I just texted with Jesus, and he said you’re a bitch

I would undertip this barista

Oh no, Trump directed the DOJ to look into the Democrat pedophiles as well Good thing I’m not in a cult and think justice should be served regardless of political affiliation

Hearing ska on the football game

Asking my boyfriend what color the Patriots jerseys are off the theory my dad always had, which is that men only know up to a Crayola 16 pack of colors

Oyster happy hour will fix me

Hope Fetterman gets visited by the ghosts of past, present, and future

I can’t wait to make sure Josh Shapiro is never president Philly won’t forget you threw us under the bus for your political aspirations, dickhead

They should give me a Philly Michelin star for these cooper sharp cheesesteaks with hot pepper relish I cooked in K lot

Who bought this? I just want to talk

Easy, breezy Sixers win as usual by the normal team

My sweet baby boy Maxey is INNOCENT

Choose your poison: 3rd quarter Sixers or Rav4th inning Phillies

Having a mid-off

The Celtics uniforms look like the gaudy makeover of the Oval Office, which is perfect for them

They gotta get Franklin out of the pregame huddle, he just looks goofy. Vibes liability

*just checking the score after I land* Ah yes, a classic pitcher’s duel

Parking shuttle driver at PHL has game on mounted in the center console for people to see, and the audio over the speaker system City like no other, and 12/10 driver

I need airport lounge access I feel the common people have gotten even more, well, common, and I cannot be amongst them (I am overstimulated)

Eat shit, Kim Davis. I hope we continue to live rent free in that rotting gourd you call a head.

It can 👏🏻 be 👏🏻 done 👏🏻

They said it couldn’t be done, that a woman couldn’t pack for a cocktail attire wedding in just a personal item-sized bag Well, I’m here despite the haters, despite the naysayers This is one giant 🖕🏻 in the face of carry on bag fees I hope that I’ve inspired someone today 🙏🏻

Interesting thing to say to a man who could absolutely put your head deep into left field with a baseball bat

Pack it up, everyone This is the loneliest, most divorced thing you’ll ever see in your life

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

I just ate like a four year old for dinner with homemade chicken cutlet over mac and cheese with homemade honey mustard, and I have zero regrets

When is the wind going to stop

Conservatives love to play victim when they control all the branches of governments

Making chicken fajitas for lunch because I love myself What’s good for the weekend, friends?

Need the Veep theme at the end of this as they zoom in on Trump

Omg how else could you possibly talk to your friends if you deleted your twitter right now it’s really a shame they haven’t thought of alternatives

Have no idea who I know still over on Twitter who isn’t basically forced to use it for work, but whatever reason they tell themselves for still being there must be so funny

I do wish there was a private mode on here. I hate being mansplained when something leaves containment about something that I couldn’t (or shouldn’t need to) capture in the original post, and I don’t often think to limit the interactions until after it happened

Rest now sister. We have the kente. I'll see you in Wakanda.

I can’t stop thinking about this scene every time I see this case mentioned

Being Islamophobic is first and foremost, incredibly wrong, but it’s also very embarrassing. It’s almost 2026, and you have not evolved past the hysterical mindset of *2001* Just say you’re a little stupid, it’ll save us all the time

If the Sixers are the only blue [team] to lose from ahead tonight I swear to god

Please tag me in the best crash outs you see, the wins are not enough, I need MORE

Libbing out

Libbing out

Homemade loaded baked potato soup for soup and Sixers night

I’m probably (always) overthinking it, but this new thing with realtors posting that apartments are, like, $1,300 a month when they mean it’s a two bedroom for $2,600, and they’re making an assumption you’re splitting the rent feels gross Anyways, landlords are cops

Just chastised a guy on the metro for absolutely screaming into his cellphone, and he actually quieted down? One small step for all mankind

Kyle Lowry scoring a few for all the fat asses out there 🫶🏻