(chuck schumer pulls of rubber mask to reveal he's andrew cuomo) I FUCKING KNEW IT

Geo Prism? Nah, a Demo Schism

starting a new delivery-only restaurant called Munch House by Proxy

Saw a kid texting while riding his bike & I’m not sure whether to be concerned or impressed

had a busy weekend and now I have no idea what everyone's talking about I'll keep pretending though

"I'm sorry I'm such a difficult person to play Monopoly with" - me, today

someone, somewhere, is MAD on the INTERNET

5:10pm: made plans with a friend (my idea) 6:56pm: plans cancelled (my idea)

someone, somewhere, is MAD on the INTERNET

Gut Shabbos and Shabbat Shalom especially to everyone who understands, now more than ever, that Jewish safety will not come from spreading Islamophobia and othering other communities.

I 100% agree that NYC isn't a replicative environment to be transposed onto the national stage but I do seriously hope that in the coming weeks and months people actually grapple with how a Muslim nominee was besieged by people in his own party and out on the basis of being Muslim and nothing else.

10 likes & I do something to get kicked out of this bar

DMs are for slippin & slidin

I need more books to read/subjects to read about. Please recommend some interesting niche nonfiction for me to read. Thank you. your reward: knowing that you enriched my life

fuck yeah!!!! congrats to the mayor-elect, and to the greatest city in the world (please do not tell Philly I said that, remember: snitches get stitches)

fuck yeah!!!! congrats to the mayor-elect, and to the greatest city in the world (please do not tell Philly I said that, remember: snitches get stitches)

wait, was I supposed to vote today?

they're absolutely right and it's a damn shame

Here we go again

it's time to fall back! *gets a concussion*

sometimes, not often, I wish I watched star trek

they're absolutely right and it's a damn shame

Been kinda depressed & haven’t been making jokes Here’s hoping I only feel better enough to make good jokes but not so good that I make terrible jokes

I need more books to read/subjects to read about. Please recommend some interesting niche nonfiction for me to read. Thank you. your reward: knowing that you enriched my life

had a busy weekend and now I have no idea what everyone's talking about I'll keep pretending though

it's time to fall back! *gets a concussion*

I love when men tell me my own personal experience is incorrect, it’s a total turn-on

Happy Halloween everyone! My costume for today is being a responsible adult.

I love when men tell me my own personal experience is incorrect, it’s a total turn-on

Happy Halloween everyone! My costume for today is being a responsible adult.

100%. not only should SNAP just be money but SSI and SSDI should actually be a fucking useful amount

🎢 find mew

googling "mental breakdown signs and symptoms"

we need another billionaire undersea implosion to keep our spirits up

my friend Grace is the woman who stood up to the guy in the Nazi SS uniform in those viral videos youve probably seen- he broke her nose with a beer stein - please share & donate and give her a hand with medical expenses, recovery and potential expenses gofund.me/72cb1a415

Back in the news

Been kinda depressed & haven’t been making jokes Here’s hoping I only feel better enough to make good jokes but not so good that I make terrible jokes

Went to the bar with a friend & mid-drink I realize I forgot to eat dinner I’m too old to be doing this shit

being a grown up is stupid

how come there are lots (many more than there used to be) of hidden replies for no apparent reason on random posts now?

I was in line at the pharmacy today and an elderly lady got in line behind me. She loudly asked me, "do you know which is the best laxative?" I said I don't know, sorry. She waked away but it was too late, everyone in line already knew she was full of shit.

how come there are lots (many more than there used to be) of hidden replies for no apparent reason on random posts now?

did that guy from that 80s song really die in someone's arms that night from something she said

gotta love people like Matty doing the "joke's on them, I was only pretending [to be an idiot]" bit because there is no goddamn way they seriously can't tell

dishes in the sink + depression = ordering a pizza I am Good at Math

I had pancakes for dinner and my day-long headache went away. Coincidence?