The barista said “You wanted a large cappuccino?” and I said yes even though a large cappuccino does not exist, you have made something else at that size. But I said yes, I said yes, because that is how much I want the best for everyone, the most success, the most confidence, the most yes —

It’s been so long since my father was last at Abbott Northwestern that my Panera points are expiring, hallelujah, keep it up!

It’s…so good! Sorry Adam.

This morning Eric said “We both could use a shower” instead of “You stink” and that’s a top marriage tip.

I brought three blank envelopes of my book on vacation and got three orders. Wouldn’t it be magic if I guessed right how many books to bring? But it also would be magic if I got a lot of book orders. I don’t know which way to cross my fingers.

Every time I look at the hard level @nytgames.bsky.social “Pips” I get scared and throw my phone out the window.

Thank you to the healthcare profesional who saw us leave the parking garage and could tell my 83 year old father and I were not trying to go to the Mother & Child Center.

Wordle 1,640 6/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟨⬜🟨🟨⬜ 🟩🟩⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 It makes me wonder if anyone has ever used 20 wrong letters and then gotten the Wordle! Have I? I don’t recall.

“Are you a highly organized and detail-oriented professional with a passion for accuracy?” A passion? Really?

Someone asked me today if it really gets this cold in Minnesota like we weren’t both standing there in Minnesota this cold.

See us this Sunday at 7:30pm! It will be fun, swear on my smokey eye look.

When a Minnesotan dies they leave behind a secret document that says how they really felt.

I went to a roundtable discussion but one hearing aid battery died. I had to decide if the people to my left or my right were more interesting.

Just need to read three more horrible things then I can get a good night’s sleep

Me & the wife don't bother with Xmas/birthday presents for each other, instead we wrap random things from around the house for the kids to give us. Best presents so far have been a single flip-flop and a remote for a TV we don't own. Makes life so much easier.

Late Sunday night a mosque and school in Prior Lake MN caught on fire. It seems the building is a complete loss. Cause unknown. Here is a place to donate: www.launchgood.com/v4/campaign/...

Amazon sent me an email with the subject line “What to read after ‘English for Everyone - Level 1...’” You will never guess. You will never guess what they recommend I read after English for Everyone - Level 1.

NEW: www.theatlantic.com/national-sec...

Asian-American Actresses Describe Struggle Of Constantly Being Typecast As Sherlock Holmes

I want to make a video game that is just a series of the slowest walking NPCs and they all say “Follow me”

The “don’t erase history” crowd will surely put a stop to this.

🗽Give us your killers, leeches and entitlement junkies, yearning to be free. 🗽

What in the Sean P. Barbabella is going on here?!

If you’re lonely and you worry no one is thinking of you — make an appointment with Uptown Dental. Just wait for the aggressive confirmation schedule.

When I was young we didn’t have AI, only ASCII. =^..^=

CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1965: 20-1 CEO-to-worker pay ratio in 1990: 75-1 CEO-to-worker pay ratio today: 280-to-1 Trickle-down economics was always a sham. Nothing has ever trickled down.

I wonder who was the first bigot? Was there someone in a cave hating on people in other caves billions of years ago?

Photos from St. Paul today captured by MPR photojournalist Kerem Yücel. He filed them even after being hospitalized after being injured by a less lethal munition.

If immigrants are taking American jobs can someone come work a register at this Five Below? We’re all struggling with this self-check thx

Gramma was born the year Grover Cleveland was elected.

Wow, I got rejected from a job I applied for in July and forgot all about. I guess it’s nice that they reached out but yeah, I know you “went a different direction.” You can’t break up with me, I didn’t know we were dating!

Thank you to every professional hairstylist and barber in the world for refusing to cut Elon Musk’s hair. Hold the line!

borbs!! #art #illustration

Every obituary I’ve seen has used a different picture capturing the artist fully engulfed in life-changing world-shaking musical creation.

Jimmy Cliff, the charismatic reggae pioneer and actor who preached defiance, joy and endurance in such classics as "Many Rivers to Cross," "You Can Get it If You Really Want" and "Vietnam," and starred in the landmark movie "The Harder They Come," has died at 81.

Trans people are disproportionately targeted by the carceral system: 1 in 6 trans people have been incarcerated at some point, including nearly half of Black trans people. #TransgenderAwarenessWeek

I want to talk to everyone on this #6 bus about the route going away but it’s 6:45am on a Saturday, stranger chats are not the vibe.

Uh oh, I’m trying to raise $185 but so far I only raised $18. give.mn/nxjrtf

I’m trying to raise $185 for Strike Theater in one day although nothing of the sort has ever been accomplished before. give.mn/avt72g

Research by the University of Minnesota's Mapping Prejudice Project has uncovered hundreds of racist property deeds in Sherburne County. Nearly all the properties were clustered around lakes, and 90 percent were added after 1948. Racial covenants became illegal in Minnesota in 1953.

Oh no someone asked me what I was thinking about and I was honest and told them I was trying to think of three syllable words, maybe that’s weird.

Fingernails are so funny. After all these millennia of evolution we are still trying to grow fearsome claws? Give it up, sweetie!

My dad called me at 1:21pm because I wasn’t there to pick him up at 1:20pm. You can hear in the voicemail when he notices I’m right fucking there, ha ha. Anxiety disorders are great, everyone should get one.

If even one man would come forward and say, yes, I was on Epstein's island and this is what I saw. Can you imagine? Even one sack of shit having half a vertebrae?

Wow this is blowing up, please visit twincitiesimprov.com to find out improv shows in and around Minneapolis & St Paul

The update to Fallout 4 borked everything for me. Please pray for these settlers in their underwear with no walls on their homes as Eric reinstalls all the mods.

This is how all time should be measured.

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage