What if It Happens on my birthday Bitch better not steal the attention away from me, wait a few days

good night

I wonder if any of my ex-boyfriends are on here If they are, no they aren't

In the '90s we had multiple desserts with the name "Death by Chocolate" and I guess we all died from it since you never see that anymore. Not a terrible way to go, tbh

I wonder if any of my ex-boyfriends are on here If they are, no they aren't

vodka sexpert *hits post*

Is putting your foot in your mouth a fetish? Like, metaphorically or literally, whatever

how do two teams who have never had ice on their sidewalks make it to the stanley cup finals? messed up IMO

THREAD Senior Labour MP Emily Thornberry, chair of the foreign affairs select committee, tore into Starmer government last night on Palestine. "We knew and we have to remember that recognition was only the first step. Where is the second step, where is the tenth step, what are we doing?

not many people know this, but the name Eugene is short for Eugenicist

My bday is this week & it's going to be Too Hot Thankfully bars are air conditioned 🥂

I've been a bad, bad girl

Happy Birthday to all of my LGBTQ+ friends, future friends, acquaintances, and, hell, even enemies

Listening to Fiona Apple, feeling smart, AMA

I found my 4th grade class photo & 10 year old me had written “racist dog” above one girl’s picture Fuck you, Alyssa

Listening to Fiona Apple, feeling smart, AMA

In the '90s we had multiple desserts with the name "Death by Chocolate" and I guess we all died from it since you never see that anymore. Not a terrible way to go, tbh

Happy Birthday to all of my LGBTQ+ friends, future friends, acquaintances, and, hell, even enemies

I'm more of a "burgle gurgle"

time for a nightcap* *wild berry flavored tums extra strength

I'm more of a "burgle gurgle"

Straight folks can and do enjoy eating glue and they’re still straight because eating glue is inherently queer

I should not have to know this much about any man from Maine

Some of you on here

Me, talking about what I did today:

that's why a flared base is so important

Oops I did it again (two pairs) In my defense, it's my birthday next week, it's only polite to give myself gifts

good night sleep tight take your meds fuck the feds

Check out these rubenesque horses from a hotel lobby, they look like they’d be the life of the party honestly, if they were alive

Alcohol is expensive & getting alcohol for kids is even more expensive because of all the fines

Yeah I got that drip Post nasal drip

Ladies should say nice things to other ladies, pass it on

When I was little there was a big weeping willow tree on my street & I was terrified of it. I was convinced the branches were gonna scoop me up and swallow me whole. One day I got brave & went up to it...and it swallowed me, I've been inside the tree ever since, it's pretty nice in here actually

I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, but I love it My dentist: please stop singing, you’re drooling everywhere

RETVRN

Dracula has a question about some new slang he heard. "Okay, I'll bite: what's-" His friends interrupt him & say, "yeah we know"

Check out these rubenesque horses from a hotel lobby, they look like they’d be the life of the party honestly, if they were alive

Germans make really delicious chocolate bars it's a shame about the rest of their food

Intro to Linguistics I was a History major, originally an English minor (switched to Philosophy) & this class was required for English majors & minors. I learned a ton & loved it. Also my professor was a white lady in her 60s who *adored* Allen Iverson. She wore his jersey to class sometimes.

Intro to Linguistics I was a History major, originally an English minor (switched to Philosophy) & this class was required for English majors & minors. I learned a ton & loved it. Also my professor was a white lady in her 60s who *adored* Allen Iverson. She wore his jersey to class sometimes.

Breaking bsky news: Most people prefer to shoot the shit with likeminded people, which is apparently shocking to some.

Breaking bsky news: Most people prefer to shoot the shit with likeminded people, which is apparently shocking to some.

Yeah, you should “block” me (give me a block of yummy cheese)

Protest against touchscreen tyranny

RETVRN

Quote with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap.

Listening to "Manic Monday" by the Bangles on a Tuesday to throw off the space-time continuum