Can @gavinnewsom.bsky.social start renaming California's landfills, water treatment facilities, etc., after the Trump family? Get people to donate money for fancy brass signs for the D.J. Drowsy Trump Institute for Staying Lucid at Daytime Meetings and Hazardous Waste Disposal Center?

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar.

Spitballing a detective series about a chronically-online frenemy duo. Working title Shitpost and Mid. @fairygodmegan.bsky.social can you please send current headshots?

"What do you think? Because you said befire you didn'tlike it, but you came back for seconds." The half-eaten chicken cordon bleu popper sank in my mouth. All sense of taste and time was gone. No longer able to talk people into interviews, Isaac Chotiner now works in my Costco, and I am cooked.

Barron Trump looks like the funeral director's son who is forbidden to talk, just supposed to nod somberly and look down.

It's not widely known that Jesus Horatio Christ adopted the middle initial after SAG told him the name was already taken.

#Elon'sBookClub Our November, 2025 selection is "Men Are From Mars, and That’s Why I’m Never Fucking Going to Venus" by John Gray.

I was prepared for rebuke from Joyce Carol Hall. Alas, that is not what I encountered.

"Karoline, the President has seemed utterly exhausted lately --" "Yeah, he's exhausted from tapping your Mom's ass." How long did you consider whether I made that up or not?

It is staggering to consider how much music, even recently, can be condensed to "You would not believe how hot this underage girl was."

When I voted last year, I felt pretty excited and hopeful, because I hadn't learned from 2016 and clocked how things would go. Today when I voted, I just felt angry afterward, like fuck all these people for what they've done with our country.

I think the Brendan Fraser reboot of "The Toy" looks pretty good.

@erikloomis.bsky.social this is relevant to your interests: www.reddit.com/r/newjersey/...

Something a lot of farmers and ranchers should keep in mind about Make America Great Again: South is a kind of America, too, so go easy with this "breaking your word" talk. I mean, unless you'd like us to discover that your community has a horrible problem only ICE can fix.

When I am elected president, I promise to be so petty I will camp my motorcade wherever Trump is so he cannot travel.

Has Arc de Dr'umph already been taken?

Big Pharma can't fool me. Skyrizi isn't trademarkable, because the name was stolen from the most photogenic birds on Earth.

BREAKING: Exclusive footage from investigation of Nazified American flag in Congressional office.

@fairygodmegan.bsky.social Look, I'm not saying you have to. I'm just saying ... three-day weekend.

If I were Jay Jones: "First off, this was just locker room talk, and by the Law of Access Hollywood, cannot be used against me." "Second, I make this promise to Virginia: if a time traveling lunatic traps me in a room with two mass murderers and a gutless Republican shitheel, I won't kill anyone."

Hey @faineg.bsky.social do you remember Ricochet modems from the late '90s? No reason to bring them up.

Happy now, @fairygodmegan.bsky.social ?

Drunk Television Host Lectures Career Professionals on Merit

Portland should mass-produce big signs that read "Welcome, Street Cleaners!" And have people cheer for the troops.

I was skeptical, but man -- it's like you're looking at Gaza. I guess Ol' Lumpypants has a point. katu.com/weather/came...

Such a lovely performance by @ronsexsmith.bsky.social tonight at Jammin' Java in Viienna, Va. I am so glad I got to see it.

There is a lot -- a lot -- that has me down. But next Wednesday I get to see @ronsexsmith.bsky.social at Jammin' Java in Vienna, Virginia. I'm going to have at least one good day, by God.

Hey, when was the first diagnosed case of autism? 1940s? Wow. Cool, cool. Hey, when was Tylenol introduced? 1955? Wow. Cool, cool. Why do I ask? No reason.

We should stop making Bond movies unless they completely reinvent and deconstruct the character. He's not only a product of another time, the current global shitshow makes classic Bond stories of "guy kills the 'right' people to achieve peace" *extremely* difficult to enjoy, just like w/ cop shows.

“Of course, the secretary thinks that women should have the right to vote,” Pentagon Press Secretary Kingsley Wilson told reporters on Thursday. <"Right now, that is. Our Founders left a way to correct woke errors of the past, in the form of amendments," he added.> edition.cnn.com/2025/08/15/p...

Blend the title of a movie and a TV show, and improve them both. Antiques Roadhouse

Learning to make pierogies for the sole purpose of telling Dershowitz to go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Go take a flying fuck at the moon!

Studying the end of apartheid, I was looking through ANC archives and found a tape of an argument between Nelson Mandela and government negotiators. "President Botha would have never-" "-de Klerk would. You taste P.W. Botha deez nutz in your mouth?" It was my greatest find as a false historian.

I appeared on CBS News to discuss DOJ’s outreach to Ghislaine Maxwell regarding Jeffrey Epstein. Q: Can she be trusted? A: In my training & experience as a criminal defense attorney for over 30 years and a former federal prosecutor, cooperating witnesses should be treated like nuclear waste.

"You do these as groups? I thought these were phone polls." "Once again, please tell us, do you or do you not support President Trump and his policies."

If Donald Trump's uncle knew before his 1985 death that he had taught the Unabomber, then Donald Trump knew the Unabomber's identity for at least 10 years before he was captured. Why didn't you give us a heads-up, dickhead? Kaczynski killed three people and injured many more in that time.

5 things I can see: blood 4 things I can hear: blood 3 things I can touch: blood 2 things I can smell: blood 1 thing I can taste: blood & 1 thing I'm grateful for: this moment and all it has to offer ✨

Pretty amazing that a former president will sit quietly as one of his successors orders US troops into American cities and ships innocent people off to concentration camps—but feels compelled to speak up when a fellow HR nightmare is at risk of losing to another member of the same party.

Has "Nobody Messes With the Zohran" not come up once in the NYC Mayor primary?

Tulsi Gabbard looks like Rogue touched an absolute fucking lunkhead and never let the powers go.

hey so stand by for news @garnethenderson.com and I appear to have scooped the New York Times

They say you shouldn't shit where you eat, but here at ToiletSnax™, we do things a little differently.

Hey, I haven't heard anything about the Big Beautiful Border Wall in a while. Any notes on its progress? Have they moved on? I thought they were going to Finish The Wall.

I don't even want (or aspire to, I guess) a date outside the house anymore. I want three hours where I can lock my children in a comfortable dungeon and watch Sinners with my wife and eat a nice meal without threatening someone's college fund if they don't stop fucking bickering over inane bullshit.

Interesting that Elon's essentially saying "I knew that Donald Trump was a pedophile, but it wasn't advantageous for me to expose the truth."

Donald Trump has never heard of Cameo, I can surmise, as he is not currently selling $1 million bespoke videos on Truth Social.

I found a fentanylla cigarette on the ground, and I flushed it down the toilet immediately. I felt good knowing I had just saved 3,000+ people's lives, but then I cried because I realized that I probably just killed the Chesapeake Bay. I won't fight when they come to arrest me.

Disappeared Not Deported