I thought of my favorite novel, Nabokov’s “Pale Fire,” but decided that a book featuring an unreliable narrator who wildly misinterprets a poem as proof that he’s king would be more appropriate for someone else to swear in on.

I looked up the lyrics to Armani White’s “Billie Eilish,” to see what the lyrics say about her. It turns out the tune has nothing to do with Billie Eilish, her name just rhymes well with “bitch I’m stylish,” and that is how all words should be chosen.

Off-topic but why does the WH repeatedly call them “kinetic strikes?” Is there some worse phrase they’re avoiding? Like “Hellfire Missile?” You would think the base would love Hellfire Missiles.

To the people who think the NYT is afraid to get political, twice in the past couple weeks their crossword puzzle has defined “tariff” as a tax. And twice I have been forced to recall whether it’s two “r”s or two “f”s.

People always bitch that NYT headlines are too tame and fail to call out Trump. If you’re one of those people, what headline would you give this article? Serious question. Also, gift link: www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...

Upon further investigation, I’m beginning to suspect there are no “originals” to sell. Still, if you can get $29 for printing AI art on wood, that’s a pretty good hustle.

I know this is satire but indictmenting *is* hard and Lindsey Halligan got glass cliffed bigly. No pity — that’s what happens when you hang out with the glass people.

This guy sell what looks a lot like AI art for $2500 (“the original”) or $29 a print and once again I AM IN THE WRONG BUSINESS.

Remind me of all the times Paul opposed Trump when his vote mattered. Paul sees the political winds shifting & decides to play libertarian. Thanks to his brave words, Collins’s concerns & Murkowski’s reservations, I sleep peacefully, knowing our democracy is safe.

It was because Maxwell was on trial, and later appealed her conviction, that they couldn’t release the files. I forgot that.

If it’s true there are damning photos of Trump in the Epstein files, why didn’t Biden release the files? newrepublic.com/post/202813/...

I started to ask Google a question today when these suggested searches came up. And now I need to know — is “why women kill” really in the top 5 or was that a suggestion tailored for me? (faster, pussycat!)

When (if) Trump moves out of the White House, I suggest they we throw the biggest drag ball in the history of drag balls. Then burn it to the ground or turn it into a museum of “Never Again.” This is my radical left dream — fabulousness followed by property damage or education.

Chicago ICE Raids By The Numbers https://theonion.com/chicago-ice-raids-by-the-numbers/

Spoiler: it’s AI, and it didn’t just kill Pinterest. @samdoesarts.bsky.social youtu.be/PR73xDbB24c

The bus is here.

“Kavannaugh Stop,” sure. But “guess-stop” has a ring to it.

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

It sounds like the left is desperately trying to put the blame for Kirk’s killing on the right, it’s because we are. We know that right-wing violence is tolerated, while left-wing violence can be an excuse for civil war.

He went out repeating one of his most famous racist dog whistles. Let’s all remember him for that.

Just as convergent evolution turns everything into a crab, so too will convergent culinary evolution turn all meals into rice bowls. Perfectly distributed sauce, no need for a knife and a few sprigs of fresh cilantro. Welcome to the future.

I’m betting Charlie Kirk’s killer is MAGA trying to start a civil war because no one on the left thinks Kirk was important enough to assassinate.

Obviously, violence is not the answer, etc., especially when the other side is better armed. But Charlie Kirk was a professionally nasty person and I’m not sad he’s dead. Anyway, this scene from Full Metal Jacket keeps running through my head: youtu.be/liusEeP1QcE

this is a realllllllly fascinating idea (visited their garage & have seen these dry vegetation munching dragons at work)

We need a good noun/verb to describe people who protect pedophiles. Perhaps “pedopal?” As in, “MTG is pretending to care about the Epstein files now, so she can pedopal for Trump later.”

What if we give Trump something he wants, say a golfing trophy or a sparsely-populated, mineral-rich nation? If he doesn’t show up to claim it, we’ll know for certain something stroke-level serious had happened. Foolproof.

New tattoo inspo just dropped.

I present this short clip, from the movie “Adventureland,” proving there is only one song that should be playing in the background when spunky rebels are being chased by bullies, and it is Judas Priest’s “Breaking the Law.” Behold: youtu.be/4zGBbEPq92Q?...

Really the simplest way to get the Epstein files released is to somehow get them to Hegseth

@edwardluce.bsky.social More information about Sweden’s performance during COVID.

I love you, McSweeney’s, for making me chortle at the end of a long day.

Idea: Democrats propose appointing a Special Counsel to investigate Epstein’s ties to BOTH Bill Clinton and Donald Trump. I’d like to see the GOP explain to their base why they would turn that offer down.

In a 2002 magazine article Trump said he 1) was friends with Epstein for 20 years; 2) partied with Epstein; and 3) knew Epstein liked girls “on the younger side.” The DA who gave Epstein a sweetheart deal and called his victims sex workers, Alexander Acosta, was Secretary of Labor for Trump 1.0.

I wrote a list of things AI can’t do for @mcsweeneys.net #ai @scifri.bsky.social @science.org @standupforscience.bsky.social @thedailyshow.com @elonjet.net @openaidalle.bsky.social www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/art...

I learned a new phrase today — “goat rope.” One of its synonyms is “clusterfuck.” Seems to be an accurate assessment of the situation. en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/goat_rope

The Iranian regime are misogynist thugs who disappear political foes without due process so I don’t get Trump’s beef with them

I don’t care if it’s a mouthful, from now on, it’s The Giant Plagiarism machine. It is the “machine that runs the entirety of human imagination through a shredder and glues together what comes out.”

$auronCoin If DogeCoin can be a thing, $auronCoin can be a thing. And I will buy it. Anyway, love you @mcsweeneys.net

Thanks but no thanks, Pharaoh. Jews don’t need this kind of “protection.” www.lawfaremedia.org/article/the-...

No wait they haven’t. bsky.app/profile/atru...

ICYMI Trump 1.0: Kushner got $1.1B from the Qataris to save 666 5th Avenue and Qatar got the blockade on it lifted: www.justsecurity.org/69094/timeli...

Outside, a marching band is inexplicably, gloriously playing “Push It” and I am reminded of this turn-of-the-century masterpiece: m.youtube.com/watch?v=AGwi...

I mean, the last time the Trump family got money from the Qataris that was extortion, so we can’t just assume this is bribery.

The Venn Diagram of people who don’t think Qatari plane is bribery and people who read the New York Times are two completely separate circles. Never the twain shall meet.

If the NYT called it “corruption” without actual evidence of corruption, then the NYT would be as biased and inaccurate as MAGA says it is. They told you the facts. Do you really need them to also shout the obvious conclusion at you?

Oh, it turns out they have heard of it. www.nytimes.com/2025/05/09/u...

Tech companies are the drug dealers our parents warned us about Google 1998: here are some better search results and a few unobtrusive ads. Google 2025: here is the inaccurate AI answer, some questions you didn’t ask, and our yelp-like review. Oh, the actual web site? Keep scrolling.

“I may have committed some light treason.”

I watched Strange Darling last night and loved it. Officially, serial killer horror movie. Unofficially, fucked up as hell. Weird, dark, funny, unexpected. Amazing actors. #horrorsky #thrillersky letterboxd.com/film/strange...

I always thought that Trump Derangement Syndrome meant that someone harbored the delusion that Trump was fit to be president. Still do.