*sitting down in front of the game with an Italian hoagie* Phils, don’t embarrass me in front of the hoags

Brewery announced on speaker that all children must stay within 6’ of parents, and I clapped after the announcement Was not very popular with the parent crew

They just played the Macarena at the Sixers, and you could just see all the elder millennials and above activate and rise up. It was so beautiful

Love that Trump stayed on brand by making sure that the first two cabinet members he fired were the women, it’s nice to have consistency in these uncertain times

I’ve seen this somewhere

Finished painting my small old Philly rowhouse bathroom with too many nooks and crannies! Several unreasonable body contortions and OSHA violations (one foot on the tub, one on the sink anyone?) later, I’m going to be having Advil for meals

*two men on top of each other on 2nd base (😏) with one man’s hand on the other’s thigh* John Kruk: “A lot going on down there!”

My mental health lies in the hands of this 22 year old

So this Painter kid looks pretty good - dads across the Delaware valley

My 5 remaining braincells trying to form a coherent thought

So this Painter kid looks pretty good - dads across the Delaware valley

happy trans day of revenge to all who celebrate, I love trans people and fuck you if you don’t girlslivingoutsidesocietysshit.bandcamp.com/album/trans-...

(•_•) <) )╯position / \ \(•_•) ( (> player / \ (•_•) <) )> pitching / \

Is this a good baseball score for the Phillies

I really feel like I could fix Bryce by feeding him, like, a few Fountain Porter burgers, a beer, and a cannoli. His body yearns for the south Philly diet, and you can tell

I got 99 problems, and Taijuan Walker is all of them

You remove the positive Harry the K’s energy, and you replace with it with a trashy energy drink, and this is the team you get 🤷🏻‍♀️

At least we can rely on our bats to — *vigorously taps earpiece* Issuing a correction to my earlier statement, we cannot rely on our bats to get us out of this

*circus music intensifies*

Dawg I just sat down with my dinner for the game

Phillies looked like shit today, but at least I didn’t 💁🏻‍♀️

I like this design: it tells the story of how Kyle Schwarber hit a monster dinger and cracked the liberty bell

Tried to get him to aim for my skull if this is how the Phillies are going to hit

All of these people are cops

Finally getting boobs on US currency

Happy Friday Here's famous dipshit Trevor Bauer getting domed by a 100 mph line drive

No Phillies baseball today. Life giveth and life taketh away

I like his rainbow card, suits him well 🌈

My boyfriend’s birthday is on opening day this year, so I got him the ceramic ice cream bowls for his birthday ☺️

CRAWDOG

I have similar feelings of my life being in immediate and serious danger whenever Harper or Embiid goes down It’s normal, I’m sure

*heavy breathing intensifies*

PHILLIES BASEBALL IS BACK, BABES

“The roomies are in scoring position” OH? 👀

After baseball, the country of Philadelphia’s second national pastime is booing

Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me

Pixar Villain-ass looking parents

He is the Bohment

I love how well the crowd Knows Ball — you could hear the extra cheer for Crawford 🥹

Happy lolmets season!

My dad has been sending an email on Opening Day since, I don’t know, 2007? 2009? I look forward to it every year Play ball, go Phillies forever!

manfred sounds like a finance bro cosplaying as a mlb Commissioner I hope he goes to jail

Drummond, respectfully, what the hell was that

Kyle Lowry sighting 🚨 🍑

I apologize, Paul George, I was unfamiliar with your game

In the club (ticket rep upgraded our seats)