POV: You’re crying for Barney Gumble

@davidbcooper.bsky.social Your work has inspired me

Who wore it best?

BMW Tail Lights be like #Halo

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check

Nostalgia is the longing for a time when the world could have been anything before it became the thing it is.

The Devil never lies, but he will hold you to your word.

@themountaingoats.bsky.social ‪The best ever death metal band out of Denton never settled on a name.‬ ‪But the top three contenders after weeks of debate were Satans Fingers, and the Killers, and Layers of Uninterrupted Bat Death‬

wife: I invited Jerry to your birthday dinner. I hope that's okay. me: I Survived a Saw Trap Jerry? wife: he doesn't like to be called that me: tell him to get a second story then

Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High https://theonion.com/everyone-involved-in-pizzas-preparation-delivery-purc-1819564897/

All power is inherently religious. If someone pulls a gun on you and asks for your wallet, whether or not he gets your wallet depends very leas on whether or not it the gun is loaded than the communal belief in the gun as an object of power.

*slaps bow* see those arms, genuine Ibex horn. You can shoot through ups to 12 Axe heads with this puppy.

This is seriously one of the best things the Onion ever did, and more people need to experience it.

“President Trump…is a dictator” -The New York Post

Trump Supporter: If anyone threatens my children I’m going Cersei on their ass. Me: Bitch, did you even watch the show?

Island nations are the only countries that actually look like their picture

I don’t care if the odds of surviving a car crash are better, I’m just going to go ahead and not have sex with any Canadians

I just realized something Anya is literally Ellen Ripley + Wendy Torrence

When Liberals see Leopards eating the faces off the people who voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party

When you switch from X to Bluesky

I made a gingerbread panopticon

I think the fact that we haven’t lost a Simpson yet is the only glue keeping our fragile civilization together. The second Julie Kavner, Yeardly Smith, Nancy Cartwright, or god forbid Dan Castellanata dies it’s all over for us.

Liberals fantasize about being taken to the camps just so they can say “Well so much for small government. *hyuck!*”

📥 No cap, I thought this emoji was Stan Marsh

Democrats chose genocide over your right. Never let anyone forget that.

Israel is committing genocide against the Palestinian people

Bear Grylls Bear Grills

If you’re playing Skyrim on an Xbox 360, and you pause the game to get up and do something and when you get back you try to unpause it with the Apple TV remote, you might be an elder millennial.

U makes a difference.

Jesus loves the little buildings All the buildings of the world They are concrete glass and steel Jesus loves em all, for real! Jesus loves the little buildings of the world.