'For reasons of decency,' I will blow up little school girls, but not a thriving commercial enterprise. That's just a no-brainer." -Donald J. Trump, noted humanitarian

Edited for accuracy: "How Pete Hegseth Came to See Moral Purpose as Weakness Due to Raging Insecurity Over Being Mocked at Sigma Alpha Reunions"

Pete Hegseth wouldn't be having these problems if he wasn't too cheap to buy a Mar-a-Lago face.

Pope Leo makes JD Vance wish he converted to one of those churches where the priest makes $5 million a year and guys with collection plates repel from the ceiling as part of a laser light show.

Lucky we killed DEI. This is what meritocracy looks like.

Gavin Newsom, Kristi Noem Nod Silently To Each Other In Plastic Surgeon’s Office

His kids detest him. His wife's hoping to trade him in for the mailman. His name is Markwayne, for chrissakes. This is his only shot at love. (Plus being a member of this Senate is akin to having platinum status at a low-rent Tulsa strip club.)

Psychologists refer to it as the "Trust Fund Dominance Shake," whereby "an effete beneficiary of his father's wealth attempts to dominate his foe as a demonstration of insecurity, but lacks the musculature to pull it off."

Sadistic. Fuck Russia.

Trump has urged the 92 million people of Iran to rise up and seize control of the country. A draft dodger whose mythical bone spurs allowed him to avoid serving in Vietnam, he wants average citizens trapped within war to summon a courage he will never know.

The consummate conservative woman: A decorated soldier in government-issued mini-skirt, artificially built to not say "ewwww" in your presence.

The grift that keeps on grifting.

Moral of the story, children: Don't cave like a wet dish towel when a creepy guy with a bad combover threatens you.

The bigger issue is that Barron wants to bring servants to basic training because he's too weak to carry a gun.

Pete Hegseth reminds you of the frat bro who still shows up for the hazing rituals 15 years after he was kicked out of school for stalking.

The Federal Trade Commission accused Pepsi, the largest food provider in the U.S. and Canada, of price fixing by lower prices for Walmart and jacking them for all others. Trump promptly killed the suit as soon as he took office.

This is what happens when your ambassador is an ex-con who went to prison for illegal campaign contributions, tax evasion, and witness tampering for hiring a hooker to seduce his brother-in-law on tape so he could send it to his sister to keep him from testifying. All the best people indeed.

Ukrainians have adapted to the daily reality of random cruelty and to the numbing certainty of the rising casualty count. They have adapted to their aloneness in the struggle and to America abandoning them and Europe failing them.

Kash Patel says he now has a lead that Savannah Guthrie's mom is being held at either the NCAA Final Four or the Masters golf tournament, plans to personally investigate.

The U.S. men's Olympic hockey team just put a curse on their gold medals that will last 1,000 years.

Epstein mural in Sydney, Australia

The Apostles of Mean Jesus are firmly in charge of the Republican Party.

Minnesota Republicans propose a law allowing any adult to challenge a little girl's eligibility for kids sports by forcing her to undergo an internal vaginal exam to prove her gender. What kind of sick fuck even has these ideas?

Olympic officials banned Ukrainian skeleton racer Vladyslav Heraskevych from competing over his intention to wear a “remembrance helmet” showing 24 Ukrainian athletes killed by Russia since Moscow launched its invasion in 2022.

“Because the reality is,” she said, “no one is coming to save us." That refrain of self-reliance I saw in Minneapolis during the federal siege mirrored the tenacious, humble, neighborly courage I’ve witnessed across Ukraine since Russia launched its full-scale war four years ago.

The Nobel Committee has shut down its prize for literature nominations, declaring there's "no way anybody beats this."

The khaki bros and bottle blondes of the ancient Middle East are turning over in their graves right now.

Noted public intellectual Laura Loomer presents the 2026 Republican platform in its entirety: "This isn't White enough for me."

The Lord works in mysterious ways, but mostly just obvious ones.

When your racism and your idiocy perfectly align, that when you know you've reached peak MAGA.

"If only we could be bigger dicks to 70 percent of the country, all our problems would be solved!"

A monument to an incompetent, genocidal loser seems a fitting tribute for the White House.

The Alpha Men are retreating, hoping to find more welcoming climes where 70-year-old women will fear them and there's no marching bands playing outside their hotel window.

With the "domestic terrorist" ruse exposed, ICE in Minneapolis gets even more unimaginative in covering up its brutality.

You'd think Trump would brag more often about his "Let's Make Nursing Homes Shittier" platform. This would be huge with the elderly Republican base.

We native-born Americans have mounted a commanding 24 percent lead over immigrants in the Welfare Standings.

According to internal data, the average ICE agent owes $20,000 in back child support to his ex-wife who's also his aunt, hasn't dated since 2019, and still brags to his buddies about the girl with cerebral palsy he punched out in the 6th grade.

The epic love story of a gold digger who marries an imbecile with a mammoth trust fund isn't playing with British audiences. Sad. Expect tariffs to rise by 50 percent before nightfall.

We've officially turned North Korea when a man-child dictator summons his ranking yes-men to feign interest in a shitty movie about the dictator's wife made by a closet pedophile.

"A lack of vocal, visible Democratic leadership nationwide has defined Trump’s war on America as much as ICE’s brazen executions of protesters and the federal propaganda machine that distorts and justifies each killing."

Go, Sweden. Nothing gets us to see the errors of our assholery like money.

Amy Klobuchar, the Midwest spokesmodel for timid corporate Democrats, will be the next governor of Minnesota. The consultant class is partying as we speak.

Lisa Demuth, disciple of Mean Jesus and speaker of the Minnesota House, gets outed for her hypocrisy on civil rights by her own daughter.

It's hard to believe Trump would give a shit if Denmark retaliated to his tariffs by cutting off our insulin supply. Unless Trump needs insulin. Then Denmark would be our best friend.

Rogue gangs of unlicensed plastic surgeons are attacking MAGA's biggest starlets. Why isn't the Lamestream Media covering this?

Norway beats our ass in every quality of life standard. This is the health care you get when your government isn't a corporate welfare agency.

Red Wooten's standoff with agents happened on Jan. 8, one day after an ICE agent shot and killed Renee Good in south Minneapolis. Written by David Pierini and Azhae’la Hanson from North News sahanjournal.com/news-partner...