fuck Trae Young

Found the dorks

currently doing trivia in a Wisconsin gay bar with my girlfriend while my wife and her girlfriend are at a standup show in an abandoned Autozone in DC in case you needed a new poly tweet to hate on, here ya go

“Free roam mode is for children” according to a whole bunch of nerds who have never seen their very stoned wife try to drive up DK Spaceport as a cow

@bubbaprog.lol hey quick question do you know where someone can find the Katie Ledecky “Smooth” edit somewhere

@kyleconrad.bsky.social hey let me know if you can bring back thisweeksplaylist someday okay thanks

Met a guy from the apps at a bar, we had nothing in common except both of us were friends with the same person, so we FaceTimed him in for the next half hour

(replying) Hey man your post should've been different. You should've used a different word or possibly expressed a totally different idea entirely. Preferably the one I would've used

probably accurate but fuck it we're freerollin anyway

play this at 11:59:48 youtu.be/aFh08JEKDYk?...

don’t drive drunk but definitely don’t drive drunk on NYE you’re 100x more likely to hit a checkpoint and go to jail and you’ll deserve it too

The guy wearing the “Himbo Hooters” tank at the dungeon tonight is to be thanked for bringing me back spiritually to Weird Twitter

going into 2025 with this energy

Can check

TREBEK: According to the lyrics of rapper Lil Ten Five Lb Labey, your nose bridge will be snapping and your cranium will be cracking when you let her drop 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 bowling ball sized snack on your face. CONTESTANT:

if there is one problem with Bluesky as “left-wing bubble,” it’s that a lot of people who came here viewed the move as direct political action, and those people are prone to thinking posting is direct political action, too.

previously unseen heights in "men will start a substack rather than go to therapy"

“hi i think my hookah is on fire” is a thing I just said to my bartender, in case you’re wondering how my work trip to Richmond is going

so, okay, the reason I’m against the cheerleading of the United CEO getting got is the same reason I’m not an accelerationist revolutions are messy and even if you win, you’re gonna crack a few eggs to make your omelette as a soft queer who’s never fired a gun I’m a gd egg and you prob are too

San Juan, PR (x2) Oranjestad, Aruba Willemstad, Curacao Fort-de-France, Martinique Basseterre, St. Kitts Denver, CO New York, NY (x2) San Francisco, CA Rehoboth Beach, DE Darlington, MD (x2) East Meadow, NY Richmond, VA (x3) Amsterdam, Netherlands Orlando, FL Lawrence, KS Beacon, NY Radford, VA

sigh

Ah, sure. - CFB: I hope both teams have fun out there and do bonkers shit - Non-CFB: Spirit, Nats, NY Rangers, Ajax, AFC Wimbledon - BBQ: Korean; also half-smokes - Mayo: nah

Whoever was tracking Maine Brewing draft lines outside New England, there’s a keg of Dinner on tap at Boundary Stone in DC

Nottingham Forest's baby blue change kit is actually solid

we zijn ZO terug

Holy shit, Steph

Mike Tirico, Kelly Clarkson, and Peyton Manning: worst commentary or worst blunt rotation

Exceptional shoutout to the guy in the Uruguay MNT jersey at the game they’re playing in Miami right now who painted his entire bald head bright yellow so he could be the sun in the country’s flag, scream-singing along to their national anthem while holding a Michelob Ultra

Your new American hero is Jomboy Media personality Aaron Jones, let’s all get heavily the fuck into cricket for the next two weeks

Funemployment Day 10: the only thing worse than sleeping with a nasal cannula is driving through Seven Corners

Funemployment Day 7: took a "you must construct additional pylons"-ass yoga class

Funemployment Day 6: i played just so much Balatro

Funemployment Day 5: bad at disc golf, bad at going to the bathroom when goals get scored during a Spirit match

Bringing this debate to Bluesky: if Joey Chestnut raced Usain Bolt in the 100m dash but they couldn’t start running until they had devoured an entire hot dog, who would win?

Funemployment Day 4: tried to mow the lawn, succeeded

Funemployment Day 3: tried to mow the lawn, failed

Funemployment Day 2: got fingerprinted and visited a new metro station and found out my new upstairs neighbors are best friends with my old darts teammates

i've never signed up for anything faster

Officially taking suggestions on what to do with TWO MONTHS of funemployment

Funemployment Day 1: the cat is too fat so I took her to the vet Vet says: she sure is fat! That’ll be $300

@caseym.org drinking a Jardiance-themed beer rn

this team will never lose again

Got home at 3:15am, still made it to the 1pm Spirit match, my willingness to open wide for some soccer is unimpeachable

Officially taking suggestions on what to do with TWO MONTHS of funemployment

Ain’t got a job this week, ain’t got an alma mater I’m proud of, still here for #charitibundibowl @hollyanderson.bsky.social @edsbs.bsky.social

The Oakland dad behind us begged me to go home and “tell the politicians to save the A’s” Buddy, they don’t even let us make our own laws, but sure I’ll try

Currently listening to two drunk Jewish girls on a date(?) explain Gaza to each other help

Pretty okay Sunday night.

it’s Easter Sunday WoSo!