Hell is other people… and not being able to brush your teeth.

I don't deny that dogs can sometimes be quite lovely but what I will say is I don't trust their opinions. If a cat recommended me an album it had bought, I'd totally check it out. If a dog did the same, I'd promise to listen to the album, out of politeness, with no intention of actually doing so

The only way to get better at something is to either make mistakes or get lucky; seeing as I don’t have luck on my side, my only choice is to quit.

Someone should write a book about the proletarian revolution of the Oompa Loompas

Just made a 360° from listening to Phillip Glass and Brian Eno while doing classwork to the Skyrim soundtrack.

And another thing: Why is he called Dr Do-Little?

Chicagoans are just migrated Long Islanders, whatever that means

In honor of #pizzamas + #NerdfArters I made some stuff!

Terrible time to live in. But what a good time for satire to flourish

In some black hole universe Peter Balkan is Jack Shephard from Lost

The entire conflict of Memento could’ve been resolved with a decent receptionist…

If Kodacolor is just rebranded colorplus I’m gonna be pissed.

Politics aside: whatever happened to Carole King’s cat?

Rome isn’t really burning so much as it’s getting shit on

dr pepper is the scientist actually. you're thinking of dr pepper's monster

Weak jobs report raises new concerns about Biden's economic policies.

It is, just a little bit funny, to immigrate to Saginaw, Michigan and think you’ve visited all of America…

*cracks knuckles* okay so you know how the media has a problem with taking snippets of scientific studies out of context and writing articles which mislead the public? now imagine a computer program is doing that when you ask it questions about scientific literature but also it makes stuff up.

Recap of this week so far, basically…

realistic Star Trek

When the Duolingo bird finally succumbs to oblivion, this is what will take its place.

Well, I'm not sure if EVERY city should be a 15 minute city, but yes I like those cities that appear shimmering on the desert horizon for 15 minutes before evaporating into the cruel hot sky.

How *do* you solve a problem like Maria?

If your “veggies” smell like your partner you might want to see a gynecologist.

“Condoms are for the Mormons” By Nick Cannon

Why risk your chance of getting skin cancer so people can say “Did you get a tan” And then move on with their lives?

Am currently getting stared off by a crazy guy in sunglasses on a NYC Subway, send help!

Isn’t it funny how after all these years-after toasters and microwaves-we still can’t collectively figure out what day the week starts on?

The term “not a penny to my name” gets more and more significant every year.

Wait, line goes down is bad!? We need to seriously rethink our political strategy!

I love Bluesky, but is nobody concerned that it’ll fall into the same Vine-shaped trap that Twitter did?

I think we should all start calling Elon Musk “the X Guy”.

No, John, that was a joke, I swear! C’mon man, look at my profile. It’s all satire.

I’m sorry, but how tf does @leavittalone.bsky.social post every hour of the day?

I love how Bluesky has a different type of dopamine hit.

Why does Mountain Dew think they can buy me with Aquaman and a catchy song!?

no mom i can’t really explain it i just don’t think the nazis were trans liberal socialists who wanted to destroy the world.

Why is every pizza chain pretending that they invented stuffed-crust pizza? It’s pissing me off!

All people deserve love, or at the very least, some mild, indifferent company.

Why have receding hairlines invaded the finance-bro industry!?

Just finished that biography about Humpty Dumpty by Robert Penn-Warren, am unimpressed.

Drake vs Kendrick? I’ve literally only ever heard of Duke Ellington and John Coltrane.

i just feel like stanley tucci should be fluent in italian by now

The worst type of rejection is a respectful one

Two for one salad dressing!?

I’ve gotten so used to seeing Star Wars text that I have no idea what this means.

Most things that are hard in life are not worth doing.

Getting really exited… looking at some cars.

Wait, Is PainQuil just Tylenol?