"someone shot Charlie Kirk." "who's that?" I love my wife

The Cracker Barrel CEO is destroying it from within in order to demoralize conservative communities and we should all support her in her mission 🫡

Shoutout to the former owner of my home who apparently has a gambling addiction but used an older ID so now I get weekly invitations in the mail from various casinos.

There must be more to life than having all 150 Pokemon

Folks should look up what a small change in average does to the tail end of a bell curve.

It is 1990. The Repub. administration says we have to invade Iraq. It is 2003. The Repub. administration says we have to invade Iraq. It is 2025. The Repub. Administration says we have to invade Iran.

Trump: "Some folks are born made to wave the flag, ooh the red white and blue. I like that. Let's put that song in." "Do you want to hear the rest of the song or...?" Trump: "I've heard enough"

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FOR TOO LONG CANADA HAS BEEN OVERCHARGING US FOR THEIR BOREAL FOREST OXYGEN. THIS IS WHY WE WILL STRIKE A DEAL WITH RUSSIA.

It’s plain for all to see 🤷‍♂️

Master and Commander/TNG Intro this was rendering all day while I was out lol

It's called the Padres 40-man roster

Does nobody know how to layer anymore?

taking my kids to the grocery store to hear "how bizarre" live

Why did they make this look like a b-movie vhs cover?

POV: You're 16 and just read Siddhartha.

I own the most popular bar in town. Everyone drinks there and we have the widest selection of alcohol. I just made the brewers and distillers pay me an extra $5 per bottle/keg unless they move their stills to my backyard. Everyone is mad at me and people stopped buying drinks. Business is not easy!

Don't worry, we're gonna start a war with Iran next.

Fox News and it’s viewers right now:

He's being reactionary. Nothing bad ever happened when the right did this kind of thing before. Pic unrelated.

4. Thinking Iraqis would take to the streets, waving their copies of Common Sense after Saddam was removed.

My neighbor told me Ukraine keep killing his North Koreans so I asked how many North Koreans he has and he said he just goes to Kim Jong Un and gets a new brigade afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding North Koreans to Ukraine and then his daughter started crying

I just used a bidet for the first time and, honestly, the water tastes no different.

Me when my phone starts buzzing and it's the Bomb Houthi Boys Groupchat

The geniuses at DOGE are bringing us insights like "I'm not really sure why the tax agency for a country of 330 million people has a larger staff than a midsize bank"

BREAKING: trump announces all of the "lesser" GEICO mascots will be deported to el salvador to align with his latest executive order. makes a point the gecko will not be affected. unclear if cavemen will be.

Yooo, 3 minute videos now? I can finally re-upload the #nafo memes in the way they were intended

Fellas please follow matthew. Thank you.

“One young man sobbed when a guard pushed him to the floor. He said, ‘I’m not a gang member. I’m gay. I’m a barber.’ I believed him. *** He “began to whimper,” as his head was roughly shaved, “folding his hands in prayer as his hair fell.” He “asked for his mother & cried as he was slapped again.”

Who is going to be his Medvedev?

Please don't make light of this. Tanks only resort to drinking canal water when they are in extreme distress.

Look, all I'm saying is that the last time an English speaking head of state attempted to assert absolute power over the legislative body, they ended up cutting his head off. Maybe conservatives should return to tradition.

The children yearn for the mines

It's like he wants more Luigis

Vapes of the world

New patch. Feel free to use online. Patches can be got from Nina on Xhitter (see my pinned post there).

United Flight 93 but the out the other passengers yell to sit down and fasten their belts.

One wonders if 60-70 years from now we will look back on anti trans sentiment the way we look at those opposed to desegregation and wonder how anyone could feel this way.

You wouldn't post on Truth Social, wtf are you still doing on X?